Gransnet forums


My friend is already interfering!

(50 Posts)
Nanananana1 Wed 23-Dec-20 17:46:53

I have been a grandmother for a total of three days now and my friend has already told me what she thinks I should be called, what names she doesn't like for my GD, what gifts I should buy her and what life is going to be like with a new baby in the family! I am starting to get a little curt with her but want to include her in the fun as she absolutely adores babies. What line response should I take without hurting her feelings?

Jane10 Wed 23-Dec-20 17:49:41

Smile, nod and just do things your way or whatever the new parents suggest.

janeainsworth Wed 23-Dec-20 17:53:39

She sounds like one of those people who don't know when to keep their mouth shut, so I would carry on being curt until she gets the message.

Many congratulations on your little GD, don't let your interfering friend spoil what is a very special time for you and the new family flowers

janeainsworth Wed 23-Dec-20 17:55:05

She sounds like the last thing the new parents want joining in the fun anyway!

vegansrock Wed 23-Dec-20 18:06:18

Just say - not my decision, that’s the parents choice, I’ll give it some thought, and just show off the photos.

glammanana Wed 23-Dec-20 18:40:23

Just smile and say nothing it works every time.
Congratulations on your new baby GD flowers

Nanananana1 Wed 23-Dec-20 19:21:34

Oh you are all so right and very reassuring. I know we love to share our new babies with all those around us but there are some things that just aren't their call! I shall be polite and we will do it our way. Thanks for being here, I am looking forward to asking you for all sorts of advice in the future!

welbeck Wed 23-Dec-20 19:27:49

she seems to view the arrival of your GC as a form of entertainment for her. if it was me, i would not be encouraging that attitude. is this really a friend you want to bother with, or just an anoying acquaintance/ hanger-on.
do the parents of the child know her; if she is not a friend of theirs, they probably won't want her around.

silverlining48 Wed 23-Dec-20 19:35:34

Maybe she is just very pleased for you. Just go along with ‘it’s up to the parents’ . Congratulations.

Pantglas2 Wed 23-Dec-20 19:38:51

Has it never occurred to you......she is not your friend?

Nanananana1 Wed 23-Dec-20 19:52:19

We are very different and the only thing we really have in common is that we had our children at the same time. She was a great support in the early days and I think we both needed the company and respite from our babies. BUT she has always made me feel slightly inadequate so I let the friendship drift for quite while. As we reconnected she has been very kind and generous when I have been through major surgery, family troubles etc. Now she is ill and I feel I can be a good friend and let her share some of our baby-fun but I must button-up and remember she means well. I won't let it interfere with my baby-spoiling at all!

sodapop Wed 23-Dec-20 21:05:19

Congratulations on your new granddaughter Nana I think your friend is just over enthusiastic and will probably calm down soon. It sounds like you have both helped each other through difficult times so it would be a shame to lose this. If your friend continues in this way then I'm sure a quiet word would do the trick.

Hetty58 Thu 24-Dec-20 02:19:31

At least she's interested and involved Nana.

As others have said, just smile and ignore.

I know a self professed 'baby expert' who can't seem to stop herself dispensing knowledge and wisdom to all and sundry.

It's just a habit of hers, that's all.

absent Thu 24-Dec-20 05:11:59

You could, of course, be wholly outrageous and suggest that the grandchild should be called Hieronymous, if a boy, or Hepzibah, if a girl. You could also suggest that you should be addressed as the Grand Matriarch. As a present, how about a manor house or a title?

Silly woman – not her business.

Calendargirl Thu 24-Dec-20 07:24:34

Has she any grandchildren of her own?

If not, sounds like she is planning to ‘share’ yours.

If she has, why does she need to be so interested in yours?

OceanMama Thu 24-Dec-20 07:41:55

I'm unclear whether you mean she wants to share your experience by talking about it with you, or whether she actually has contact with your child and their partner who are the parents of this baby. If she has contact with the parents I'd be careful of how they are experiencing her enthusiasm so it doesn't affect your own relationship with them.

lemsip Thu 24-Dec-20 07:51:59

she is obviously not your friend then, just a person you know!
don't allow her to make you feel awkward!

NotSpaghetti Thu 24-Dec-20 10:22:20

I think you are doing the right thing and you are being the "good friend" you want to be.

She probably dispenses advice to everyone (as someone said earlier) so don't take it personally!

Congratulations on the new addition to your family.

Kamiso Thu 24-Dec-20 10:30:04

It sounds as if she has been a very good friend to you when needed. Perhaps she is trying to keep her spirits up by focusing on a truly positive event.


grandtanteJE65 Thu 24-Dec-20 10:32:22


If this friend is unlikely to see the new baby and her parents I would just let her chatter go in one ear and out of the other.

However, if she is likely to be seeing the new parents, you need to be frank with her, and ask her to keep all her good advice to herself, as it is the last thing young parents want or are prepared to put up with these days.

Tell her that you intend only to offer advice when you are asked for it, and suggest firmly that she does the same.

Luckygirl Thu 24-Dec-20 10:34:34

want to include her in the fun - it is your son/daughter who should be choosing who is in the fun! - especially in the covid times.

Just smile and ignore.

Oldwoman70 Thu 24-Dec-20 10:34:53

I have a sister in law who is the same, she means well and thinks she is being helpful - I just smile and nod then do exactly what I was planning to do anyway.

4allweknow Thu 24-Dec-20 10:42:07

Definitely just remind her all decisions will be your GDs' parents and not yours (nor hers)to comment on. Congratulations on the arrival of your Granddaughter

GrannyAnnie2010 Thu 24-Dec-20 10:46:33

It comes with the territory.

Alexa Thu 24-Dec-20 10:54:58

There are rules for conversations.One of these is each participant takes their turn of listening.

I'd have thought it friendly to take an interest in what so obviously interests you now you are a grandmother.No need to be offended. She is allowed her opinions on this topic, don't you think?

I hope your friend also listens to what you have to say, turn and turn about. If not, ask she hears your opinions and expressions of your feelings.