Interfering?

My son was nearly abducted very close to.home. I am really not a fan of them walking to.school alone. In this day and age it's scary. He is now 38 but I know it's had an effect on him. Boys are no.safer than girls. I think they.should walk in groups and be told about stranger danger.

Just talk to your daughter and tell her what I said. Just tell her my advice comes from love for her child and our own experience.

Someone tried to take me when I was seven, but I got away. It was probably why I was more careful with my children. None of them walked to school on their own until senior school. There was no point, it wasn’t a risk worth taking. I can’t see my daughters or DIL’s allowing it either, but I would probably just site my own experience. My daughters were also hassled once by young guys on motorbikes, when they were around 12. I met them at that point for a few times until I was satisfied they were no longer a threat. It is difficult. You can’t interfere..but you can use examples of why it’s probably not the best idea.

I can understand your concern but I assume his mum is equally concerned. She must be convinced that he is sensible enough to do this - and perhaps he is walking with someone else, or Mum will follow at a discreet distance for a little while.

I realise things have changed a lot over the years but when I was around 6 or 7 I walked about a mile to and from school in Wembley, usually with a friend/friends. In those days there was not the same regard for safety and I can remember being kept late at school for chattering in class and having to walk home alone in decreasing light. The lollypop lady had gone home and I remember being frightened having to cross the road on my own. I certainly wouldn't recommend that but I do think it is important for children to gain some independence as they grow older.

My youngest were not allowed to walk alone to school till age 10- and we live very near it(2/3 minute walk away, one rd to cross, with the crossing lady) at our old house when elder of the 2 was ten& he took youngest with him we lived directly across rd from school, and i could stand outside our door & see them go across rd safely.when he moved to high school i started taking young one again myself as he was only nearly 7.I guess we were lucky being so near, but i certainly would not let a 9 yr old walk all the way your GS is on his own- what are they thinking? Tense relationship or not, id mention it to his mum, as GS has mentioned it to you do you not think he must be anxious over this, or he wouldnt have said anything at all?!?

BGB31 I think we worry perhaps more about our DGC, I was in the same position 2 years ago when my DGD's mother (My DS ex) let her walk 25 minutes to school across several main roads and finally down a back lane. I was appalled and did say so, but at the end of the day that was all I could do. her Mum was very nice about me worrying and speaking to her about it.
Now 2 years later DGD has just started at her second school and is quite confident about the bus and route and I was proved wrong - although this doesn't stop me worrying.

In this day& age you cant be too careful- ive had 7 children and know what im talking about- when they moved to high school my 2 youngest had to get a public bus, no school bus and at least they were together, and friends got on too, but they were 11& 15& half by then.Not 9. There were warnings from the school that some kids had been almost abducted, and also other older kids can also be a problem on a long way to school, especially to nick phones etc off younger kids.- Has she really thought this through? Or discussed it with the school?why on his own now,at 9? Has your daughter taken a job recently? Couldnt she drop him to school on her way perhaps? Or is it possible for you to offer to walk him till hes year 6 maybe?

I always took my grandkids to school and fetched them as my daughter and son in law worked in another school 20 miles drive away. So When the eldest at 9 went to a different school , I could not physically be on two places at once. I don’t drive, so it was decided that I deal with the little one and the 9 year old had to ‘grow up quick’ by taking his self to school 1.5 miles away. He had to cross a very busy road ( with crossing)... and then cross two more roads on his way. He thrived on the responsibility! He’s now 13 and his little sister is set to go to his school next year..... children are far more able and resilient than we give them credit for ....it’s their first chance to prove themselves as responsible little beings. Crikey I took myself too and from school from day one ! Too much mollycoddling is no good. Trust your grandson...he will be fine.

My 8 year old granddaughter recently asked if she could walk to the shop on her own. No roads to cross, basically its round the block. My daughter asked our opinion and we both said "no"! We assured her we'd probably still say no when she was 18! Its a hard one. I would have wandered a long way off at that age.

I would worry if it were my grandchild but it does partially depend on how the sensible the child is. Nothing you can do about it without causing trouble questioning your DD’s wisdom in allowing him to walk alone.

BGB31 I think we worry perhaps more about our DGC

I think we do, because we are no longer the decision makers - our children and their partners are, busyb

Mine took themselves off to primary school and home again but I think the worst time was when they did their Cycling Proficiency tests and had to take their bikes to school.

We just have to keep our fears to ourselves.

I'd keep quiet for the sake of peace. She's his mum, her decision! Your son must have felt it was OK too. A nine year old is capable of doing this. At that age children develop road sense. If you're worried have a chat with your son, saying what a big boy your grandson is now, and hopefully your son will reassure you as to what's going on. Never a good idea to criticise parenting skills even if you don't agree with them.

I don't think that you can compare today's risks to the past. We are more aware of paedophiles now than several decades ago, and there is a lot more traffic than when we were kids. It's probably the latter which is the real danger. I would be worried about young children crossing roads, unless they were shepherded across by a lollipop person.

It is difficult, though, when it's grandchildren. You could bite the bullet and voice your fears, but that might lead to a row. I suppose that there isn't much that you can do, but you are bound to worry.

The high cost of loving, I guess. Totally understandable concern but a decision that is actually none of your business. If mentioning it to your daughter, I hope your tone would be in the line of being impressed at the bravery of her decision and not an accusative opinion of error of judgement. This might stimulate discussion rather than defensiveness. Good luck if you decide to comment.

Funnily enough, I was talking about this with my sister last night.

When she was five and I was seven, I used to take her to school (well, we walked together, with me nominally in charge) about half a mile away. My mum was heavily pregnant and my brother was born the month after my sister started school.

My own children had a middle school system and changed schools at 9 after being at a primary where we took them to and from. The summer before, parents used to let them go to a sweet shop, then to Woolworth's, then to somewhere a bit further, until they learned to make the journey and cross the roads in time for starting school. They met up with friends at pre-arranged places on the way.

Once there, though, they were not allowed to leave until home time. I once locked myself in the sitting room (another story!) and rang the school to ask if my son (then 13) could come and let me out at break time, as he had a key. They wouldn't let him, even with my permission, which I thought was ridiculous, although I suppose they didn't know it was actually me on the phone. We lived maybe 10-15 minutes away.

I agree that they are disempowered these days, and also feel that parents can't win. People complain if they don't see children play outside, yet they worry when they are making regular journeys at times when lots of other children will be on the streets going in the same direction.

Just driven past our local junior school on their way home and noticed a significant number of children walking in groups of twos and threes.
Obviously there were lots of children with adults too.

My little brother at the age of 5 or 6 fell at school and his head bled copiously. I was two years older and to my joy I was taken out of class and told to take him home, his hair matted with blood. It was a long walk up a hill to the bus stop on the main road and we sat on the bench to wait for the bus. A passing police car stopped and picked us up and drove us the mile and a half home. Mother, at home with our younger sibling had not been told that we were on our way and I now wonder if we even had a phone at that time. I have also wondered if we would have got into any car had we been offered a lift.

My older children went to middle school at 8 and I met them before they reached the main road which they thought was babying them. Now my 11 year old DGS is at High school, often until 5.30 thanks to music lessons and walks most of the way home carrying an expensive musical instrument then met by a parent to see him safely over the six lanes of a major road out of London. I worry every day. We worry more as we get older and grandchildren can be the most precious thing in our lives so it is natural to be anxious but not our place to interfere.

Can you imagine sending a child home who had had an accident and was bleeding copiously these days, Minerva!

I do remember cutting my head open at school (I was about 6) and going to hospital to have it stitched but can't remember if my mother was told until later.

Our grandson, age 10, was allowed to walk to school for the first time this week on his own. There is only one road to cross. He was ready by 7.30am to make sure he did not have to walk with his Mum and younger sister. He was allowed to go and post letters during the holiday and would have been allowed to visit the shop if it was not for people not keeping to distancing rules. He loves the independence.

I worry much more about my grandchildren than my own two! My daughter walked home from Junior School from when she eight years old, most of the way she was with her friend who lived a few houses further up to us. Mind you, there was only one road with traffic to cross for them. My eldest granddaughter walked to the local supermarket from school (Year 9) with her best friend. My daughter told her she could walk home herself as she had to get back to work (she does the school run, both GD are in the same senior school now). Unfortunately, my eldest GD has no idea how to get home from the supermarket, it isn't a journey she has ever done (unlike younger GD who has walked it with me several times). Luckily her friend was picked up from the supermarket by her Mum who kindly offered GD a lift home. My daughter is funny really, she goes everywhere by car and hasn't a clue herself how to walk from the supermarket to our house, it is a good twenty minutes walk uphill! I have explained to GD how to get home on the bus in case she does the same thing again with her friend, but told her to ring me if she has problems (I live with my daughter and GC)

There are no more perverts around than there were 60 years ago. They are just mentioned in the news more often . I walked to and from school with my friend from the age of 7 , it was a mile away.
My children also walked to and from school from 7 , though this was in a New Town where the estates were built in circles with the school in the middle so they had no roads to cross .
My grandchildren’s school allows them to leave school on their own from year 5 , so aged 9 onwards . I agree with posters who say children need to gain a bit of independence before starting secondary school

It’s normal to worry, but they have to be allowed to mature and grow. Remember mine loving walking to school with a friend from year 5. I was sad as loved walking with them. ?
I still worry about my eldest driving on motorways, by the way. And he’s 29! The worry factor never leaves us...

I started school in 1949 when I was five years and two months. My mother took me to school for the first two weeks and then we had a couple of days when I "took" her so she could be sure I knew what to do. After that I was on my own.

The journey involved crossing a quite busy road and then the A1 in North London followed by catching a bus or tram.

If I caught a tram I had to cross the A1 again as trams couldn't get up the hill to my school.

I never found it a problem. I sometimes think we infantalise our kids.

To be fair boat, I think the traffic in 1949 was probably a bit different to what it is in 2020. And the world is a different place now, unfortunately.

Could you offer to drive him when the weather is bad or if he gets up late?
My daughter was about 9 when she would walk home from school, it was only one block away. She was a latchkey kid. She was only alone for about 15 min while I rushed home. Her Godmother reported me to the school, the godmother was a stay at home mom who never offered me any kind of help. Some kids are never ready to walk to school or home,my brother was one of those kids. 9 is a little young for a 25 min trek.Will he be walking with other neighbor children?