My Grandson does NOT love me

My dad struggled a bit with my daughter getting older and not wanting the cuddles as much as she did when she was little (she’s nine now). I did have to gently remind him that if she doesn’t want a cuddle, he needs to respect that. And I had a casual chat with her about how it must be sad for him when she’s always been so cuddly, whilst also reminding her that if she doesn’t want a cuddle that is OK. The cuddles are few and far between nowadays but she does love her grandparents. In fact, just a short time ago she was saying to me how lucky she was to have grandparents who love and spoil her so much. Strange really as my parents were never huggers when we were children!!

Hi Fairyamma
Just to let you know my little one year old grandson does the same thing and sometimes only wants me which I also find embarrassing. It’s complicated because it is very embarrassing but it is naturally a lovely feeling to have such a close bond. However, I am aware that this won’t always be the case and quite rightly so too. I think some of the previous comments are a little harsh but have to agree on some level. He is asserting himself and becoming a little person with a mind of his own and knows how he does and doesn’t want to be treated. I understand it might be difficult to be told by a six year old ‘you heard me’ but might he not just be repeating what may have been said to him by his parent or sibling?
I agree, just give him some space and let the relationship develop on his terms and he will come back to you. Personally I feel that a lot of us have become overly sensitive as a result of this lockdown and have time to dwell on things that may not have bothered us before. Good luck!

One of my granddaughters went through a phase of saying she only hugged men but would allow me to do a high-five with her. She had just started returning to giving hugs when covid struck. We have not see her for a year so hope she is still allowing hugs when we finally get together.

Perhaps its something he has learnt at home...is there something going on?

I’m sure he loves you, this covid restrictions hasn’t been easy for my 3 year old grandson to understand. He’s 4 soon and I’ve noticed he doesn’t want cuddles, part of growing up

It does seem to be a change in behaviour your describing here. What does your son or daughter say about this? It's been a tough year with covid but is there anyone else new on the scene? He is only 6 and whilst he doesn't want cuddled at the school gate usually gran would give a hug without a problem at home

Oh fairyamma, how sad for you and all you want to do is show him how much you love him ... I think a lot of the responses are very harsh .Just give him time they all go through these stages ... Don’t be sad I’m sure all will be well shortly .

I will add to my earlier comment...two of my grandchildren...5 and 9 open their arms for an air hug as they know we can't do a proper hug. Children are very aware that we must keep our distance x

Please try and think that there may be a positive side of this - that he is, for whatever reason, moving on from the sort of relationship that he had with you in the past to a new sort of relationship - it will be different, but might be good in its own way.

It is like when our children become adults - there is a sticky patch for a while and then everything shakes down into a new way of relating that brings its own rewards.

Give him space.

Space and autonomy are so important to kids.

I wouldn’t purposely ignore him as some have suggested as I feel that’s manipulative.

Just have a normal visit. He’ll choose to cuddle, or not.

Don’t be upset by this it is absolutely normal. He’s just growing us and asserting his new found independence. Just carry on as normal and don’t make a big issue out of it.Boys particularly stop wanting hugs or kisses when you meet them from school much earlier than girls particularly when their friends are around. As soon as we can though we shall be hugging our 12 year old grandson as we’ve not been able to for over a year now. He and his 8 year old sister do air hugs when we see them and she says she can’t wait to hug us again and we’ve got a feeling he feels that way too!

Gees......he is 6 yrs old people not 26. Most of you are making out he needs to be on his own and find himself etc....patting on the head is not a big deal as far as I am co concerned and being mouthy to an adult at such a young age is a big no no.

I wonder when he started getting "mouthy", as OP says this has been going on for a year.

If OP has been doing things that he clearly doesnt like and OP knew he didnt like them - it is reasonable for him to lose his patience and express himself in a more assertive way (what may be interpreted as rude)

Fairyamma... I really feel for you. This happened to me too, my grandson was super cuddley towards me then all of a sudden he blanked, it was just his way of showing his new learned independence, although rather childishly I found it more amusing that upsetting. Also could his parents have said something to put him off you in some way.? As this also could also be a valid reason especially if there is some jealousy in the amount of love he showed for you. This happened with my granddaughter by the way. So don't be put off showing your grandson effection. Soon he'll be too old for cuddles, or it won't look cool in front of his friends, as I'm often reminded by my 10 year old grandson. Whatever the reason, its not your fault, just go with the flow or it will become an uncomfortable issue and give rise to conflict by all involved in your grandsons life. How can cuddles ever be wrong from a loving grandparent.

Welbec it is a genuine question. She's just upset because she feels she's lost the affection of her grandson.. She obviously loves him very much. It's not her fault, her grandchild is just flexing his independence muscles.

yet she hasn't felt like responding to any of all these posts...

bettyuno

Gees......he is 6 yrs old people not 26. Most of you are making out he needs to be on his own and find himself etc....patting on the head is not a big deal as far as I am co concerned and being mouthy to an adult at such a young age is a big no no.

You might have enjoyed being patted like a pet.

Many of us did not.

Why are so many blaming his parents?

It’s normal for children to cuddle less as they age!

some don't seem to recognise the rights of a child to decide whether he/she wishes to be touched or not.
which is concerning.

Welbec.... don't be so judgemental. Maybe that's why she's not responded to the posts , I wouldn't either if the information given was so negative . She's upset that's all.

Yes, she is upset as she is not shown love the way she wants it

Very yabu

The thing about love is, sometimes we give what we hope to recieve.In any one sided relationship it's best to take a big step backwards and assess the relationship.

Children today are words like "resilient" and have boundaries and know their rights, like many of us never did as kids. They are taught from Pre School to manage their emotions and to say if they are uncomfortable with something. It's very hard if that thing is you, OP

I would try to modify your behaviours in line with children of today and try not to take it personally. Would you rather your GC said nothing and suffered something they were unhappy with? Or would you rather they had the honesty and resilience to talk about it. It's hard, but the best way to build a two way relationship is to listen and be prepared to change.
I would talk to their parent, as well so any rudeness is not tolerated and

Hithere

Naughtynanny
Why do you say body autonomy is for the parents?

I do it for my kids, so they know nobody can touch them without their permission.
Even their doctors ask for permission.

What you teach a kid while growing up will stay with them the rest of their lives.
If you tell a kid he/she has to be touched/hugged/ tickled even if they dont want it, it puts them at risk of sexual abuse, physical abuse, etc., because they were taught to never say no.

I absolutely agree with you on this. I meant that the parents are teaching this ethos to their child, and rightly so, but it may the reason the Grandson in the OP is behaving as he is towards his Granny.

It does sound as if an adult has said some of the things he has repeated to you. 'You heard me' is the sort of thing a parent might say if the child has been questioning an instruction to put his toys away (for example). A parent who is trying to get on with a task might well tell him, 'You're annoying me'. Has one of his parents been working from home, and finding that a child interrupts his/her work? In such a scenario he could be feeling that he has to maintain a distance from adults.
Don't let his attitude disturb you. All children go through phases - didn't we all?

I can remember my son when he started to 'pull away'. It's a normal part of growing up but I understand you feel hurt. Step back, let him come to you. Let him know that you will always be there for him but let him initiate the cuddles and touching. He will wonder why you aren't coming to him and will test the situation. Just continue loving him and occasionally ask if you can have a cuddle, if the answer is no then wrap you arms around yourself and say you'll just cuddle yourself. Don't let him see you're sad and accept that little boy is a young man now trying to understand all the changes he's going through