Feeling left out

May little just-3 Aussie gd has seen me only three times ‘in the flesh’ but I chat with her at least once a week by internet. I am visiting now, for her parents’ wedding, and was greeted with a beaming smile, a huge hug, and, “It’s Grandma!.” Her Peruvian paternal gps are also here, for the first, and probably their last visit. I feel so sorry for them, as they speak only Spanish, and haven’t been able to build up a close relationship as a result.

My son also lives here, in Perth, and their first baby is arriving in May. I will make the trek once again, for the birth, and take a slight step back because it will be my dil’s parents first grandchild. We all have a very close relationship, but I confess to a slight tinge of jealousy. Dil’s parents live just down the road from them, and will be caring for him when Mum and Dad go back to work. My one hope, at 80, is that I will remain fit enough to keep on visiting both my grandkids, and live long enough to build memories for after I am gone.

So, Oldernewgranny, cherish the time that you do spend with your grandson. It’s not the quantity, but the quality of the contact that counts. You will probably see more of him once he is a little older. You can always phone or Skype in between, once he gets older, too. Don’t smother him with gifts, which can cause difficulties for the parents. Just be happy that your little one is near, not half a world away. Good luck!

1. You see them weekly. Keep in mind that it's probably much easier for you to come to them than for them to pack up the diaper bag and the baby and have to work around nap time and pray the baby is able to sleep in the car or in a strange house and disrupt the routine...

2. How much time they spend with the other grandmother is none of your business.

We were pushed out of our dil life once she had a baby. Her mother came from overseas to live with son and did. Mil has a serious anti social disorder and were rudely pushed from visiting our sons house. We weren't allowed to.hold our gs let alone babysit him. It all just built up.and built up and exploded into a huge estrangement with our son. We are now talking and seeing our gs about once a week with our son. I don't see anything ever changing so have had to.get counselling to deal with our expectations of being a grandparent. We thought we would have a similar relationship that both sets of grandparents had with our sons. I cannot understand my sons behaviour except possibly two against one in his house. It's all been very hurtful. I would say very seriously the dil holds all the power so.don't alienate her. My relationship was doomed to.fail as she didn't like me from the start apparently. Not much.I.Can do about that.

I really appreciate all of your comments and I’ve taken on board the positivity from all of you who have been kind enough to respond. A little sad about the couple of abrasive comments however but I’m new to Gransnet so I’m guessing it happens ?

It's actually quite an abrasive atmosphere, just like most social media. So you have to learn to shrug off the more abrasive and focus on the constructive comments.

It used not be like that readymeals. We used to almost always be kind and considerate. The aggressive and abrasive attitude came in when politics became aggressive and abrasive and spread from the political threads to others.

The problem is faced with it it is easy to reply in kind and I am conscious that some of my posts were beginning to get quite nasty at times. I am now trying to pull back from that and I hope others will do so as well.

Once a week is good Oldernewgranny compared with many grans on here. I am a paternal grandma and luckily I had (and have) lots of contact with my first five grandchildren with overnight stays, weekends and school pick ups when parents split up. There is no competition with maternal grandparents who help in different ways and we are all on good terms despite our childrens' difficulties. However I do remember feeling like you when DIL tended to take first grandson to her mum more often.

My youngest grandchild however, I have not had so much contact with until his parents have been moving house and I have suddenly become indispensable!

They have now begun to realise how much I teach him as I can spend 100% time with him when I have him. Nursery rhymes, clapping games, bubbles, fun, books, giggly games and he is only 11 months old. I am also experienced enough to recognise when he is poorly and am able to look after him safely (though I am very careful with my advice - only when it is asked for is the prime rule.) As GreenGran78 says it's the quality that counts. Forget social media, take your own photos and cherish the time you have with him.

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I joined too on a low day when my family were over from USA staying with materal grandparents for 3 weeks and we only met them twice for lunch. I knew my GD was waking up and going or bed with them daily and I was jealous. But after a bit of tongue lashing from dome and some kinder words from others on here, I've decided I want my Son, DiL and GD to have all the help and support they can no matter who gives it!
Relationships come in all sizes and being miserable was only hurting me!

And defo don't look at pics on social media I can't cope with that!