Toddler sleeping with mum and new boyfriend.

Its not necessarily about the chance of sex occurring, it's wondering if this person is competent to risk assess on behalf of a vulnerable child.

Another thought ,perhaps current boyfriend is not sleeping with mum and toddler. Maybe he sleeps on the sofa. There are lots of assumptions being made and judgements that mum is neglectful.
Is she short of money and cannot afford a bed for child ? If she is on benefits she may be on a very tight budget.

The OP knows the mother well. She has sold his bed and other things. She moves new men into the house in succession. Making assumptions and how terrible that is (really) is nothing compared to what that child maybe going through. The OP is a caring grandmother and as for the ex husband having no say - that’s a dreadful way to think. There are laws now which take into account the father. He has absolutely some say about the welfare of his child. I cannot for the life of me understand the mindset of some people. A child’s welfare is paramount.

jaffacake ...well if you re read nannywaffles follow up posts I don't think there are any assumptions.

Whilst she cant know for sure what goes on in her ex dil's house and especially the bedroom.
She does know that there have been 3 different men in dil's life and that they have stayed over.
She also knows that things, the childs bed for example, are sold. Presumably as cash is short.
I don't know where 'not having your own bed' sits on the scale of child neglect that the ss have to deal with. Pretty low down I would think, but it is a sign that the mother doesn't prioritise her child's health and wellbeing.

Precisely MissAdventure
Good points well put Bluebell

Op

You said that if your son says anything, she threatens to not letting him see his child.

Is there a formal custody order? If she does not follow it because your son speaks up for his child, she is in contempt.

Your son must fight for what he thinks it is best for his child, not fall for her threats

Hard to believe anyone would think the children are ok. She is a disgrace. What a way to live.

I haven't read all the posts in detail. But I would certainly get advice from Social services or the NSPCC. This is a dangerous situation for the child to be in. I would have thoughts right to custody should be considered legally.

I don't think the mother can make the decision to withdraw the child's father's custody rights these days. The child has a right to his own bed without having to share his mum with a series of men, if this is happening.

This situation needs professional help from someone with an objective view .

Not helpful Sparkling the OP is already aware of her daughter's short comings and some support would be good.

Soda pop, I am in no way critisising OP, how you could assume that is beyond me. I am supporting OP, she knows it is wrong but feels despite all her efforts she cannot alter the situation. I was commenting on the people that say it's fine when it clearly is not. It is ultimately up to her son to fight for custody, he will have his mother's support as she clearly loves them all. I know if it were me I would. That is my view, might not be every bodies but I stand by it.

I’m stunned that some posters don’t see a problem with the child sleeping in the same bed as a casual boyfriend! No we don’t know the full facts, but what we have been told is alarming. Someone, whether is the father or social services need to ascertain what is happening and ensure that this child is safe.

It's a known fact that paedophiles look for single parents, wether her partners are or aren't paedophiles isn't the point. It's playing russian roulette with her children safety and the potential for harm.
Her behaviour in choosing sexual partners isn't showing good judgment otherwise she wouldn't have such a quick succession of live in partners.
If you have never had experience of a dysfunctional family you are lucky and possibly naive with regards to how the priorities of one can override all sensible, nurturing, caring, safeguarding , loving decisions.
Children need protecting and I do think from the OP that that's what Nannywaffles feels is lacking for her grandchildren. I would be very concerned in this situation and would expect my son to be going for full custody and fully supporting him.

Don't care who it is I wouldn't entertain it--simple as that !
No mother with anything about her would ever allow it to happen.