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DIL parents live with my son/DIL-I feel left out

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sally007 Thu 24-Dec-20 02:36:50

My DIL parents decided to start a new business 5 years ago and after 6 months figured out that they didn't have enough money! They asked to live with my son and DIL and have now been living with them for 4 years! THe DIL dad has a good job but they still don't move out. Since the DIL parents started living with my son and DIL, I feel so left out of events and I feel so hurt that I don't want to see the DIL parents because they take advantage of my son. They don't pay rent, they never cook dinner and my son has hired a maid cause they never clean! My son says he has no choice since they are fiscally irresponsible and they are family. The DIL parents are always around and I don't get time alone with my sons family. THe DIL parents are like parasites and I worry that my son will be paying for their retirement and medical care too. (My son cannot afford it). I go to great lengths to babysit and help out but I can't be the grandma i want to be while they live there. Ex; I love to make them dinner, but then I have to cook for the DIL parents too. I'd also like to spend the night and see the GC to bed etc. I do not believe in enabling people and that's what my son is doing. I'm jealous of my DIL parents because they see my GC everyday and get free rent, dinner made every night, even a maid! I hate this feeling of jealousy. I am fiscally responsible and work hard so why do the irresponsible people get the free ride? I want to be able to go to my sons house and not see the other grandparents because they upset me so. (there's alot more to be upset about but...) I know alot of the forum advice says just be happy with what time you get with your GC but this situation is sooo lopsided that it makes me angry and sad. the DIL parents have almost destroyed my relationship with my son.

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Hithere Thu 24-Dec-20 03:36:33

Your son and dil choose to live with her parents, who are clear moochers.

Is it right? No, but there is nothing you can do

"I go to great lengths to babysit and help out but I can't be the grandma i want to be while they live there. Ex; I love to make them dinner, but then I have to cook for the DIL parents too. I'd also like to spend the night and see the GC to bed etc."
Does your grandma role match your son's and dil's expectations of what a grandmother should do?

Re: spend the night - how far is your son's home from yours?

Wanting to spend the night to see your gc to bed is a parents' role, not grandparents.

"the DIL parents have almost destroyed my relationship with my son."
No, your son has almost destroyed your relationship with you

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OceanMama Thu 24-Dec-20 03:58:32

I'm guessing your son is comfortable enough with the situation or he would put a stop to it.

If you want to see them alone, can you invite them to your home for dinner?

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vegansrock Thu 24-Dec-20 04:43:05

Invite your son over to your house occasionally?

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rafichagran Thu 24-Dec-20 05:25:18

I dont get this, you say your son hired a maid, do you mean a cleaner, or someone who is there every day waiting on the family?
I can understand you are upset but it's your son who is doing the enabling, also you say he cannot afford the maid, but he is paying for one. Its clear the family wants them there for some reason, do they do childcare?
Also you cannot blame the other Grandparents for your relationship with your son, that's between you and him.
You do come across as jealous, which I can understand, however it us not an attractive quality. Please leave well alone and enjoy what you do have, because if you dont you are stiring up heartache for yourself.

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BlueBelle Thu 24-Dec-20 06:29:47

This seems a very strange story who owns the house they all live in?
How can your son hire a ‘maid’ he cannot afford ?
Is your daughter in law working why can’t she clean and feed the family ?
I m guessing this story isn’t in the U.K. ? Or is it!
What age are the children can they come to you for a weekend or a night ?
Is it you that hates this situation are your son and daughter in law comfortable with it, that’s the main point if they both are then you just have to put up with it, if they aren’t then they have to do something themselves

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