Gransnet forums

Grandparenting

Granddaughter is disengaged from schoolwork

(88 Posts)
tanith Fri 08-Jan-21 19:33:10

My GD 16 in 2 wks isn’t doing her online schoolwork. She’s done a couple of lessons this week but my daughter had two messages from the school to say she hadn’t logged on when she was supposed to. She won’t have her camera on she doesn’t want to be seen. She says many of her friends aren’t bothering at all, my daughters tried laying down the law and talking to her but as she’s at work so can’t be there to make sure she’s online when she should be. The school only answer email as and when they can as I’m sure they are inundated.

I don’t know how to help.

Jane10 Fri 08-Jan-21 20:46:53

That is a very difficult one tanith. What a silly girl. What does she think is going to happen? I'm sure it's a common enough problem and you can't put an old head on young shoulders etc.
Could you write a heartfelt plea as her grandmother urging her to keep up her school work as otherwise she could end up losing many life choices? She might take in something actually written down and hard to ignore. I hope so anyway. Good luck.

midgey Fri 08-Jan-21 21:40:04

You can see her point though, the exams are cancelled. I am not condoning her just having some sympathy for someone who has really had their life messed up. Good luck Tanith, I hope you can get her back on track.

tanith Fri 08-Jan-21 22:18:44

It’s not helping as her favourite subjects which are drama, art and DT all creative subjects that she loves. We have no idea how they can assess work that clearly can’t be done online nothing has been explained and I think she’s thinking what’s the point. It must the same for so many I’m sure.

trisher Fri 08-Jan-21 22:38:10

tanith poor girl it sounds as if the whole Covid thing has really got to her. I'm not sure there is much you can do. You could perhaps ask her if she would like to conact you every day to chat and offer each other support, but I wouldn't push her to do the work, leave that to her parents and the school. You could however offer her some other things, if she's into drama RADA do some short on-line courses www.rada.ac.uk/short-courses/?course_type=22&course_type=7
There are all sorts of art courses available I did a great one cutting out paper like Matisse.
Perhaps this is an opportuity for her to develop her creative abilities outside school. Just encourage her to do so, the schoolwork might follow.

Teacheranne Sat 09-Jan-21 00:27:22

My niece felt the same at the beginning of this week as she is no longer going to sit her A Levels or BTECs this year. But after I pointed out that her teachers will be submitting grades and the work she is doing now and probably up to April, will be part of that assessment, she has decided to work really hard at home to push up her end grades. I have no idea really how her teachers will evaluate her work but as I used to be a Secondary School teacher until recently, she tends to believe me!

We worked out that she has only had about two terms of teaching in the sixth form, full time until April then alternate weeks from June to December with four periods of self isolation due to other students in her classes testing positive. I’m just relieved that the decision to postpone exams has been made early and results will only be based on teacher assessments.

geekesse Sat 09-Jan-21 01:03:23

Year 11 or year 12? If Year 11, this is an urgent issue because of GCSEs. Teacher assessments require evidence. That evidence needs to be in the form of written work that the teacher has marked. If a student doesn’t do work, there’s no evidence. If the child doesn’t care about getting a low grade or failing completely, then that’s ok. But if she wants any kid of job in the future, GCSE grades of 5 or above in English and Maths are essential.

If Y12 and she’s not working, she won’t get even halfway decent A level grades if she isn’t working. She might as well quit the A Level course now and find a place at a local further ed college to study something she does want to do that isn’t academic.

welbeck Sat 09-Jan-21 01:39:37

i agree with Trisha above.
this is not the end of the world.

FannyCornforth Sat 09-Jan-21 05:42:48

Someone needs to talk to her Form Tutor or Head of Year. Don't email, phone.
You need to discuss this asap. Despite what you may think, I'm sure that they will be pleased to hear from you. Teachers want their kids to succeed, even the most feckless of teachers needs good results! You need to discuss your concerns and the best way forward for your Granddaughter.
Parental involvement and family support is one of the best indicators of good educational outcomes, so you are at an advantage already!
I wish your GD all the best.

BlueBelle Sat 09-Jan-21 07:25:03

Please don’t pressurise her I think our teens are having a dreadful time and as her subjects are all the arts which she can’t attend she will be very downspirited (I also have a granddaughter who can’t bear being seen on zoom lessons and I don’t blame her I couldn’t do that either) she is beavering away on her own though but that in itself is not good for their mental health she’s had nearly a year of sitting on her own in her bedroom most of the day
Your granddaughter will hopefully catch up but I think this is very common She’s not being bad she’s lost heart
(Just a footnote my son left school early without any further Ed and earns more than my two Uni kids put together)

Hetty58 Sat 09-Jan-21 07:38:52

tanith, it's the usual reaction. I'm sure that I would have been exactly the same at her age.

While we're in a crisis situation, trying to save lives, normal rules simply don't apply. Encouragement is good - but nagging is counterproductive.

She's unlikely to 'fall behind' when most are struggling.

She may be happier just following her own interests, as far as possible, for the time being. Perhaps you could help out with art supplies for use at home?

Lucca Sat 09-Jan-21 07:39:31

I’m going with the old “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink” thing, although a teacher myself I could not find a way to make my own child work. A bright child he did the minimum to stay of real trouble but came unstuck in sixth form as you can’t flannel your way through A levels and had to repeat.
He’s fine now and has a good job.
All you can do is try to help her gently and kindly and point out that if she gets through this year with some decent results life will certainly start to be better for her.

Madgran77 Sat 09-Jan-21 08:04:16

Ask hr why she isnt bothering and really listen to her answers. Encourage her but avoid sounding like a lecture. . Talk about the point of doing it because of assessments. Acknowledge her anxiety, depression, misery as valid and then talk about what she could do to help with that. Focus less on exams and schoolwork and more on longer term options when things are better....help her to see a light at the end of tge tunnel. Help her to think if small and bigger solutions to the problem, problem solve together.

Tge worst thing to do would be to go in heavy handed about doing online work. This applies mainly to her parents and to then to you as another listening ear

Ellianne Sat 09-Jan-21 08:38:54

How I wish all you GNs had been around to give me such good advice when I encountered the same attitude all those years ago! Nothing worked: scolding, encouraging, bribing, persuading, it was exhausting trying every tactic. The exam results were awful. And how much harder it must be this year for pupils!
All I can say is that that thoroughly naughty, stubborn, uncaring child is now the best mother ever to her own children, and that's all that really matters.
To the person above who implied she won't get a half decent job, this is not true in this day and age tanith. Many artists and creative people have made their fortunes in life by going down alternative routes.
The thing for you to do as a grandmother is to keep the channels of communication open. Talk with her about things she enjoys. She will be fine.

Lucca Sat 09-Jan-21 09:01:03

Yes ellianne it’s wrong to say she won’t get a job, apart from anything else if and when this is all over she will be among many having another go at qualifications .

“ Nothing worked: scolding, encouraging, bribing, persuading, it was exhausting trying every tactic”. Been there done that got several tee shirts !

tanith Sat 09-Jan-21 09:04:55

thank you for your understanding and kind words, I know in my heart this lovely artistic kind child will find her way in the world she wants to be creative and comes up with new ideas all the time but her Mum was panicking at getting all these texts from school. I will do as some of you suggest and keep talking without pressure thank you for the advice.

Iam64 Sat 09-Jan-21 09:10:32

tanith, there's good advice here from Trisha, Hetty, Lucca and others. It must be so hard for her age group, isolated from friends, unable to hang out in bedrooms or street corners chatting about everything.
Creative, artistic children usually find their way into interesting work in the fullness of time. The last thing she needs right now is pressure from anyone. Keep channels of communication open with her and with her parents. They're probably worrying x

trisher Sat 09-Jan-21 10:22:46

Just wondering I suppose everyone has checked that she is comfortable with using the technology? Sometimes clever artistic children manage well as long as things proceed along the usual lines, but if they have a problem (like dyslexia) it comes to the surface when they are faced with something different and rather than ask for help they refuse to work.

tanith Sat 09-Jan-21 10:41:25

trisher she has been diagnosed as mildly dyslexic and had help in class, extra time and was given a laptop to complete work on when things were normal, she has no problems with technology and manages to keep up with friends on phone and online forums. I'm sure teachers have enough of a job with providing the online learning and now she doesn't get her 'help' its more of a struggle to complete work so gives up. I can't help as someone needs should be beside her explaining what's expected but of course that's not happening now and I am shielding Mum works when lessons are on and Dad doesn't live with with them. Circumstances are against her but she'll survive as hopefully we all will.

trisher Sat 09-Jan-21 10:57:19

taniththanks. In view of what is happening I think the teachers should be prepared to accept work from her in different formats. Many people think dyslexia just affects spelling, it gives problems in organisation, and other areas and change can cause huge problems. Your GD may just be really stressed. If she is permitted to do voice recordings, videos, visual presentations or other things she may feel better. Can she get recordings of the lessons which she can access in her own time? It often takes longer for dyslexics to understand things.
My DS is severely dyslexic- rejected school at 14 but now has an MA. It's only as he has got older that we have really been able to talk about how it really caused many problems in his life and how it takes much longer for him to absorb some information. It does have some benefits as well and he is an amazingly creative person. I'm sure your GD is the same. Good luck

growstuff Sat 09-Jan-21 11:00:36

I agree with Teacheranne and geekesse. The cancellation of public exams makes it more important than ever that she impresses her teachers and goes along with what they ask her to do. It could very well be that some pupils return to school before the deadline for submission of teacher assessed grades and she will be expected to demonstrate what she's done. More than ever, this is a testing time for personal skills such as organisation, resilience and self-motivation.

Ask the school to email the work to the mother, who could possibly get involved with it herself.

PS. There shouldn't be a problem with her not wanting to turn her video on. I have an online tutee who doesn't like using video, so we just use the audio and we share work real time in Google Docs and Zoom.

growstuff Sat 09-Jan-21 11:02:35

PS. Did she have TA support in the classroom? It might be possible for a TA to take her under her wing and mentor her regularly.

FannyCornforth Sat 09-Jan-21 11:14:44

growstuff

PS. Did she have TA support in the classroom? It might be possible for a TA to take her under her wing and mentor her regularly.

OP has mentioned that GD gets 'help'
which I assumed meant an LSA (learning support assistant) is with her in some classes.
Those classes are more likely to be English and humanities due to the literacy content.
During lockdown it is usual practice for LSAs to have a list of students to contact.
As I said in my earlier post, the best way to help the girl is to contact the school. Either her Form Tutor, her HOY or the SENDCo.
School staff will be tearing their hair out at the current level of disengagement - they will be pleased to hear from a concerned family member who is willing to help a struggling student.

Ellianne Sat 09-Jan-21 11:28:49

The cancellation of public exams makes it more important than ever that she impresses her teachers and goes along with what they ask her to do.
My experience is mainly with teaching younger ones who are all like cute puppies and love to impress! When it comes to secondary exams growstuff could there possibly be an opening for sucking up to teachers at this stage to ensure higher assessment grades?

Cabbie21 Sat 09-Jan-21 11:30:38

I have to disagree with some of the comments. First, it will be almost impossible to speak on the phone with the Head of Year, who will be busy, possibly working from home, and not able to discuss a pupil with anyone other than the parents.

I do understand your concern, as I have a grandson in the same situation. He is in Year 11 and has done very little work. He is very bright and thought he could swing it in the exams. Now he has very little time left to impress his teachers and produce quality work which might just lift his grades. He risks not doing well enough to be accepted on A level courses. I don’t know what the answer is. When I have talked to him( and I warned him at the first lockdown that there was no certainty about his exams and it was important that he complete all his assessments), he made all the right noises but did nothing to follow it up. His parents have given up.
I don’t think it is right to say don’t pressurise the students, they need to keep up. I agree that there are various ways and means of support, but the girl needs to be willing to engage with them.