Struggling with Son living abroad

I really feel for you. I.moved to.be close to.My son and grandson and yet because of his mother we See next to none contact. We are only ,5mins away. Now there Is talk of moving to.Finland. one half of me says how dear they do this to me because they know how much I.need that little boy. He's our only grandchild. We know no.one here and I'm.not well.enough to meet anyone New. Then there's the other better mother in.me that says it would be selfish.to.stop.him living his life and it won't matter to.My.son. My life hasn't turned.out the way.I.thought. I'm not well enough.to.travel.That far

Jill0753. “ I get a bit cross when people tell me how lucky I am to be able to have “holidays” in Australia.”. Oh so do I !! Tbh don’t even like Australia.
And now it looks very much as if my family will need to cancel their planned visit because of the virus.

I Really don’t understand some of the horrible nasty comments on here, Jojo came on this site for some friendly advice not nasty posts.
I can totally understand why she moved away from her not so nice family all those years ago, but as she said she has made a bueatiful loving family and as a loving mother is understandably missing her son even though she knows he’s happy it doesn’t stop the pain.
If people can’t be helpful or sympathetic in their replies why bother posting negative or nasty comments it just says a lot about you as a person.

Where are these nasty comments ?

We do understand how hard it is when family live far away and we miss them.

But it is disgraceful to compare it to bereavement.

There, I've said it.
Chastise me all you wish but it is true.

my son went to USA 4 years ago , I miss him dreadfully , I know he,s happy ,settled, though it does not ease the pain in my heart, and life without him nearby

Oh Jojo, I feel your pain. My son and only 2 GC are on the other side of the world where my DIL is from. I understand how you feel about the other grandparents 'having' them now. It's daft I know. I try and be grateful that I had the joys of my GC as babies for 5 and 1 years before they left, but I still get hit by emotions sometimes and could cry. Cos of circumstances I only get a Skype call once every 9 weeks from my son with the GC there too. I see loads of videos and fotos tho and can spend ages going through them on my phone. Hoping to get out to visit next year even tho it won't be easy being there - DIL has never been easy and totally ignores me now. I have found this very sad as I so looked forward (in the beginning) to having a great relationship with her, as I had had with my own lovely MIL. but.... As someone else posted as a reply, look on the positives, my lovely daughter still lives only 2hours away.

Think you’ve been quite harsh Aepgirl.

Hi
There seem to be 3 threads in this theme. Could we perhaps choose one and all use it so we can benefit from.all.this wonderful support and advice? I have posted on "long distance grandparenting" and look forward to hearing more from this welcome community. It is the case that it's more common now for adult children to.live abroad and raise their families thereby I am surprised at the number who still.live in the community they grew up.in. I get annoyed at films and TV shows that assume every extended family live a stones throw from each.ither and are constantly popping in gir a cuppa and a chat or when grandparents complain that they.get tired babysitting once a week. Oh for that opportunity! I must respectfully disagree that it foesnt get easier with time.As grand children grow up.and develop.yheir own lives it be ones harder to maintain the bond. Its lost time one will never get back.

Hi jojo

I too have a son who lives in another country, far, far away. He is married to an absolutely wonderful girl and they have a beautiful family....

I visit each year and we chat often and send photos/messages which is brillaint ( here comes the but ) BUT...... despite the fact he has a fabulous life and the GC have a safe and wonderful childhood, I miss him like crazy, which is only natural, hes my 'little boy's when all is said and done and yes I am so happy that he is making something of his life, ofcourse I am........ but I am his mum....

Only just seen this. Jojo1515. Our youngest of two sons died in 1993 and our older son has been living overseas for 12 years. He is happily married, has two young sons and a great life. He is a wonderful son, very loving and worries about my husband and I. We usually see each other 3 times a year, we are with him and his family at the moment - the first time in 2 years. It is hard and we miss our son and dil and grandchildren terribly so I absolutely understand your feelings. Just because we allow our children to have wings and fly does not mean we don’t miss them or long to be together.

GreenGran78

There are a few people on here who are always ready with the ‘snap out of it.......others are worse off.......you have been just as bad’ sort of comments. I can’t understand why they can’t just butt out, if they have nothing helpful to say. Some people just make themselves feel better by making others feel worse, I think.
99% of Gransnetters, though, empathise with other people’s situations, and try to be helpful/sympathetic/cheering to the person who has posted their problems. The other 1% don’t even merit a reply, especially a polite one.
Best wishes for the future, Jojo. I hope that you find contentment, in time.

Totally agree with your post GreenGran78 why do some posters feel the need to be so snippy when Jojo15 is obviously struggling and asking for help. Talk about kick someone when they’re down
Jojo be proud you have raised a happy healthy independent son but try not to beat yourself up too hard when you feel sad about him being so far away.

I am looking for advice on how to cope with my daughter and grandson now living in America. They moved a year ago for my daughter to marry an American she met online. He is not a very nice person, and my daughter and grandson are unhappy. They want to stay and try to make it work, but they are both a shadow or their former selves, and I am desperately worried and it is having a huge effect on my health. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Rainbow suggest you start a new thread as this one is already 2 years old.

Why does it matter? The issues are the same- answers and solutions too, 2 years ago or not.

Rainbow, it is very hard, especially if 'abroad' is on the other side of the world and not easily accessible.

Jojo, just seen this post, I have posted before about my son telling us recently that he and his Australian wife are moving to Australia permanently.
I "lost it" at the time, but have come to terms with it, so I don't really have anything to add beyond the great advice but just to share that I truly understand your pain.
I know we will keep in touch on our family watsapp group and frequent video chats (they have a baby) but it'll never be the same.
I count my blessings that we have our daughter close by with her 4 kids, and we have a great relationship with them all.
We will travel to Australia once a year and I hope they will come here once a year, so that is not too bad.
I wish you all the best, Jojo, at the end of the day we have no choice in these situations except to accept it and make the very best we can of it!

Interesting thread I’m currently at my sons who lives overseas and it’s been awful they have a maid for 5 month baby who really has taken my place I don’t get a chance , my dil works full time so I get she wants to spend time with baby but I am really twiddling my thumbs feeling so uncomfortable I’m bringing my flight forward …. My DIL is nice but controls everything and my son appears to be a wet blanket ( they hv both been home for holidays ) Xmas day was all about her parents at home in there own ( they’ve just been here for a month) I think sometimes it’s best to keep quiet and move on …… sad but I’m going to wait to be asked how I am shame as missed our usual family Xmas ….. roll in next year 🤣🤣

Fleurpepper, I know sometimes it can seem quite rude to point out that a user is posting on a “dead” thread, but the suggestion to make a new post is the only way others will see it. For whatever reason that I don’t understand, every time someone comments on an old thread, nearly every subsequent comment addresses only the very first post on the thread and ignores the newest post that bumped the old thread to the top of the list. As you can see, those who commented after you did not address Rainbow15 at all, but did so to the likely long gone original poster. Rainbow15 would get the support they’re looking for if they made their own post. Or, perhaps, if others paid more attention., but here we are..

Often it is good to look at how people with no children lead their lives in older age. Some have a good network of similar friends/hobbies/purpose/activities. They fill their lives with meaningful activities. Not everyone is lucky enough to have children/siblings/remain in the same place all their lives/have the means to travel. We need to make the best of what we have where we have it.

Fleurpepper

Why does it matter? The issues are the same- answers and solutions too, 2 years ago or not.

Rainbow, it is very hard, especially if 'abroad' is on the other side of the world and not easily accessible.

Sometimes it matters because people only read the OP and reply to tgat not seeing a new poster asking for help now with different scenario

Fair enough, I see.

I was trying to be helpful, not rude.
Wishing you well Rainbow.

silverlining48

I was trying to be helpful, not rude.
Wishing you well Rainbow.

You were being helpful. I also advise tge same quite often to new posters looking for advice on old threads😏

Thanks Madgran

Yes he’s done the same as you did, and adults will do what they feel is best for them won’t they, obv you miss him very much but you do see him a couple of times a year and there are ways of keeping in contact, I would be focusing on that he’s happy that’s the main thing to me