Feeling left out

Oh...and suggest that your son sends less photos of baby with other grandmother...and more of you (for the photo album so to speak)!!

It is so hard isn`t it, but they aren`t babies very long and I now have a great relationship with the ones aged 4 and 6. They really are little individuals and once a week is enough to visit.

On the point of gift giving we do not buy clothes for our grand daughter usually as the parents like to choose but we have set up a monthly savings account for the same amount for each of the three grandchildren for when it is needed. School Trips Holidays etc. We did not choose accounts where the money is tied up until they are 21 as life changes and we wanted the monet to be available.

It's completely normal. Maternal grandparents are almost invariably closer. Look at William and Harry even! Poor Charles has often said he doesn't get to see his grandkids as much as their other grandparents.

It’s not unusual for the daughter’s parents to be involved more. After all, they’re her parents first and she will probably have needed them during her pregnancy and the birth of the child. Please don’t worry about it. As for the grandson, he may get to know the other grandparents more, but it doesn’t mean he’ll love you any the less. My situation is different - my daughter and grandchildren live in Australia. They live a long way from the other grandparents, but still see them anything between four and six times a year. I’ve had a stroke and am not ready to travel all the way to Australia yet. I’ve seen my second grandchild twice (she’s two in September). I see her on video and she’s now able to recognise me, though whether she’ll be shy when we meet is another matter. They’re all coming over in May, so we’ll see. I’m going to tell my daughter not to come again - at least for a few years - as I don’t want to be associated with a long, tiring flight and (probably) poor weather. Nor, when they get older do I want them to associate their holidays with travelling to England when they’ve such a lovely country to see, or they’ve got a bunch of cousins of a similar age to play with

Oldernewgranny, it does seem to be natural for DD’s to gravitate to their own Mum’s. Keep visiting and enjoying your gorgeous grandson, my DD has always resented the fact that her in-laws didn’t and still don’t bother very much with the children, who are both still under 5.

Oh boumau, don’t tell your family in Australia not to visit! Mine try to visit us (with 3 children) every 18 months - if they can afford it, it is great for kids to see another country, my grandkids are fascinated that when we Skype they are ready for bed and we are just getting up, or vice versa, it all gives them a better appreciation of a wider world. And OP I am sure you will build a lovely relationship with GS - weekly visits sound good for now, and perhaps you could offer to babysit for a few hours occasionally? How about asking them all over for Sunday lunch once a month or so? GS can join in the fun sitting in a high chair.

My eldest son DIL and 3 Gc live 4 hours away. DIL's mum lives 20 mins away from them ,but she has a husband who never recovered from a stroke. She is a lovely lady who I get on with well . I don't begrudge her one moment with our lovely GC. We have differing relationships with the GC she has been there for them babysitting, child minding, all the tiring hard work times as well as working around her husband. I on the other hand get to be the short weekend ,exciting times Grandma and I think I'm probably getting the best deal. I was asked to look after GC for the first week after DIL returned to work I have been fortunate enough to have weened potty trained and was present for first steps.
What I'm trying to say is that we all play a different part in our GC lives but they love us all the same. Kindness and love are noted by children not how often we see them, or what we give them (unless the parents have a problem.)
Enjoy being a Grandma wherever you fit in.

OlderNewGranny, it can be a bit of a juggling act trying not to rock the boat or offend other, dear family members. Do what you can with a happy heart, think of yourselves & the other GPs as Team GP. Have you considered quietly putting money into a seperate account for your GC or a secret piggy bank instead of lots of toys & clothes etc. Its amazing how it mounts up & you'll have the pleasure of seeing it grow.

instead of sending the items you buy deliver them by hand .say you would like a bit more time with your grandchild .but babies do take a lot of time ,and its natural for dil to turn to her mum more.seeing him once a week is good...maybe you can give them a photo of you with the gc ,so he can see who you are.that way gc will know he has another granny...gc isd still young so there is a lot going on in his young life. be patient when gc starts to toddle or parents want to go out etc .maybe some baby sitting..

Its not always the parental grandparents that suffer this, we do too in a way and we are maternal! So take heart and enjoy the time you have with him, rather than worrying too much about what's right or fair..

This was one of my reasons for joining. I have a lovely DIL but her mother by her own admission was obsessed when GD was born. They live a little closer see GC often a few times a week and more sleepovers but we make the most of the times we have with the GC. We are close to our GC, GS adores his grandad. I often expect them to organise visits etc but then stop and think it's up to me too to contact and ask. I hope others experiences have helped and as your GC grows you will have that bond.

It’s so lovely to see how many doting grandparents there are here - I adore my grandchildren too. On the other side of this coin ... I don’t remember any of our grandparents making my sisters and me feel so cherished. I’m sure they loved us but cannot imagine grandparents of that era feeling as we do now, or if they did - they didn’t show it!

Welcome! Such a wise post from MarySunshine.
You will all get there in the end. Enjoy and don't allow the likes of stupid old Facebook or Instagram cause you concern... consider, if Social Media wasn't available you would be none the wiser to what was happening within their circle. Your circle of love is equally special to them but in yours/theirs own way.
Take heart in knowing that sadly there are so very many grandparents now days who never get to see their grandchildren ??.
Take care and as a new Gransnet member you'll love this community and enjoy reading and offering support/advice/opinions to others on this Group xx

Give it time .....it’s early days! I felt the same when our first grandchild was born 18 years ago and when I think back to how it affected me I realize it was just so silly. The fun times are ahead .......you wait and see!

Longdistancegrnny ,I completely agree with you.! Good to hear from a granny in a very similar situation as me - that’s what gransnet is for ,I think .

Oldernewgranny - if you have a good relationship with the other grandma why not make the most of that and suggest that the two of you together take your grandson out and have a coffee and a chat with each other on a regular basis. She might even be prepared to bring your grandson to your home - why does it have to be your son who brings him? It would be good for you and her to work together as your grandson's grandmas.

My daughter & grandchildren live 50 miles away. I visit them once a month and they visit me once a month so we see each other fortnightly.

I’m pretty sure that if, and when babies parents decide to return to work, you will probably be required for babysitting then. Is that a possibility, do you think?
Unpaid childminding usually involves the grandparents.
It certainly did with me.

Take a camera and take load of photos of baby on his own you with baby, mother and baby etc, and build your own memory book x x

You see your grandson much more than I've ever seen my 4! Keep going to see him and just keep away from Facebook etc. Looking at them on these sites will eat away at you. Be happy ? with the contact that you have. X

This topic regularly has me guilt tripping as I know for sure, I opted to visit my Mum more often than Mil when the opportunity permitted. Nothing whatsoever wrong with the latter relationship but, without doubt, more formal than that with Mum. Retrospectively, I do wish I had addressed the balance more fairly but..... I didn't. I did rationalise it by the fact that Mil had many other GC whereas Mum only had mine. Not fair but there y'go. Guilty.

I know the feeling! I am a paternal grand parent too, and I used to feel resentful that dil’s parents looked after my dgds when ds and dil were at work, not very often though, and had sleepovers at there house and went on holiday with them.
Now they are older and come to us for the day on Sundays, I don‘t feel so bad about it.

They obviously love DH and me and love coming and never want to go home.

If you see your gs every week, you are more fortunate than some. He must be building a relationship with you.. He is very young..

It will get better, and glad you have a good relationship with the family. Cherish that

Once a week is really good, lucky you! Your GS therefore definitely knows who you are and enjoys spending time with you. I see mine about once a month, usually for babysitting while parents at work. When they came to visit our family at home a little while ago, it was me she scrambled for amongst a sea of less familiar faces! So gratifying. I too have to see all the many photos of the other GPs and family, but I've learnt to focus on the one little important person and how much we all love her.

boumou please dont think so negatively about what your grandchildren will associate with visiting you. They won't see the long journey which to them will be an adventure Nor the weather. When we came home from Australia when my eldest DD was 5.5 years old it was a wet summer morning when we arrived at Stansted. This was in the late 60s and my DM had been to visit us the Christmas before. All my DD daughter kept saying to my Mum as we drove through Epping Forest was "oh Nana what beautiful green parks you have". She was so impressed after the dryness and lack of green in Australia. So if they want to make the journey let them. They will see it differently to what you see.