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Grandparenting

Interfering?

(114 Posts)
BGB31 Thu 24-Sep-20 09:55:17

Briefly....GS (9) has told me he is soon to be allowed to walk to school on his own. About a 25 min walk crossing several roads. He has a mobile phone - old one of Mums.
I think he’s much to young for this and am worrying all the time. BUT don’t know whether to mention to his mum (my DD). Our relationship can be tense. Also I only have DGS side of the story (although it did sound as if they’d talked about it, so don’t think it’s completely made up!).

Should I keep quiet? She’s a good mum and will have thought about pitfalls but as I said, I think he’s too young.

Purpledaffodil Thu 24-Sep-20 11:51:06

Aged 9 he’s presumably in Year 5 unless a September birthday? DGS school where I also taught, expects some yr 5 and6 children will walk home alone. It’s suburban Surrey. They are even allowed to bring in mobile phones which are kept in the office during the school day for extra contact on the walk. It’s never easy to let them go a little I do sympathise.

grandtanteJE65 Thu 24-Sep-20 11:55:06

Unless the roads are devoid of pedestrian crossings and very busy, a nine year old should be able to walk to and from school on his own.

At what age would you consider him old enough?

Stop trying to wrap him in cotton wool. His mum sounds sensible. I don't know what he needs a mobile phone for, though.

Callistemon Thu 24-Sep-20 12:35:07

GrandmaFrench
There’s nothing like being on a Forum to give you a complex, eh, Callistemon
grin

Jayt Thu 24-Sep-20 12:42:47

Trust your daughter and your grandson to decide. I think we give our young people too little credit for what they are capable of doing.

NotSpaghetti Thu 24-Sep-20 12:50:41

Ha ha Calistemon, when I said "somewhere odd" I was really thinking that maybe it was situated on a major junction with flyovers and extremely heavy traffic, or, conversely was a tiny village school situated in a blind spot on a single-track or super-wiggly road. ?

Callistemon Thu 24-Sep-20 12:55:13

It's ok, I'm still laughing NotSpaghetti
Other Granny takes to school but is not allowed to go right up to the school gate because apparently it's 'embarrassing' when you get to Y4.

But no, they're not allowed out without someone designated to collect them, the children all look happy with that.

Luckygirl Thu 24-Sep-20 13:37:02

I seem to remember a hoo-hah about this on the news a few years ago where the school reported parents to SS when they let their children walk to school. The parents - responsible and caring - were furious, as they had put a lot of thought and preparation into the decision. I cannot remember what the outcome was.

But anyway......interfere at your peril!!!!

NotSpaghetti Thu 24-Sep-20 14:00:41

I do know that my close friend (a just retired headteacher) had some children who had to be collected by a specific person. I hadn't realised that it was all under 11s now.

NotSpaghetti Thu 24-Sep-20 14:10:02

Oh. Ok I have just had to google this as having to be collected, basically up to 11, seems mad to me. This is what I found on the NSPCC site:

There’s no legal age that your child can travel home from school alone – this is up to you and your best judgement, or your school’s rules and policies.

The NSPCC says that :some schools" say a child generally should be eight but it depends on the individual child's maturity.

So it's obviously a school-by-school thing.

Madgran77 Thu 24-Sep-20 14:12:31

I understand your worry but I think you have to grin and bear it. It really is for his parents to judge re what their son does and when, and no one else.

Esspee Thu 24-Sep-20 14:21:48

My OH caught a bus to primary school on his own and apparently this was normal.
That was from the age of five!!!!

ElaineI Thu 24-Sep-20 14:24:08

DGS1 school teachers bring them out and they can't leave till designated person there to collect them. Have to be dropped off in morning and designated person watches till they go in. Infant school P1 to P3 (5 - 7). Not sure what happens in upper campus across the lane but they finish earlier. The starting and finishing times are all staggered just now.
My own DC went with their friends from about 8 but there was only 1 minor road to cross.

BlueBelle Thu 24-Sep-20 14:24:12

To start with, you say he told you ‘soon’ so that may be any time in the near future Secondly it really can’t be up to grans it has to be between him and his parents Although you will worry it has to be ......9 is not too young if the parents trust him
I remember when my son was about 10 and started to go to a young kids evening club which was a few roads away and in the dark evenings for the first few weeks I followed at a discrete distance till I saw him turn in at the gates....he never knew
Worry equates love but it’s a love we have to keep to ourselves and never let the child know
Leave it to the parents He will be fine

eazybee Thu 24-Sep-20 14:27:28

The Road-safety police who visited school to talk to the pupils said that a child was considered perfectly capable of walking to school, dealing with traffic and crossing busy main roads by the age of ten, which would apply to children in Year 5.

I have never heard of pupils of Junior school age (7 to 11) having to be collected by an adult. Infant (4-7), yes.

PaperMonster Thu 24-Sep-20 16:10:01

At my daughter’s village school, years 5 and 6 can walk home without an adult. My daughter’s year 5 and we talk about it, but she doesn’t feel ready yet.

Floradora9 Thu 24-Sep-20 16:24:38

At his age I walked miles through the town to school by myself in fact from the age of 6 . I also walked home from Brwnies in the dark .

Callistemon Thu 24-Sep-20 16:52:35

NotSpaghetti there could be several 'looked after' pupils in a school who have to be collected by a designated person for good reason and the school has a duty of care to ensure this happens.
Perhaps they do this with all the children to ensure that those children don't feel different.

I don't know why, but that is how it is.

Callistemon Thu 24-Sep-20 16:53:06

Floradora9

At his age I walked miles through the town to school by myself in fact from the age of 6 . I also walked home from Brwnies in the dark .

Yes, we all did.

That was then.

NotSpaghetti Thu 24-Sep-20 18:01:34

Yes, *calistemon - and not just "looked after" either.
Domestic abuse has always been a reason to have designed people collecting.
Yes. Perhaps not making them different is the reason. After all, this is why "group" or "class" school photos became a thing of the past.

TrendyNannie6 Thu 24-Sep-20 18:11:55

Yes, my GS has been doing this a while,

Tabbycat Thu 24-Sep-20 18:44:28

I agree with those posters who mentioned that primary school children who are taken to and collected from school, suddenly have to cope with travelling longer distances on their own (sometimes on public transport) when they go to high school.
As a Year5/6 teacher I encouraged parents to prepare their children for this big change by practising the journey to their new school - travelling with them on buses/trains, but let them pay and ask for the tickets and decide when and where they had to get off; talking about safe places to cross on the route; finding out if neighbouring families had children at the same school they could travel with etc. etc.
As I neared retirement I was told by some parents that their child would not be allowed to travel anywhere on their own even when they went to high school - I couldn't believe it!
Now that I am retired I see some of those parents dropping their children off a few streets away from the high school and then picking them up from the same spot at home-time! Apparently it's too embarassing to be seen being taken/ colleced from school by your parents! Again, UNBELIEVABLE!

helgawills Fri 25-Sep-20 09:47:32

I know things were different in the 50s, but my parents sent me (6) and my brother (5) on a 20 minute walk across main roads and a railway crossing on our own

Maggiemaybe Fri 25-Sep-20 09:54:52

Aren’t walking buses a thing now? I only left work 5 years ago, but my school had at that time three or four stops where children of any age could join and walk to school with their friends and a teaching assistant. It seemed a good way to get them ready for walking in themselves (which was discouraged but not banned for children below Year 5).

nipsmum Fri 25-Sep-20 09:54:53

This is not your decision. Encourage and don't interfere. Therein lies trouble I fear

adnil1949 Fri 25-Sep-20 10:01:45

At my grand childrens school all children except year 6 10/11 year olds must be brought to school my an adult, no alone.