Imminent grandma feeling apprehensive

I'm not into babies either - you just have to learn to be a good actress - works fine for me.

I am 60 and like you didn't feel ready to be called 'nanna' but I have a 17 mth old grandaughter and as my daughter is a keyworker (she works in Public Health) I have been looking after her since a year old. I too worried about parenting skills after such a long time but it's amazing how it all comes back naturally but now I worry if I was such a good mum as my daughter is. She tends to look everything up in books etc and follows every stage of her growing and she never tells her off or says 'no' anyway she's off to nursery introduction today and then 2 days a week so I will be needed for only one day. I feel it has worked well and I'm so glad I was able to help with childcare and washing and tidying and shopping etc. ? I'm sure you will be fine and most helpful

Be thankful she wants you and just go with the flow enjoy looking after her again who knows you might not bond with the baby or it might be the best thing ever but you are needed as a mum for your daughter and that's a blessing

I know just how you're feeling. I don't go all gooy over babies and kids, never have done, love my own kids to bits, but don't really care for other people's!!! But I love my grandkids, I help where I can, but live my own life and I'm not expected to cancel my plans, obviously would in an emergency. I have a good relationship with my eldest daughter and her two, 6&4. They're always pleased to see me, i think they think of granny as bonkers! In fact both us grannies, I'm a 15 year old 63 & the other is 57 & the same are bonkers! Makes for interesting times!!!
Helping & looking after babies is like riding a bike, you never forget..
So take it as it comes, relax enjoy & remember the best part? You hand them back!!?

You'll be fine, I was 49 when first GC arrived and definitely not ready, I still had one child at home, but when I saw him that was it!. You will be a big help with the practical stuff around the house and reassurance for your DD - enjoy yourself.

It will be one of the best experiences ever. I wouldn’t say I was very maternal but was with my daughter for the birth of
Both her children whom I absolutely adore - enjoy xxx

I'm " nanna " but that's because I'm fortunate enough to have several GGC and it's a way of distinguishing between their nannie. Nanna/nana is best left for the older ones amongst us.

I don't get called upon as much to look after the GGC as I did as a nan with nan ( D ) being younger of course. All the littlies went to nursery anyway and even the youngest ( 3 ) is at mainstream school infants. I have looked after them in the past and if anything urgent cropped up I'm always on hand.

I was very hands-on with my two firstborn GC over 30 years ago so they've grown up with me, as well as commuting between them and the 3 in Oz, 2 in their 30's and the youngest at 25 so how lucky has that been ? I've got tons to be thankful for with the way my life has gone-----albeit rocky at times but you pull through and boy does it make you stronger !

I have a large step-family too who've always remained as " family " and get-togethers are a joy. I've watched them all growing up which is a privilege in this age of separations and estrangements.

Grandma feelings are wonderful and Great grandma feelings even better.

Newbiegran.
I was exactly the same when my ds and dil were expecting our first grandchild. I thought there was something wrong with me because I felt nothing about the arrival of my first grandchild. The other granny was so excited and I had to put on an act pretending to be excited. I said to my best friend that I didnt think I had the granny gene. As soon as my grandson was born I was overwhelmed by the love I had for him. Now my heart is so full of love for both my grandsons. Dont worry as soon as you see him or her things will change. My friend told me it would and she was correct

Join the club Newbiegran! Like you, I am not naturally maternal and could never understand women who longed to be mothers or grandmothers. In fact, I never wanted children and told my husband before marriage that if he did then best find someone else to marry. Fate dealt a hand that I have never regretted and along came my DD. Thirty years later at the age of 63, I became grandmother to a beautiful tiny mite who at 14 days old came to stay with me to give my D a good night’s sleep. Panic stations, where do I start! You would not believe how easily everything fell into place and thirty years fall away as yesterday. The emotion almost overwhelming. My darling GS is now nineteen a lovely handsome young man. He and his younger brother have brought immense joy for which I am most grateful. Fear not, go forth and your heart will tell you where and how - the rest does not matter.

All this is good advice. I felt the same as you and it was all new to me too - hence my name. All I can say is don't give advice until asked or you may get your knuckles wrapped - it's very tempting! Giver her a lot of support and tell her how well she is doing. It's a trying time for both a new mum and dad and new grandparents. Let's face it - none us us grans had training in this!

Both my daughters had a new, stronger respect and admiration for me when they became mothers. They wondered how on Earth I coped with four kids, no disposable nappies, no car - and (an enormous pram) no public transport.

I was exactly the same Newbiegran... my two kids turned out ok... no prison anyway.... so I consider myself s reasonable mum.... but grandkids are so different.... you are not totally responsible for them ... the cooing/babytalk comes naturally . But be led by your daughter , even if you are babysitting for just two hours she will leave you reams of instruction ...if my daughter was anything to go by! Just grab hold of the baby ( when allowed) ... and cuddle up . You will know no other love like it!!!

I agree with all of the above Newbiegran but don’t forget that your daughter hasn’t been a mum before just as this is your first time as Grandma (or Nanna?) Emotions will be running high and low within the millisecond and your ways in the kitchen, with the vac etc. etc may not be your daughter’s and might irritate the life out of her. Don’t always expect her to give you the lead in what she wants to do with baby- she may not know! Be prepared for the occasional explosion of anxiety or frustration.
My advice would be simply stay calm, be supportive. Tell her often what a beautiful son she has and what a good mum she is. Acknowledge that everyone is on a learning curve but with shared love, laughs and tears baby will grow knowing he’s loved and your daughter and you will move into another very precious but different time of mother/daughter relationship.
Have you thought about what you would like to be called? There a lots of lovely ‘grandmother’ titles these days.

Gotthattshirt that's a really good point!
My Mum and mother-in-law were both already "grandma," and my daughter's partner's mum was already "nanny" to her other grandchildren, so I wanted to be something different and decided on "Granny" (as my Dad's mum had been).
When I announced this my daughter was quite taken aback as she'd assumed I'd be "grandma."
But I stuck to my decision and I'm glad I did ?

Try not to worry Newbiegran; I too was not maternal, and really worried about my potential lack of feeling for grandchildren. I think, as others have said, you may well be surprised. There was a notice in the baby clinic when I first took my daughter all those years ago; the gist was that you may not have fallen in love with your partner at first glance, so don't expect that you will with your baby. The love grows with the weeks and months of caring for a helpless creature, and that is how it is so often. My GC are to me a source of joy that it is hard to describe - when I see them my heart lifts. I love their happy company (well - happy most of the time) but I am also quite relieved to see them go home at the end of a day. That's the pleasure of it - you get the good bits but not most of the hard work.
Congratulations - and good luck! x

So what perceptions and/or preconceptions of being a Granny do you have? Do you think you should be the sweet little old lady who gives kisses, cuddles and cookies with abandon? Do you think your daughter is expecting you to be a living reference library on childcare who she can turn to for advice and answers? Are you feeling that you can not live up to either so this is why you are worried about disappointing your daughter? Firstly I was not hugely maternal, only child, age just 20 and no experience with baby siblings but luckily DH was youngest of 8 and lots of experience with his baby nieces and nephews! Being a Mum does grow on you and you learn not to be perfect like the books and magazine mother but to be a good enough Mum. I was made a Nanny at 45, never thought it would happen as DD was a nursery nurse and said she'd never have kids, her OH was not bothered either was as he had a good career so when the 'accident' happened it was a surprise all round but they took a practical view, said it was probably meant to happen and so why not! I was in awe of my DD as she had all the training and up to date knowledge so I concentrated on practical help such as cleaning, running errands and taking GD out for a long walk so she could have some time to herself. I also loved just sitting with the baby sleeping on my shoulder just stoking her back while DD got on with other things. I found myself taking to my tiny GD while I did this telling her how I used to do this with her Mum and the relationship just grew from there. I am the Nanny they (I now have 3 GC) have fun with, we go on adventures, we play silly games, sing songs, we go looking for diamonds on the beach, tell stories etc etc. I am not the sensible granny with a pocket full of sweeties and a cat! Do not worry, it is not a test, is is not a one size fits all and you will find your own granny feet. One thing you must not do is to go against your daughter's rules and values, I don't mean secretly slipping your GC an extra biscuit or bar of chocolate, I'm taking about important stuff she insists on such as manners, if you don't then this is the only time you could disappoint her. Good luck x

I worked with babies despite not being maternal,I was very matter of fact.
And I was worried when my dad had her first that I’d feel the same as I did about those I looked after.I never experienced that rush of love most feel when mine were born so understand where you’re coming from.
However,the first time I saw my grandchild that rush came, out of the blue!
I told my dad what a gift she’d given me, to be able to experience that!
Good luck,I’m sure you’ll be just fine!

Don’t overthink things, Newbiegran. Your daughter will be feeling much the same as you, I expect. Tell her how nervous and apprehensive you are. She will understand.
As others have said, just be there as another pair of hands, when needed. Most new mums don’t expect, or even want someone else seeing to the baby - not even husbands in some cases.
I’m sure that you will enjoy every minute, once the little one has arrived. I’m a little jealous because Covid prevented me from helping with my new grandson.
Good luck

When my first grandchild arrived I fell in love with him immediately. Even though I hadn't expected to. You might find the same thing happens to you.

Sometimes the unexpected happens, I have a friend that was adamant that the grandson that was coming along would upset the Applecart regarding the bond she had with her daughter, you should see her since he’s been born, absolutely besotted with the two year old, I’m sure whatever happens you will be a great help to your daughter no matter what she would like help with

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

My friend was horrified when her DD became pregnant. My friend hadn't really wanted any children (she ended up with two so they could keep each other company and play together. Sadly they did , and still do, loathe each other, so that didn't work). She was dreading the birth of this baby and having to do the whole adoring granny thing. I didn't see her until the baby was a month old. I couldn't believe the change and demanded to know who the imposter was and could I have my friend back please. She was utterly besotted. Three years and a second grandchild later she has become the biggest granny bore ever!. You really don't know how you will react until after the event. So don't worry.

I became a grandmother again at the age of 70.
Thus time my daughter wanted me to be hands on from the very start.
I hadn’t changed a nappy in 38 years, so it was all new to me.

At my age I wasn’t keen on childcare as I tire very easily.
Even now, I’m not keen. He is now nearly five years old and a bundle of energy.
Although I love him dearly, I can’t do what I would like ie:
Taking him out for the day etc, it’s just too knackering.

At least Newbiegran, you have age on your side and hopefully a lot of energy.
Be sure to keep boundaries as a baby and parents can be very demanding.

Newbiegran. Firstly, congratulations, you are entering a lovely new phase in your life. Like you I had absolutely no desire to become a grandma. I looked at friends who, in my opinion were being taken advantage of by having to provide childcare and told my daughter I never wanted to be in that position but then , the moment my darling granddaughter was born, I fell in love and when my daughter returned to work, I almost pleaded with her to let me and her dad look after her two days a week. The last couple of years have been wonderful and we have developed a wonderful bond. We have missed her so much during lockdown it has been physically painful but we've had her back for the first time today and it has been wonderful.
Believe me Newbiegran you will feel the same I'm sure.

When I had my 3 with a span of 20 years I bonded instantly with them but I was no better as an older mother than a young one. I have 4 grandchildren. No 1 1’ve never really known well at all, she bonded with her paternal grandparents, 2 and 3 went to live abroad when very young; I was terribly upset but now they too are like strangers but I miss them hugely. No 4 I love with a passion I didn’t even realise was possible. I was fairly shocked when her mum said she was pregnant in the middle of her masters degree. The youngest, she is to my mind the absolutely the best mother.