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Grandparenting

Are they insensitive?

(121 Posts)
Antonia Wed 18-Nov-20 10:47:55

My DD knows I love sewing and asked me to make DGD a sleepsuit with feet. I made it, it took me a few days but it turned out well and I was pleased with it. A couple of weeks later and DGD's birthday photos are on Instagram. The first one is of DGD wearing a sleepsuit - similar to, but not the one I made for her.
I think it was insensitive to post a photo that I found quite upsetting.
I won't say anything, but it leaves a sour taste.

Luckygirl Wed 18-Nov-20 10:51:18

Lots of sleepsuits needed for grubby kids - yours just didn't happen to be worn during the photos.

Please do not be upset - we CAN choose what to be upset about or not.

FarNorth Wed 18-Nov-20 10:53:29

You must be very short of things to get upset about, if you've picked on this one.

jaylucy Wed 18-Nov-20 10:55:12

Put it down to a natural mistake - maybe the one that you made was in the wash because it had been thrown up over, or they genuinely didn't realise it was the wrong one , or maybe (as happened with me and my son) that the one that you made is a bit bigger and the one in the photo is just right, size wise.
It's annoying, but don't take it to heart.

FarNorth Wed 18-Nov-20 10:56:14

Maybe your DGD was wearing your sleepsuit earlier in the day but then her nappy overflowed inside it and she had to change suits.

Toadinthehole Wed 18-Nov-20 10:57:05

I’d probably have felt the same as you, but there could be a number of reasons why your granddaughter wasn’t wearing the suit. Could it have been in the wash? As much as you feel hurt, I really wouldn’t say anything specifically about the Instagram page, but you could ask generally, if the suit is ok. You may find your daughter brings it up. It’s so hard isn’t it, but from her point of view, she most likely wasn’t thinking. I doubt it was deliberate. I’m just jealous....you sound so talented 🤗.

Antonia Wed 18-Nov-20 11:01:49

Far North do you really feel it necessary to be unkind?
Thank you to others who have been more understanding.

felice Wed 18-Nov-20 11:04:37

Please do not say anything, with DS1 my Mother and MIL had an ongoing competition over his clothes, going into huffs if he was wearing anything they had not bought him, and critisising anything else he wore, please don't go there.

Antonia Wed 18-Nov-20 11:07:09

Far North my DGD is 7, not in nappies. I was asked to make the sleepsuit with feet because DD couldn't find one with feet for that age.
The one in the photo didn't have feet. I realise I shouldn't be too bothered, and that there are reasons why she wearing a different one, and as someone said, it was probably just thoughtless. It still rankles though.

Antonia Wed 18-Nov-20 11:09:47

Luckygirl, thank you. I know you have had far worse to contend with recently. Hope you are ok. I don't post much but think about you often.

MawBe Wed 18-Nov-20 11:10:06

I knitted a “sleeping bag” for my first grandson.
Bless her, DD was very kind and flattering, but something had gone wrong with the tension and frankly it looked like a hot water bottle cover - unsurprisingly he never wore it.
But I know what you must be feeling - a “blankie” I knitted (I am getting better, honest) for DGS3 goes around everywhere with him and he loves it, but I have yet to see the identical one I knitted for DGS4 ,(youngest D’s baby) possibly because his other granny showers him with exquisite hand knits.
There are worse things to get upset about, if you let them , and I imagine your DD simply wasn’t thinking.
One day, when she’s a Gran it might come back to her!

Lolo81 Wed 18-Nov-20 11:10:34

Your DD obviously thinks a lot of your talent at sewing to ask you to make something for her. I agree with others - babies are grubby and they will undoubtedly have several sets of pyjamas for their baby.
Could you maybe try and reframe this for yourself and instead of focusing on your feelings of upset, instead focus on the fact that your DD is proud of you and enjoys having you make things for her child?
Maybe in future if you do make something could you ask if they would mind sending you a picture of the wee one wearing it?

FarNorth Wed 18-Nov-20 11:16:26

I have a 7 year old grandchild.
She chooses what to wear, herself. Maybe your DGD does also.

I know that if my DGD is not wearing something that I gave her, it is absolutely nothing to do with thoughtlessness and all to do with what's available at the time and her own preference.

Luckygirl Wed 18-Nov-20 11:17:52

Antonia - thank you. Lots of kind people on Gransnet.

Teacheranne Wed 18-Nov-20 11:50:21

I crocheted a few things for my granddaughter who lives in Colorado. Despite hundreds of photos posted online, I never saw her wearing anything I had made, not even a hat! Unfortunately, my son went through a toxic divorce with a lot of bitterness and accusations on both sides so I thought my ex DIL had thrown my gifts away.

Then just two weeks ago in a video call with my son and the grandchildren, there was my granddaughter proudly wearing the hat I had made - she is now three years old and the new born size fits perfectly!

M0nica Wed 18-Nov-20 18:07:27

Why do so many grandparents get so upset so easily? Why do you need to look for constant reassurance that your DC love and care for you and treat any occasion when they do anything that you do not like or a bit off as so upsetting?

Madgran77 Wed 18-Nov-20 18:40:08

I think some people in your DILs shoes would have thought of putting the relevant sleep suit on, as a kindness to give you pleasure. No obligation to, they just would do it! Unfortunately some people just don't think like that, nit to be unkind, they just don't (especially if they are very busy!). I have learnt not to expect such small kindnesses and then I can't be disappointed! flowers

BlueBelle Wed 18-Nov-20 18:55:24

I don’t think it’s worth getting upset about BUT. I totally understand why you are, you put your all into it and have visions of them being so happy with the result and then see them wearing something else Thoughtless of your daughter she should have sent you a photo of her wearing it, even if she had another on in her Instagram photos
that’s my opinion

MissAdventure Wed 18-Nov-20 18:58:38

I'm not sure I'd want something that my child had to be photographed in, so granny didn't get upset.

Hetty58 Wed 18-Nov-20 19:03:32

Antonia, how very peculiar that you expected her to be dressed in 'your' outfit.

I'm sure that it didn't even occur to them. Don't ever expect other people to think like you - or do what you would do!

BlueBelle Wed 18-Nov-20 19:18:28

Well I don’t know about these rather hard hearted posts but when my kids were small and got things sent to them I always tried to get a picture for the giver just seemed a nice way to say thank you
Last month I gave my friend some toys for her small grandsons after their next visit she sent me a pic of them playing with them it made my day

GrannyLaine Wed 18-Nov-20 20:09:25

Antonia I think you are being very unfair to FarNorth: I had exactly the same thought that she expressed. It would be more usual to refer to such a garment for a 7 year old as a 'onesie' while 'sleepsuits' are for babies. After you had gone to so much trouble with making the garment, it would have been better if your daughter had sent you a personal picture of your granddaughter wearing your special creation. But a birthday pic on Insta? Let it go.

GrannyLaine Wed 18-Nov-20 20:11:37

Sorry BlueBelle crossed posts.

Hithere Wed 18-Nov-20 20:17:05

I agree with others is not a big deal
A present or favour shouldn't be made / given expecting something in return (apart from a thank you, of course)

NfkDumpling Wed 18-Nov-20 20:17:07

She wouldn't be needing the one with feet in yet would she? Surely that one will be saved for cold weather. When it gets chill enough and she wears it more often you may well find yourself asked to make another.