Looking after grandchildren

Please, please Don’t! I truly believe that we all need a balance in our lives, I made the mistake of having my life totally revolving around my grandchildren while my daughters worked. To arrange time to see my own friends became a logistical nightmare..so I gave up. Holidays/trips away were equally as hard to arrange as it was not just us being affected. I missed my own part time nursing career , the comaraderie, the sense of achievement etc and over time it all became physically exhausting to a point where I knew that I was not 100% the best carer they could have due to being so tired and “stale”.
If only I could have that time back, I would suggest 1-2 days a week caring for 5he much loved grandchildren and for the rest of the week they attend a nursery for their socialization etc. That way, I could have maintained a part time job, my friends and could take trips during my own time off. The relationship with my grandchildren would have been “extra special times” rather than “the norm”.

I agree with semperfidelis. You wouldn't get the normal workplace pension, and could miss out on other benefits. Also lots more paperwork for you as a self employed person.
This is really childcare on the cheap. And what happens when all the children go to school? Presumably she will expect you to do the school runs and after school care so you will be doing less hours (for less money?).

The rate of pay she is suggesting is an insult and less than half of minimum wage, with no benefits, no pension, no sick pay, no rights at all, is she going to pay you on the 13 weeks off? If not then your much lower wages also have to cover that time, what would happen if you were sick or she lost her job etc
You should get at least £1280 every 4 weeks, what is she currently paying for childcare, she should also be providing food for the children and the free hours she is entitled to would be lost unless you were able to take the 3 year old to nursery, which has other benefits for the child.
Think very carefully, not least of how it would change your relationship with your daughter, to employer and employee

you are a nursery nurse so you are used to looking after 3 or more children, wouldn't you prefer your family? there could be issues but doesn't life continuosly throw up issues? If it doesn't work out you could go back to your old job? I would see the main problem ,one of feeling trapped and being your daughters employee! think carefully.

3 children is a big responsibility and very tiring. Just one or two days a week would be tiring let alone a week.
Do you really want to lose the freedom you now have since your family has grown up? I expect you would still have them even when they are ill ( hard work) and perhaps you would lose the fun and enjoyment of your grandchildren. Grans spoil their grandchildren because they can - except you will have to basically parent them.

Sorry if someone has already asked this but what happens if you are ill? would your daughter pay you sick pay or would you have to claim? And where would you be with claiming as you would be classed as self employed? Who pays your insurance as a self employed person? And if there is an accident while you are looking after the children, either in or out of the home? I can see so many problems with these arrangements.

I wouldn't do it, for many of the reasons given, but particularly having your daughter as your employer. I love my daughters very much, but I wouldn't want to be answerable to them in the same way one is to an employer. Family businesses are bad enough, but when it involves all the emotional ties of grandparents to grandchildren, and parent to child, it's a recipe for family discord! Your daughter needs to employ someone else as a daily nanny and you can help out in the usual way as grandparent. Don't let the fact that you are not happy in your current job sway you. Sort out a better job, keep your current rate of pay and keep your grandmother-grandchild relationship. Good luck!

While it’s lovely to be able to help your daughter , there are considerations such your pension esp if you are employed in the NHS currently.
It’s a very big responsibility for one person who isn’t the parent.
You may also feel a bit isolated with three children 40 hours a week.
If you say no do you think that would affect your relationship with your daughter. Do what you think is best for you. Good luck.

Thank you all for your advise I am a fit 51 year old. I have time to consider all my options and much appritiate your advise.

I registered as a childminder many years ago when my oldest got married.Always looked after the 4 grandchildren for no fees. Wish I could afford to just have them. Did have a few times when i had to bite my tongue. Minimum fees for a place in Nursery here would be £50 a day each child but childminders are cheaper. Lots to think about including your pension contributions. Good luck

Is £700 a week or £700 A month?

Your age is important in this. I see quite elderly grans pushing buggies around. I don’t think it’s fair to ask you. I definitely wouldn’t do it.

Oh sorry , missed your post stating your age. You’re still young and it’s a possibility. I’m 70 so no way Jose! Good luck with your decision ?

I looked after 22 mth GD before lockdown 1.5 days a week + GS (7yrs) One of those days was quite long so school runs all meals and bath time. The other half day wasn’t too bad but I would then go on and do my job. I did not get paid) I found it very tiring although also very enjoyable and I missed them terribly through lockdown. I’m considering early retirement now and would be happy to look after the GCh but little one will go to nursery when she can. I would not however want to be committed to full time all the time. Not sure it’s good for any of us! If she is offering 13 weeks holiday is she a teacher? If so then most employers offer childcare vouchers at advantageous rates. It is your choice though but not sure £700 is really appropriate remuneration for your professional services.

I think mixing personal and professional should be done with extreme caution, for the material reasons already outlined, but also to preserve your sense of self and ultimately your relationship with your daughter and grandchildren. Xx

I would look for some changes to the proposed arrangement. Could your daughter drop off and collect the children from your home? That would shorten your day considerably and reduce your driving to just doing the school run. I know I would prefer to mind my grandchildren at my home, if it were an every day job. It also means the children will be dressed and ready when they arrive. I feel that the salary being offered is not realistic or fair, though I understand that that’s a hard topic to discuss. Maybe your daughter could provide a weekly hamper/basket of the food she wants the children to eat for lunches and snacks. That would reduce your additional trips to the shops.

I bet your job pays more than that. Just say no she wanted the children she should arrange care not you

Hi Kwill...your hourly rate would be approx £4.38 based on 160 hours a month! Is it worth it? How well do you get on with your daughter anyway before you take this role on? Could this role cause long term problems in your relationship with your daughter? Is she a fair person, will she take on your needs too during this situation? She does not sound fair with the hourly rate...comes across like she is taking advantage. On the positive ... Yes, you have more time with your lovely grandchildren which will bring you all very close...but, if things go wrong you will be devastated if your daughter then keeps the Grandchildren away from you. They do say not to work with Family members...think very carefully.

Someone mentioned tax benefits, but if you only get £700 a month, you won’t be paying tax. I’m also not sure if you can be self employed if you work solely for your daughter. It may be more of a employer/employee set up! If you are self employed you need to pay self employed NI rate.

The other thing to consider is your relationship as Granny would change and at weekends you would probably not see them for social occasions as you had been with them all week.

I already know of one lady in her mid sixty been doing this for a few years only she looks after 2 children, as far as I know it must work out as she’s still continuing, I wouldn’t do this no way myself, I would imagine a lot of pitfalls illness, etc, it must be such hard work,also I like time to myself,

Sounds great at first read given I hardly see my only grandson at all. BUT there are so many things for you to consider, what if you or your daughter get Covid....it is not going away and now a type of swine flu on its way.
I also agree with Pippa22 in that it will be a total change to family dynamics and there is the tax issue and so on.
Good luck.

Also if you registered as a childminder could you claim the 15 or 30 hours childcare payment from the Government. (The hours vary according to parents income)

I assume you will be looking after Gc in your daughter house so she will get food, and you won't have to buy toys etc. I am a registered childminder, and looked after 3 of my 4 gc. I loved it. I'd say if your not happy in your job, and you can afford to take less money go for it.

In the present climate I'm not sure it is a good idea to give up any permanent job, once the GC are all school age even if you are collecting and taking to school you will be out of a job at around 56. Leaving love and pleasure of seeing the GC to one side you will be in a vulnerable work position at a difficult age in possibly a very difficult market. It is a horrible decision to be landed with as there are so many imponderables at present

Even now I can hear my dear old mum saying you had them, you look after them. This was in the dark ages of course.

Good luck with whatever you decide.