Looking after grandchildren

definitely dont do it

I know you would love to do it, But what happens if you are ever ill and cannot drive over to her. That then becomes a problem for her.

The thing with Nurseries is that there are very strict rules about what parents can or can't do. If they are late for picking the children up, there are penalties. If the children are ill, they aren't allowed to go. If the staff are sick, then someone else steps in. If parents don't send them, they still have to pay. All these things mean that parents can't take advantage, know exactly where they stand so the staff are fully protected from emotional demands that grandparents aren't.
There is also an understanding that the children are properly insured, there is appropriate supervision levels, the children are properly assessed and reported on with a scheme of work, etc. The social mixing is also great for them. It is also far easier for the staff of a nursery to inform the parents of behavioural issues or social integration problems than it is for a grandparent. My DGS was autistic but the parents dismissed anything I said but realised that there really was a problem when the Nursery Staff asked them if they could get the SEN staff involved.
I started looking after my grandson for 2 days a week when he was 9 months old and, although I think I am quite a tolerant person, I found myself being highly irritated by his parents when they came to pick him up and it was obvious they had been shopping or had gone to the gym first. Admittedly I wasn't being paid for my services but I just felt that I was just being used especially when they sometimes took a day off but I was still expected to look after him, sometimes without knowing they weren't at work. We did manage to sort it out but there was a time when I thought it was going to end up in an argument which I really didn't want. It was also exhausting, cut across my week and not as fulfilling as I had thought it would be so when I wanted to cut my days to once a week, it was very awkward.
You may be a very different person to me but one of the things I also miss on the days I have the grandchildren is adult company. My husband disappears and all my peer group don't really enjoy the company of small children for very long.
Obviously, if you've taken careful consideration of the pros versus cons so you still want to go ahead, then go for it and have a great time really engaging with your grandchildren because that is the best pro there is going.

Also what about when you are too ill to have them..... at work you would receive sick pay ....none of us are are getting healthier as we get older. Have you s partner to help... or indeed complain!? I love my grandkids but I wouldn’t want them 40 hours a week,

No I wouldn`t, what about your pension rights, sick pay, etc. Plus it is a lot to take on for very little reward. I know their your grandchildren but you are entitled to a life!
Wouldn`t you miss having your own independence and what about if you argue, are you then unemployed. It is barely £10 a day per child plus pay your own tax and insurance pension, feed them all, really? They are taking the p@@@

Is she going to pay your NI, pension contribution etc. Personally I wouldn’t - I don’t want to work full-time at my age and I don’t want to be tied down to my grandchildren, am more than happy to help on occasions but not as a job. - why can’t they go to the nursery where you work?

I think this is a huge responsibility to take on but if you feel you can do it why not... you don't say how old you are and if you are physically fit think it would be very tiring

When my granddaughter was born I had her for a few days a week ...I was also a NNEB nursery nurse and retired to.look after her ...loved every minute if it and we are so close now ...shes 11 now ...BUT your situation is very different and more intense ...I would think long and hard about it tbh

I guess that, working in a nursery, you're aware of the need to register as a childminder id you're being paid. You will also be subject to OFSTED .

You would need to keep up your national /pension contributions, tax returns etc. yourself, if self employed. That is extra work time.

If you want to work for your daughter, it would be better for you if she were to become your employer rather than you going self employed then the onus is on her to sort out all the paperwork and pay all the insurances/expenses etc. She would have to pay you holiday and sick pay then and at least the minimum wage and you would have employee rights.

Looking to the future, you will lose your job when all the children are at school except for holiday relief. It can work if you don't like your present job but it has to be in your favour to persuade you to give up your present job. You would need a proper contract of employment. Going self employed brings a whole lot of hassle with it which, as PAYE, you don't have at the moment. If your daughter doesn't want to go down this route then she is only interested in what you can do for her and is not interested in your welfare. Also, will you be able to do what you want when looking after the children. Your daughter would need to pay you a budget on top of your wage for activities, transportation and food. Lots to think about.

At different ages I have been a childminder and looked after grandchildren. As a minder I was in my fifties and managed all the feeding, playing and in and out of the car with strapping in, breaking back etc. As a granny I was that much older, mid-sixties and it was exhausting and I only did it part-time.

Taking one child to school and picking up, looking after the baby who will soon be mobile (!!) and keeping the 3 year old amused will be taxing. Good idea to take them to toddler groups as much as poss - you get to sit down and talk to other minders/parents and the kids have something to interest them. Even at six months a baby sitting up will like watching all the activity and the sing alongs.

As others have said, the fact you are asking the grans says something. Had you thought of taking the grandkids to the place you work? Even on a couple of days to keep your hand in there and look after them at the same time? Maybe the school age child could go to a neighbour's for a few hours after school.

The money side and the situation once all three are at school needs looking at - a lot here depends on your age now.

Tell her you are not a cheap baby minder. Your time is your time. Too many grandparents are dumped on and used as cheap baby minders for their selfish children resulting in the grandparent being exhausted. You will be working much harder than in your paid job now. DON'T do it.

Also theres the pension element to consider- and also your own outgoings, you will get paid less, but you still have same bills to pay,plus the petrol and lunches.(couldnt you eat their food?) Also if your daughter cant match what your pay is now then she really should not have asked you. Seems not a good deal for you. I would say no, and look at ways to enjoy your job more, and let your dd look for childcare for the price she can afford- a childmider or an au pair or some such.

I would think long and hard about this. I used to manage a nursery and often spoke to grandparents who, over time became resentful if their grandchildren. With GC they could not join their similar aged friends and were often very tired. I usually look after my grandchildren 2 days a week so still have time to myself. I love it but would not consider a full time commitment.

Also, i hate to say the 'C' word but the covid19 still has NOT gone away and as such we could all be back on lockdown by september, the way things are going.

It's going to be very hard and very tiring for you and you will be comitted to 40 hours a week where you can't do anything of your own. In my opinion you will lose your independence and social side of having your own job. It's definitely not something I would take on.

Please don't do it. My poor sister did this and then was diagnosed with a terminal illness. She and my brother in law continued to look after the children even when it became too much for her.I stepped in while she had chemo and was treated to a bottle of wine! She and her husband should have been enjoying every moment on holiday and relaxing. Sorry but children can be very selfish. My nieces commented that "it kept her young". After her death my BIL said he couldn't cope and the girls were really off with him. Very sad but true.

hallgreenmiss...I am not sure that you have to be a registered childminder if you are based in your daughter's house, only if you use your own premises for childminding.

I went part time and job shared with my daughter in our family business ,I did mornings and she did afternoons until GS went to nursery ,then there was another baby the next year and I did the same again .18 months later my son an d his partner split and he brought his daughter home to us and they stayed for 10 years ,well she did, he moved out a couple of years ago with a new partner .That baby now 11 stayed until lockdown ,she thinks of this as home ,theres a new baby at dads house so this is a great way of them being the family her dad and his partner wanted although wee madam and I were cautious it has worked out very well

.Thats 17 years of childcare I've done and I've loved every day of it.I didn't take money off my children as its FAMILY and in my life family is the most important thing of all.
I dont think I'll have the new baby to look after as my DIL to be has a lot of sisters and a mum who are besotted with their new wee girl
.IF you want to help and can afford it being paid or not, do it.You'll have the best time I have a great relationship with all my GC .I had an elderly parent and a teenager at home when I started looking after mine as well as my businesses to run and I wouldn't swap that time for anything .Not everyone gets the chance I was 49 when I started now I'm 66 and I swear they've kept me young .

Have you places at the nursery you work in and could you take them there ? She would have to pay the going rate of course, but if you look after them and give up your job, what happens if you become ill ? A friend of mine put her foot down and said NO to full time care ….but she does have them weekends and sometimes is asked to get to their house by 07.00am to get them ready for school and nursery and then drive them there and pick them up again ...this has sorely impacted on the plans she and her husband had (well, not THIS year as they could go nowhere anyway !)...so give it some long hard thought !

That you are on here asking tells me you have some doubts or concerns and you are right to have these. Others have posted the types of things I would urge you to consider. Maybe draw up an old-fashioned list of 'Pros & Cons' for your current job and the proposed one for your daughter.
1: 3 kids, full time, for only £700 - seems like an exceptionally low salary -for 40 hours you have each/all the children this is probably less than minimum wage.
2: The salary is already low yet you would have the expense of petrol, lunches, presumably activities and/or materials + any equipment they need or safety kit to install.
3: How long would this arrangement be for? What happens when all 3 kids are at school?
4: What if your daughter has more kids?
5: Would you need to be a registered childminder? Have other children to make the finances work?
6: Would you have a proper contract?
7: What if your daughter's working conditions change and she tries to alter the arrangement? Or has months when money is tight so tries to ask if she can delay or reduce payment to you?
8: This will change all relationships - yours with your daughter; yours with the grandchildren; your daughter & her children. The dynamics will be different. You will be their main carer.
9: What happens if you and your daughter disagree on aspects of care: the hours, if you or she are ill, meal times, after school activities, discipline etc?
10: 3 kids will almost certainly be tiring, demanding, and what if they each want friends over after school or you end up ferrying them to lets of hobbies. sports, activities?
11: Where do you stand legally if you are now their paid carer rather than grandparent looking after grandchildren?
12: You say you would get paid holiday for 13 weeks a year but what about sick pay, pension etc. What arrangements is your daughter making for those 13 weeks or would you be asked to have them as grandparent looking after them rather than paid to care for them?
13: When do you find time for your own appointments, shopping etc or do you have to do these with little ones in tow?
14: What about any evenings, dates, work stuff, training courses etc when your daughter wants to go out, be late home etc - do you end up with the kids for extra hours or additional 'babysitting'?

I just put the figures into the calculator...if the £700 was a weekly salary it works out at £17,50 an hour (approx £5.83 per child). If the £700 was a monthly salary it equates to £4.30 an hour (£1.43 per child)....either way it is not good! I believe babies and very young children generate premium income for most qualified childminders.

I would think VERY carefully before you commit to this as, much as you might love your daughter and the kids and want to help, this could be a recipe for a disaster and impact all of you in a negative way. Don't be rushed into a decision/ Think about the points people have raised on here and any examples of the plus points or pitfalls people have shared.

Whatever you decide, good luck

This needs an awful lot of thought - you will be losing your "position": as Gran, and becoming something totally different. A Grandparent role is something to be cherished and enjoyed, and not really as an employee. Do not feel guilty if you decide to not take it in - good luck, and all good wishes.

I must be way out of touch but £700.00 per week sounds like a lot of money to me. I thought you meant per month and I thought that seemed a bit mean. How much would someone need to earn to be able to pay out that much for childcare?

I wouldn't
There are bound to be very stressful times eg when they get ill & it could put a huge strain on your relationship as you get exhausted.
Question - would you have asked your mother to do this for you?
You are a professional with your own clearly defined job & hours at work.
If it is a good deal, let someone else have the 'opportunity ' & create a new job for someone
I speak from experience
Much as you may love your GC, if you get ill cos you're too stressed out it won't help anyone.
This is not in your best interests.
It's okay to say 'No thank you'.
Be your own best friend xxx

All the posts have listed a number of matters to consider before committing. I’ve done some quick sums and your annual income will be either £9,100 or £8,400 depending on whether the £700 is monthly or 4 weekly. That equates to an hourly rate of £5.80 or £5.38 even taking into account the 13 weeks holiday. That’s well below the minimum wage but does appear about average for childminding. You’ll have no tax to pay as below £12,500. I think a lot depends on your daughter’s financial circumstances. Does she have a partner in employment? Is she on minimum wage herself? I think she should supply the children’s’ food at least! On the plus side, if you’re fit enough, you have a great chance to spend time with the grandchildren whilst they still adore their Granny! You can do your own thing weekends, half term and holidays or whenever the 13 weeks holiday are taken .......