Babysitting granddaughter - what's wrong with me?

They are only little for such a short time, blink & it's gone.. Your dil mother can't be here just now, do the right thing & support them now, Zumba will always be there

I don’t think it is wrong of you at all to want some time for yourself so don’t even think about giving up Zumba.You work full time,your husband doesn’t work,your son and daughter in law have chosen not to sent their child to childcare.I don’t understand why your family think it should be you and not your retired husband who helps them out.Mum has no time,dad has lots of time so let’s ask mum to look after our daughter??

You sound like you are racked with guilt because you can't "do it all" and are trying to please everyone. You had your own children 30 years or more ago and are entitled to your own life. You already care for your husband and father. However, although the 2-3 year age group is the hardest and most tiring, it doesn't last long they quickly grow and you need to decide whether you want a close relationship with the little girl or not. I had no help at all with 3 children under 10 and a husband who worked long hours and almost never there. I didn't want to be like that and I've enjoyed having the two grandsons. They make me smile and laugh and happy. I would suggest you discuss this situation with your husband and let him know how you feel and see if he would be willing to do some childcare.. I would also suggest you get your son on his own and discuss it with him. Then make your decision.

Reading your post it sounds like you are truly selfish. But unless we look after ourselves who else will? Just do what makes you feel right. There is no obligation to visit your father, to care for a grandchild. We owe nothing to parents or to our adult children but we do owe it to ourselves to be fit and have an independent life.

Quite frankly babs75 I would be telling my husband and son if they have anything to say speak to me personally. Why does the caring role fall entirely to you ? Surely your husband can help with this.
I agree it may be better to care for your granddaughter in her own home which is more geared to her needs. Having said all that time with your grandchildren is precious and you may regret it if you miss out on this. I would have a serious talk with your husband about sharing more of your responsibilities.

I too had no one to help with childcare when my children were young. I would have given anything for some help and it would have made such a difference to my stress levels. With this in mind, I was determined to help out with my grandchildren whenever possible. When I worked (4 days a week) I looked after my granddaughter on my day off; but we also had sleepovers at weekends to give her parents a chance of a lie-in. If you don't have time during the day to help out with childcare, could you not offer to have your grandchild overnight at weekend? All you need is a cot and some toys. Both my grandchildren love staying and fight over whose turn it is to have a sleep over (it's hard work to have them both sleep!). The pleasure we get from looking after them is priceless, it's hard work, but very rewarding.

If you don’t want to have her then do as others have said but if you do want to spend time with her as you are organising your own work day could you not arrange to have an afternoon off even once a week to do this? Surely your have leave entitlement that you could use to do this. A family member is doing this for my GGD so mum gets a couple of child free afternoons to fully concentrate on work.

Looking after a little one is exhausting and time consuming. You already have a full timetable, just say , sorry but can’t fit it all in. Your choice.

Be careful..,, they are grown before you blink
Do what you feel you want to do I just remember how frazzled I d get looking after a number of different grandkids over a number of years Now they re all older teens I never see them barely hear from them ( just how it should be) but I d give anything for those frazzled tines back

What Madgran77 says. I'm always amazed that people are so keen to timetable another's life. you are allowed a life you know! good luck!

1. They should have spoken to you if they feel you need to use YOUR time differently!
2.You really shouldn't feel guilty..this is your life and you can live it as you wish. You should not be unwillingly/guiltily "squeezing out" your own precious "me time" to suit them!!
3. Why do they think that your time is their right to use/dictate to? They are seeing you as a solution to their stresses which is completely unfair. The only solution for them with you, is using anything that YOU are willing to offer!
4. Why do they see this is your "failure"? Why is childcare your job? Your husband is retired, he can do it IF he chooses to!
5. If they don't want to use childcare that is up to them ...but does not mean that they can use you for free instead!!

I think you know all of the above and I think you need to fight your own natural guilty instincts. You are a "giver", someone who helps, and have rightly been doing that for your dad and will be again. Don't let anyone take away your time unless YOU want to give it. It is very true that grandchildren are only young for a short time ...but I think as grandparents we all have to forge our own role according to what WE want and what we are allowed to do ...but what |WE want comes first.

Decide for your self what you want to do; tell your husband. Then I would talk to your son and DIL together; explain that you do not feel able to offer regular slots of time for care because you are working, you get tired, you are looking into future care for your father, you need some time to your self to relax. Tell them what you can offer, if anything. Then ...carry on living life as YOU want to!

Bear in mind that your GC will not be small for long,

Your DiL will soon be on maternity leave, I imagine, so it’s a short term problem for them. Given that you work FT, have an outside interest and also care for your father, adding in childcare is a big ask. How can you do your work if you’re childminding at the same time? As they have daycare available to them, they really ought to use that - my own GC are going back to nursery next week.

Otherwise, as you yourself suggest, your Dh could step in to help. He could maybe look after your GD in her own home, where her toys are and it will be toddler-proofed.

Best wishes.