Looking after grandchildren getting too much.

Beautybumble, you are a smashing gran that any mum on Mumsnet would be thrilled to have. The parallels between us are several, so I do feel for the way you feel.
Get yourself a life outside the family, to grow your self-confidence so you feel happier calling a family council.

Good luck

Start finding your own hobbies and interest, there is so much out there for you to do, family is not the only thing. Volunteer with the National Trust, join a book group or poetry group (try your local library), join your nearest choir, help at the Red Cross or other charity, find a local walking group and get out of the house. There is so much out there. If you can't always look after the children because you have interesting hobbies perhaps the family will be more interested in you.

Isn't it strange how we can have people around and have so much going on yet we can feel lonely. Sounds as if you need some TLC. Your family are not considering you, only their needs. Perhaps a word with son/daughter as to how you seem busy but don't do anything with them eg have meal out or better you are invited to them, go anywhere with them, concert, shopping, as simple as you like. You need care too.

Talk to them all and let them know how you feel. Hopefully they'll understand. Stop being available all the time. Block off a few days per week for yourself and tell them all via text "Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I'm booked". Find activities to do on those days. Make friends

Great advice @Naty

There's a saying.....it's easier to start something than to stop it.

We've been doing childcare for 12 years. So the eldest is now 12 and doesn't need care but still has sleepovers. Will bake a cake and make shortbread.
Her brother is 9 and still comes one day a week before and after school, plus random overnights. But will see to himself mostly.

Little cousin at nearly 3 comes 3 days every two weeks. The house is a tip. He's constantly in underpants only as he has just mastered per training and the poo training is work in progress.

Sometimes we have all 3 at once. That's easiest as They entertain each other.

They are all a delight but we're still glad to see them go. And there are two of us with dh being well involved so it doesn't all land on me.

I do feel you have your hands full OP. I couldn't do all that without feeling resentful.

If your adult children were to show a llittle appreciation for your efforts I bet it would not seem so arduous. Although arduous it is.

What would happen if you told them gently that you need to cut down a bit.

And what would happen if you were to say gently that you'd love to be asked to tea now and again. Or to go out somewhere nice for coffee.
Telling them that you'd love some adult time with them.

Per training = pee training.

Please don't worry about your "rant," beautybumble. That's one of the things this forum is for. Better for you to vent here than at your AC and CIL, LOL!

I must admit, I'm a little confused though. You titled this post, "Looking after grandchildren getting too much." So I thought you were going to say that it's getting too hard for you to babysit or that it's expected too often or for too long hours, etc. But while it seems you AC take your help w/ kids for granted, your post seems to focus more on your need for more time w/ and appreciation from your AC. Which is the real issue?

Or is it a combination, as some posters have suggested. Would watching the grands seem easier if their parents showed more appreciation and interest in you as a whole person (not just a childminder)? Or would you need less support from them if you weren't watching the GC so often?

If it's any comfort, I think your AC's behavior towards you is very common and not intended to be hurtful, etc. Most young parents, IMO, are focused on themselves, their lives, the needs of their own families. I doubt they often stop to think of the fact that we, too, have lives - lives ourside of theirs, LOL!

But that's why I agree w/ others that the best solution to this problem would be to get involved in some separate activities or take up a hobby that needs your full attention for set times of the day/week. The let them know you're not available on this and that day or at these times b/c you've joined a new group, etc. This will get you out among other people, cut down on the amount of childminding you're called upon to do, and remind your AC that you are an individual w/ your own interests, etc.

Should you tell them how you've been feeling or that you'd like to be invited to tea, etc? If their lives are as busy as most young families seem to be these days, they may just see it as one more pressure (sorry to say). Or they might say, in effect, "Oh, of course, Mum, we didn't realize you'd want that, but of course." You can make a better guess than I as to which way they would react. But if in doubt, don't. Just beef up your own activites and start setting some boundaries.

Please let us know what you decide to do and how it works out!