Nightmare DIL

I do thank you for all your replies and for sharing your opinions.

A lot of my friends think she is being unfair and one of them suggested to my DIL that we are allowed to see more of our grandchildren , which fell on deaf ears. I just came here to hopefully get advice on how I can get her to see things my way a bit more.

Granincharge-you're not! They are her children. She is. She seems to me to be being quite kind and considerate to you at the moment. You may not be getting everything you want but she is offering you contact and time. But if you continue to behave badly and demand more she may just decide she's had enough and stop all contact. Step back, give them space, find a hobby because if you don't things may get much worse.

Granincharge
I think your daughter in law has had a lucky escape. After all you've given her plenty of reasons not to be in your company.

I’m inclined to think the post is a wind up. It’s as if Granincharge you’ve done some market research on what makes a “difficult” mil. Then made a list and used it to describe yourself.

If it really is a genuine post then you are treading on thin ice with your son and dil. Based on what you’ve said I think you and your husband are fortunate to be as involved as you are in their lives.

Sorry if that sounds harsh.

Granincharge You're telling us, a group of strangers online, all about you "nightmare DIL", so I imagine you tell anyone you're in contact with all the same things. Believe you me, people will find you unlikeable even though they won't say it to you.

granincharge I am deeply sorry for your poor daughter in law; poor lass has 3 children to raise and parents in law who think that they have "rights". You don't. Really, you don't. Any time that you get with your grandchildren is a gift, not a right. Oh, and if your lucky enough to be asked to baby sit again doubtful, stay off the Vino Collapso; a tiddly granny in charge of 3 children isn't a good idea.

Without coming across as arrogant, I am
very sociable, have a very big family and lots of friends. We are busy most weekends, visiting and spending time with lots of different people, amongst who, I am well liked.

Granincharge You sound absolutely intolerable. As I said before, you sound very much like my late MIL. She was not liked by anyone (neighbours, extended family, colleagues). With your refusal to see that YOU are the one at fault, not your DIL, you run the risk of ending up alienating yourself from those around you.

My friends with grandchildren have daughters, not daughter in laws so they don’t have to deal with what I do

It’s hilarious that you think that I am not being serious. What part makes you think that? This is just about making life happy for my Grandchildren and creating happy memories for them... with me and my husband in them sometimes!

Well it is hot out, so maybe this is a windup!

But if not......... I think Tangerine had the best balanced no drama answer!
I'm going with that

Perhaps your friends respect their daughter in laws wishes and don’t try to impose their will in the way you appear to have done Granincharge.

This is all so over the top that it must be a wind up, at least I hope it is.

It is quite normal for DiLs to see more of their mothers than their inlaws.It is natural so accept it. Are you not taking on board anything that is said here? It doesn't look like it.

Granincharge if you can’t see that just about everything you said in your post is the reverse all I can say is poor daughter in law if I was them I d move as far away as possible you sound a complete nightmare who wants to take over their lives even down to organising their Christmas and holidays
They are not your children your daughter in law and son are doing the right thing in putting in rules and regulations and NO drink when looking after babies Is a complete Nono
Of course you cant recreate their lives you ve had your turn back off
I m really not sure you’re real as it’s almost too bad to be real It’s like a caricature of everything a grandmother shouldn’t do

Why should she "stray from what she wants to do"? - they are her children and she has the right to bring them up as she wishes; just as you did with yours.

All my friends get weekends with their grandchildren.

I can almost hear you saying "It's not fair"!! And the word get is a bit off kilter, as if the GC are a commodity to be doled out.

I think it would be wise to stop making comparisons and concentrate on what you can do to be a good grandparent - and a lot of that role consists of standing back, giving praise and encouragement, and zipping the lip.

Because she’s possessive and won’t stray from anything she wants to do!

Ask yourself why, perhaps?

Only staying at our house or inviting us to theirs for a few hours Each time just seems A bit anti social and as if they’re doing the bare minimum. All my friends get weekends with their grandchildren.

I also want to add, she sees much more of her parents who live five minutes away from them. Her parents also have the children a couple of times a week when she works

Well said PinkCakes !

You sound like my late mother-in-law. Like your DIL, whom you don't seem to like much, my MIL used to want us t stay overnight there after birthdays, parties, any bloody occasion - we never did, as I preferred my own house, bed and routine.

Don't make this all about what YOU want, what YOU feel, or your son and his wife will see less and less of you.

I've been a very different MIL to the one you are (and the one I had). It pays off to let your adult children live their lives the way they choose. Back off and be a bigger person.

"Gets all her way"?

She is their mother!

I don’t see why people are taking exception to me calling them my Grandchildren? You imply I am being selfish, but if she gets all her way, doesn’t that make her selfish?