Sleepovers (question from DIL)

Like I said Lucca, I respect those who think differently. This is just my opinion...not fact.

I have 4 grandchildren - only 1 has stayed overnight with us and they were 6/7 at the time. We regularly provide childcare for our two youngest grandchildren (now 2 and 4) while their parents are at work, which we enjoy very much. Personally although I love them dearly I don't feel the need to have them sleep over atm - I enjoy my sleep too much lol

Far too young for overnight stays. I completely fall in line with what my DIL says. I prefer it that way and so I am trusted. You shouldn't be put under any pressure or stress about this, and don't leave your baby with anyone who doesn't abide by your rules. Perhaps say you will ask for help if you need it and include her in visits with you there.

It is up to you as parents to decide when you want your child to stay at a GP's or anyone else's home without you. I have to say I have had each of my daughter's three children to stay over from when they were just a fortnight old, mainly so she could have a decent night's sleep, and I used to have them all to stay most Friday nights and all day Saturday too (I was working full time as well which is why we settled on sleepovers only on a Friday night) But my house was quiet, I lived alone and used to go to bed fairly early to be up with the baby early the next day. And, of course, we didn't have worries about Covid then either.

Toadinthehole

Goodness, where do I start?! Regardless of ANY of the reasons you’ve sited as to why you don’t want to do this.....there is absolutely no need, ever, for such a young baby to stay overnight with grandparents. I’m not an advocate of it ever to be honest with you, no matter how old the child is. We’ve had our time, although if you must do it, I would say 10 years old is soon enough. I respect those who think differently.
She sounds a nightmare....just like my late MIL. Forget ‘ making her happy’. It doesn’t work, we tried it. This is your precious baby, her feelings don’t count. It’s time to impolitely say NO. You won’t regret it. Your child must come first, and if you have more, you need to have set the boundaries now, otherwise it’ll just get harder.
I wish you all the best.

Wow! That’s a bit dogmatic isn’t it ? Who says ?10 years old ? A lot of children love staying with grandparents, I know mine do and have done for a long time.
I had DGD stay from I think about 1 year because the parents suggested it ! Nothing wrong with that if it suits both parties.
The issue with OP is that she’s does not want it which is her absolute right .

I have one piece of advice OP. As a new mother, you need to stop caring about other people’s wants & feelings regarding your parenting. Yes, even your MIL’s feelings need to be ignored. They don’t matter, yours do. This is your baby, not hers.

Not to mention, offering an open ended invitation to have the baby sleep over if you & your spouse need a break is fine. Hassling you about your child sleeping over is not fine. It does not benefit the baby, it does not benefit you. It only appeases MILs wants. And we all know she won’t care for your baby the way you’ve asked her to and it will cause you anxiety all night. So simply tell her no and to quit asking.

Do not leave your baby with her overnight,you’d have a nervous breakdown.Just say you feel very teary leaving your child ( blame COVID) Just keep stalling you are the parents——- old say “If in doubt don’t “,good luck.

I am so sorry to hear the your MIL is causing so much stress on what should be a joyous time. I question what exactly she is planning to do with the baby all night if she is so insistent on it. There is plenty of time in the future to establish a warm relationship with her grandson, so why the insistence of an overnight now?

Oops Stand your ground! Blooming predictive text Lol

As a grandma to 4 all of varying ages, I certainly would not have pushed to have any of those babies stay over unless their parents specifically asked me too. I always said I was happy to help with child care and babysitting, on their terms.

Stand your grazing and just say " thanks, but no thanks" when MIL pushes to have you little one sleep over. He's your son, you know him best. Good luck and I wish you all the best as new parents in these very difficult times.

Wow. So many people on here against a baby sleeping overnight at grandparents. I wonder why ?

I’m lucky and my grandchildren have had sleepovers at my house since they were very young HOWEVER the routines asked for by their parents were always stuck to and the reasons for sleepovers were not for my benefit but to give the parents a break and a night’s sleep

The result being 3 children who have always been comfortable, confident and relaxed at my house and parents who don’t worry if there’s ever a ‘need’ for an emergency sleepover

That's a very good suggestion 4allweknow and I've been thinking the same thing.

Oh you poor thing having this pressure put on you. I am a granny and I feel that having a baby with this Covid epidemic must be very hard indeed. I have a 3 year old grandchild who has never stayed overnight with anyone and my own children certainly never until they wanted to. You must do what you feel is right for you and involve mil when you are ready.

Please don't allow your MIL to do anything you don't want her to do. As many others have said your baby your rules. Make it clear that this is what you and your babies dad have decided and there will be no more conversations about the subject, until you decide its okay. Remember Your baby your rules. No argument.

They are all different. My eldest grandson stayed overnight from a young age and spent a lot of time with me. My other grandson has never stayed overnight. Regardless of this, it is ultimately YOUR decision and you shouldn't have to justify it.

Can you have MIL babysit for a couple of hours in your home. Perhaps to allow you and partner to go shopping, for a lunch, meet with friends (adhering to any relevant Covid rules of course). Whilst you don't need childcare at the moment there may come a time when you do eg an emergency so keeping a link albeit short and sweet times may be worth keeping. Do you think oerhaos your son is out of sorts after a sleepover as he isn't familiar enough with his surroundings. That said your son is no one's responsibility other than his parents so just say 'no need for sleepovers' .

She sounds like the mother in law from hell. I think everyone is in agreement that you do things your way. She is causing so much stress. Ask your husband to tell his mother outright that baby sitting is not needed at the moment sends hugs to you.

I don't think there is any right and wrong about the age of a child for staying over at GPs (sorry, 'sleepover' sounds like a party to me!)
There are a lot of cultural differences about this (indeed, within folk who appear superficially to be from the same culture).
I too think the main cue is that you are uncomfortable. You really need to talk to your DH and include him - he may be uncomfortable disagreeing with his mum, but you do need to explain. He can say 'Daisy's family do things differently, and we need more time'.
I also wonder what your mum thinks (apologies if your mum is absent or distant)
Although Covid is making everyone a little more anxious, I wouldn't blame it too much, as she'll glom on to that once you're all vaccinated!
But I do think it's OK to say 'I'm not comfortable yet' and let her moan away.
I agree that boundaries are important, and you need to establish yours - you can keep the door open for the future, but if you get persuaded to do this, then feel unhappy, you'd have to justify changing your mind.

If absolutely necessary (and she does sound like she has a tin ear!) you DH will have to say 'If you push us / Daisy too much on this, we won't feel comfortable leaving child even for a short while'.
Sorry you are going through this - I don't understand this insistence either and I grew up in a very close family

You could of course just show her this chat group’s response. Your baby, your choice of what to do. ??

I think a frank discussion is in order! I would ask your husband to politely have a word with his mother I am a Covid granny for the first time she is 6 months and I have only looked after her briefly for a couple of hours at a time Hopefully I'll get to do more once Covid is gone! It's your baby and your rules! I bite my tongue if my son/DIL suggests anything different to what I would do and I always follow their schedule regarding naps/feeds etc. they know their baby I can't imagine why your baby would need to spend all night with your MIL? If my son and DIL want to go for a meal etc I will go to them so my granddaughter can sleep in her own bed.

I'm with Newatthis. Where is your husband in all this? It is, after all, his Mother and he has known her longer than you. You have maternal instincts (lovely acquisition) so put them to full use and do what is right for you and your lovely baby. I wouldn't have let mine out of my comfort zone at that age. He's 51 now and I've tried again but failed this time!!! Be strong irrespective of the consequences. Good luck.

Agree with all help ful kind comments on here.and your baby so your rules

Your baby your rules and DONT feel guilty. Can your husband put his foot down after all it’s his mother!

I think the thing to remember, as many others have said, it’s your baby and you should totally control what happens re MIL. I have had one set of grandchildren to stay since they were tiny - initially for a night and then for longer as they got older and it enabled us to become very close - but it was always at their parents suggestion. There are plenty of years ahead for MIL to have the little one to stay, and at a time which you and you child feel is right.

sodapop well said.