DH says no to caring for grandchild

I helped out with our twin granddaughters for over two years for a couple of days a week.
We had retired so my husband would join me in the afternoons. I stopped helping on a regular basis so now it’s only very occasional.
My husband would never dictate what I should do unless concerned about my health.
It’s an old fashioned attitude for a partner to tell you how you should spend your time. It sounds very bossy and I for one would not put up with it.

If you’re the one providing the care, why does it bother him? Is it that he doesn’t want the children at your home? Will he be jealous of the babies stealing your attention from him?

You help as much as you feel you want to they are gone in a flash I would love to have the opportunity to go back to looking after my grandkids however tiring it was
If your husband is still out at work what does he think you do all day it’s up to you not him

Thank you all for your input!

Sorry, my original post should have been a bit more clear, it would be 1 or 2 days a week.

My little granddaughter is due in July.

Yes, a lot of you are correct, he is used to me being home all the time, other than helping my elderly parents.

I know it is a control issue, he just wants me to have no other commitments than to him and our home.

I know it will be a massive help financially to my daughter, but as her dad has told her for years we would not provide childcare for future children, she has told me not to push it with him.

I however, fully intend to. Its just knowing how to tell him it will be something I want to do.

Thanks again for all your comments, it does give me more clarity.

It sounds as if you will have a lovely time Babushka. Lucky you!

I would tell him you quite understand that he doesn't want to help out, but that you can't wait to spend time with your wonderful grandchild.

What a lovely opportunity! All those cuddles.

Given your update, you have a right to live your life.

He is not your employer, but your dh

If he isn’t going to be involved, what’s it got to do with him anyway? Sorry, but I can’t understand why some women let their partners walk all over them.

I love looking after my grandchildren. It is special and different to bringing up your own children as you don't have responsibility for everything and have a lot of fun. It also keeps you fit! What does he expect you to do all day? He doesn't sound very nice saying things like that to his own children!

maybe he has seen other GPs taken advantage of esp GMs, and doesn't want you to get worn out, and not be able to take off on days out when whether and regs permit.
he has seen you tied down with childcare, and feels now is the time for both of you to enjoy some freedom, while you still can together.
has your DD actually asked you to do this, and when would it start. most mothers want sole care until at least 6 months.

Well since your second post my question has to be do you always do what your husband tells you to do He cannot control you unless you let him has it always been like this
You want to look after your grandchild your daughter wants you to that’s all there is to it
Enjoy it the times goes like a rocket

I don’t really blame him. It can be very tying and stressful. Not everyone wants to look after small children in their house.

Can you go to their house and look after your grandchild? 1 or 2 days a week will often end up being more as well. He has a right to say no!

I agree with other posters who say he shouldn't dictate to you in this way.

If you were thinking of caring for the grandchild full-time, I do acknowledge that there is more to discuss.

So her dad has told her for years we will not provide childcare for future children, he said we, but it’s you isn’t it! Personally I wouldn’t be told what to do by my DH, especially as it’s 1/2 days a week, you sound as if you want to do it so I would OP, hope it goes well for you, x

He might be being "protective" & concerned you will get too tired?
He might be concerned that he will get "pulled" into sharing the care with you which he might not enjoy?
The only thing is, if you do get very weary or stressed by childcare, I doubt he will have much sympathy. He might think ..."I told you so!?"
Brace yourself .....

Only YOU know how far you can push against express wishes of your husband. Any such decision of committing time on a regular one to two days a week to a g.child, needs to be taken jointly - even if you will be the one doing the caring,

I quite understand his comments about time of child raising is past, and he may have concerns about the house as the g.child goes from beyond the baby phase into crawling infant one.

It is not for any of us to decide this for you - it must be something you discuss with care with each other.

If my husband said no with a good reason I wouldn’t push ahead to do it. Is it so important to you to do this that you’d fall out with your husband over it?

Sound to me as though your husband is terribly possessive. I simply couldn't handle that. Good luck with your GC. I find both of mine quite wonderful and enjoy every minute spent in their company.

Rosalyn69

If my husband said no with a good reason I wouldn’t push ahead to do it. Is it so important to you to do this that you’d fall out with your husband over it?

There isn’t a good reason. It sounds as tho Mr B thinks he can dictate to his wife and daughter. The question is, why is it so important to him that he’d fall out with his wife and daughter about it.
Yes caring for grandchildren is tiring, it’s also joyous. The only thing id suggest needs considering is, do you have other children? We went from caring for one grandchild to 4,over a period of 2 1/2 years as both our daughters had two children in quick succession. I couldn’t have done that without Mr i being as besotted as I

I was never 'besotted' with any of my g.children, not even the one I had so much to do with in bringing up as her Mum was a single parent. Loved them - Yes, but besotted, never!!! In my mind none of them are or ever will be as wonderful in every way as my own children.

If you are doing the looking after, I can't see that it's anything to do with your husband. Why not just do one day a week and see how it goes?

i agree with Franbern and Rosalyn.

Why not give it a go and see how it works out. Children's needs change and she'll be able to go to nursery when she's three so if your daughter has a fair time of maternity leave you will only be needed for around 2 years (I did 6). And it is lots of fun. You'll build up a good relationship with your granddaughter that will hopefully last a life time.

As for your husband, he may never notice anything different except that his wife is happy and fulfilled - and has lots of lovely stories to tell if ever he wants to listen.

People have mentioned have mentioned how your other children might expect the same help. This is true but they ought to be sensitive enough to realise you are getting older and will not be able to give childcare for ever. Which is one good reason to do it now while you have the chance and feel you have the stamina.

My third grandson is due is only a few weeks but I've made it clear to my DS that I will not be able to do for him what I have done for his sister's children, much as i would love to - anno domini does eventually take it's toll.

Good luck