Babysitting a 15 month old boy driving me to distraction please help!

Lucca Is that a brick wall I see before me?
<bangs head>

He sounds like a normal 15 month old but maybe should talk to his parents to get some guidance from them if you are concerned.

Um...op has replied a while ago ....

Maybe have a word with your DD? Admit childcare is too much for you!
I did a few months ago. Our 3 yr old GS was too much for us even though we love him very much. It got so it was getting dangerous! He escaped from the house and ran off, climbed cupboards, switched cooker and other machines on! A real little scamp.
DD agreed to he now goes to a childminder who is wonderful and younger and energetic.
We are all now calm and peaceful again

Lots of good advice; agree with GagaJo in almost everything, except he may be too young to learn what 'naughty step' means.
No, it is NOT 'what kids are like these days'. Some are more boisterous, and more exhausting to look after, than others, but basically, kids need boundaries. And kids will always test the boundaries.
Don't offer quavers and crisps; that is not food. He will not starve! But don't make food a battleground. If he doesn't like what you offer, leave him be, don't go looking for alternatives.

Be strong; it'll be worth it. In the long run, your grandson won't love you less for setting boundaries, but respect you more.

paddyanne

lazypaws why on earth are you putting a label on a perfectly normal 15 month old baby ? He is behaving as 15 month old babies do

Absolutely paddyanne.

He's still a baby.

Jillybird I taught small children. The rule in a school setting is: don't smile for the first fortnight, after that, they're in the palm of your hand. You have to be cruel to be kind... You are not doing him any favours by allowing poor behaviour. He needs to learn how to be acceptable in every setting
Jillybird please tell us you’re not serious!

paddyanne

lazypaws why on earth are you putting a label on a perfectly normal 15 month old baby ? He is behaving as 15 month old babies do

Absolutely

Put him into a strict routine every day the same as it will make him feel more secure.
E.g. breakfast 8am morning break 10 am fruit n biscuits. Building bricks 10. 30 lunch 12 noon. Down for nap 1 til 3. Out in buggy maybe to park or just quick walk til 4. Another activity til teatime e.g. cars, tent, tv etc.
Have reins if you go to park for safety. This is what I did when childminding for a few weeks until children settled then you can relax it a bit.

lazypaws why on earth are you putting a label on a perfectly normal 15 month old baby ? He is behaving as 15 month old babies do

It sounds like your grandson has ADHD or could even be on the autistic spectrum. Try doing things with him that would make him tired; let him run around your garden, or if that's in danger of being trashed, take him to the park, and throw the ball for him to chase after. Wear him out! And tell your daughter or son, that they need to find another babysitter. Why do our offspring expect us (when we're older with health issues) to look after their kids unpaid!

At that age, a trip to a nearby (safe) park in a pushchair, then a run around in the fresh air to expend energy, were essential. Point out every flower, tree, bird, pond, duck etc, to have him learning and stimulated.

Plus a large playpen in the living room.

After a good getting rid of energy, a nap!

Structure the day. Have food after trip out. No snacking.

I was 70 when my daughters had her baby and yes, she wanted babysitting on a frequent basis.
I had forgotten how to change nappies after 35 years and I quickly realised how exhausting looking after a toddler was.

He is now 5years old and a bundle of energy. I must admit I feel absolutely knackered after they have gone home. Having a day out with them means I need the next day to recover.

It gets better with time, so hang in there.
I think occasionally we have to say no to our nearest and dearest.

I have a three year grandson who is at full pelt all day. Its blooming exhausting looking after him. He enjoys washing his toys in the sink so that's a good activity. The garden is our saving grace. We've installed swings and a see saw. We also bought big toys in charity shops for the garden. We have a tent which just flips open so on nice days he can eat in the tent. We also have a trampoline which all the grandchildren love. All I can say is this time is precious. It will be gone in a flash.

I have 2 sons now grown up. When my GD was born it was lovely and although her parents said she was hard work they realised how good she has been since their son was born. He is now 2 and is everything I remember a 2 year old to be. He gets into the fridge, climbs everything, is very single minded when he wants to do something and doesn't like holding my hand. Boys are very different. Pick your battles, 'reinforce please and thank you. Both my son's survived to be nice, considerate adults. I am sure your grandson will too. Stay strong, x

Try ignoring as much of the 'bad' behaviour as you can (unless it's dangerous) and concentrate on rewarding the 'good' behaviour. So eg if he's throwing things around and having a paddy don't reward him with lots of attention. My last kid was a destroyer and a screamer, and we found that if he got little attention for these antics he soon got bored with them. On the other hand if he wanted to engage in a game or look at a book he had happy faces and approving gestures all around him. I'd love to tell you it was an overnight success but that would be a lie! Eventually though he did learn that good behviour had its rewards and bad behaviour got him largely ignored. I'd add that he was the only one of my kids who eventually had a playpen and that was for my sake not his. Occasionally he'd be put there and left to scream himself quiet and when he calmed down he'd be lifted out and cuddled so that he associated calm reasonable behaviour with rewards. You have my sympathy, it's a very trying time and best of luck!

You have COPD and fibromyalgia, so getting out into parks etc might be a big deal and very tiring for you. He is turning up hyperactive. I think you need to work out what you can cope with in terms of hours and days. Then have a serious talk with your daughter. What is happening at the moment is not good for you or for the little lad. Certainly, tweaking his diet to cut sugar (and calories in general) may well help. Also the many ideas for routine and using TV/a bath for time out(ish) are good. And small children do need to burn off energy so if you are not well enough to take him out much he needs a play centre or whatever - ask locally. Its my guess you and your daughter need to have a real plan for dealing with damage and defiance. Does he have any angers/insecurities that may be coming out? Sorry to answer questions with questions. By asking you are on the path to finding a better way.

Stop having him round at your place.
Visit him only at his house.
Let the mother pick up the pieces......

Food only in high chair also tell his mum you don’t know how to cope with him now he’s growing up and what does she suggest How does she manage with him on a day to day basis as you are exhausted and so must she be same ??

I bet someone else has mentioned this, but just in case they haven't,you could present his food in a fun way. Make a face out of various bits of more nourishing food you want him to eat. If he is up in his high chair you will have more control.

I can remember my sister telling me when I had my first child that I should turn the house into a giant play pen. We used gates to stop her going where she might harm herself but apart from that she was free to roam.

I had girls and I know that's a different kettle of fish altogether. Boys do find it harder to sit still so keep him moving to use up that energy.

All the very best to you.

Magicwand
Yes, Positive Parenting!

It's astonishing that so many people (not necessarily on here) think that negativity is the best way.
I do think that a firm 'No' occasionally followed by distraction is not a bad thing but in a nice way.

Trying to think back 30 odd years ago when my two son's were little! Further to the suggestion of a high chair I used to have a plastic mat under mine. for my boys. Then any food dropped on the floor was easy to clear up. Baby gates were a must and baby proof fasteners on all the cupboards and drawers I didn't want them to get into. All precious ornaments were up a height. I swore by reigns, not those horrible things that go on their wrists that are no good for stooping them running into the road! Wellingtons and a plastic mac for walks in the rain. They love stamping in puddles. Washable felt tip pens and plenty of paper. Duplo is the big Lego (I still have a crate in the loft) but wooden blocks are fun to knock down. Books on shapes and colours rather than story's are educational and you can make a game pointing to similar colours, apart from Thomas the Tank engine books which were a favourite. Toys like shape sorters and anything with wheels that they can push along the floor. A large bean bag so when they were tired they would flake out on that. I would say your grandson is a bit young for play dough as most thing go in their mouths at that age.

I know just how you feel. I didn’t babysit on a regular basis, but when my D D asked if I could have the twins for the day, I had a panic attack. ( boys) . I had run a playgroup for 10 years but having the twins was more exhausting. If I took them to the park, they would run in different directions. One would go up the slide, the other running towards the flying swings. ?‍♀️. I just got out the toy box with lots of different things in and didn’t worry about the state the house would get in. Paddling pool with slide in in the summer. Out for a walk in their buggy until they fell asleep. They are 14 now and lovely, dear boys and we have a great bond. Good luck ?

Gosh it's scary reading some of the replies here. A naughty step for a fifteen month old. Really!!! As a nursery teacher of nearly 40 years and a grandma to a little boy I would say this is the big difference between boys and girls. Boys are usually really physical and on the go most of the time. I remember being exhausted looking after my grandson between a year and aged two and a half. The main thing is to get him outdoors as much as possible -play areas, parks, walks and to try and tire him out. Make sure he has a sleep during the day and then you can also re charge your batteries

Apologies if it's already been said, as I haven't read all 5 pages of replies.

Try to tell him what you want him to do, not what you don't want him to do. Our instinct is to say "Don't pour that drink on the floor!" whereas it's much more effective to say something like "Hold your drink carefully" with lots of praise given if he manages it.
It can be really difficult to think of a positive thing like that to say on the spur of the moment as it doesn't come naturally, I needed to practice when I looked after my grandchildren but it really does help.
I realised I was trying to talk like a satnav, they say "At the next roundabout take the second exit." they don't say "Don't get off the next roundabout at the first exit because you need the second one."

At 15m he's too young to understand about the 'naughty' step or even the concept of being naughty, we all have different definitions for that anyway. If you and the parents decide to introduce it later it's better to call it a time out or calming down step/area. And at 15m he's also too young to understand any lengthy explanations of why he shouldn't do something, so keep these short and only if you really think they'll help.
He may not have much language to be able to express himself yet, so acknowledging his frustration that he wants to do something, but you don't want him to do it, will also help. Try to have some distractions to hand to divert him from something you don't want him to do.
Good tv is your friend in short bursts if you both sit and watch together; CBeebies stuff is good and (I think) has to be produced to strict guidelines - Hey Douggie is my and my granddaughter's particular favourite!

There's also a new BBC Under 5s parenting website, Tiny Happy People, that looks really good so it may be worth your while giving that a look as well.

Wishing you all the very best Cher.