Calling SS on Tuesday

I hope you didn't end up calling.
1. Not your children
2. They're only 7.
3. Unschooling is legal.
4. Unschooling doesn't mean no education. They are learning things. Its just what they're interested in at the moment and in a way that's comfortable. ( no shoes maybe, more hands on, less sitting at a desk).

I unschooled. We went to the park once a week, a museum/zoo/etc once a month. I took DS to the store with me to help pick out food, learning how much money each thing costs, cooking at home with me. He did swimming lessons, soccer lessons and others longer than his friends who only could in the summer. He was way more interested and focused on his day if he slept as long as needed. The list of benefits goes on. Like I said, they're still learning. They're just not sitting in a desk to do it.

Sadly OP s rarely come back and tell us what happened.

Although this an old thread, it would be nice to know what happened.
My grandaughter was a "failed" home schooler when she was out of formal education for over a year. For all the little "formal education" she had experienced in her time out, she went back to school streets ahead with very few gaps. The tragedy was my daughter had actually asked her daughter's old school if she could liaise with them as the reason she removed her daughter was that they were moving and the local school could not take her. The school would not cooperate so my daughter was left to her own devices.

I would love to know the outcome... and actually hope it's positive for everyone - but especially for the children.

Do come back Grannypie and let us know. I do hope you all are feeling more settled.

oops just noticed the above posts re date.

Granypie, both parents are responsible for bringing up their children. Whether separated or not, they will still need to discuss and agree on many issues, including education.

I am a bit concerned about how your DIL is being treated in this.

You say that your son is very ashamed that he has "allowed" this to happen, and you have said that your DIL must be "made" to put them into school. What actions would your Son have taken if he had not "allowed" this to happen? What actions are you intending to "make" your DIL put the children in school?

You also make reference to your DIL breaking the law by failing to send the children to school, but don't seem to recognise that if that is the case, then your son must be equally culpable? So if you report your DIL, your son will probably also be interviewed by Social Services to ascertain what part of his responsibilities as the childrens father he has taken on this. I don't think SS will be particularly impressed to learn if it is the case that he has taken no responsbility for 7 years.

Others here have pointed out that you should not contact Social Services and that it is the responsibility of the parents to bring up their children. I would respectfully suggest that instead of calling in Social Services you have a long think about how you can best support both parents, which in turn should help the children thrive.

And both you and your Son should treat your DIL with a bit more respect than can be seen from your posts here.

I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but you can't possibly know what has taken place within their marriage or what discussions have taken place about educating the children, but it does sound as though your DIL has been left to get on with it, and is now a single parent who will be needing more support rather than less.

If she did ring them, that was over a year ago.
Isn’t the question academic now?

MawtheMerrier

Zombie thread- 2021!

And? It’s a forum, I had a question, I posted… if the op doesn’t answer it’s fine, I won’t lose sleep over it.

Zombie thread- 2021!

If you do ring ss, there’s always the chance they could get put into care. What will you think then?

Reported

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Minerva, you are what some of the younger members of my family would refer to as ‘goals’.

Just In case anyone is still around, thank you for kind responses to my comment.
I asked my grandson if he is really happy to be back at school and he beamed and said, can you see it in my face? But Nanny I’m cross with you. We are only just starting fractions and I know about those already and it’s a bit boring”. So cutting up cakes and pizzas, partitioning the vegetable beds, deciding how much of a packet of seeds to use in one season, checking what we needed for the supermarket delivery and so on has put him way ahead of his peers in maths without a worksheet in sight. That’s unschooling for you. As for the OP’s ‘testing’ of these 7 year olds who she has rarely seen, in those circumstances the average 7 year old would clam up. And have you looked at the National Curriculum lately? I reckoned just talking to my grandson for an hour while we explored our local riverside he would learn more than during an entire day at school and I’m not exaggerating; what he did miss out on was contact with his peers, licence to act daft with friends at playtime and real puddings with his school dinner.

The nature of the complaint was that no schooling was provided, rather than homeschooling. This can begin to look to outside agencies like a care and welfare issue.

There’s a fair chance the LEA will bung this into a child protection referral to SW. SW aren’t required to keep the identity of those referring concerns anonymous.

SW might have a different view about a father who took no action to enrol the children in school - assuming he has parental rights and responsibilities, he alone could have enrolled them at any point - suddenly wanting the LEA and perhaps SW involved after he leaves the family home.

Choosing to approach the LEA alone does not ensure the issue will remain solely in the LEA’s hands, or indeed that the interests of agencies will be confined to educational attainment and school registration.

SW will also want to know why, if the father has serious concerns for the children’s welfare, he did not take them with him when he left. I must admit I have asked this question professionally of a number of non custodial parents.

The thing about involving agencies with a statutory duty to children in the lives of specific children is that from then onwards, the agencies themselves determine the extent of the input - whether that feels too much or too little - they have with those children from then on. The person reporting concerns does not remain in charge of the process once they make the decision to approach statutory authorities.

I hope the end result is in the best interest of the children and they flourish in the future.

I was fortunate to find a school (private) that would allow my child to split his attendance between school and home. On our home days we did geography, history, maths, RE, English, art, music, design, PE, biology, physics and chemistry, although to the bystander they looked rather different from the lessons he had in school. You see, our son had guitar lessons and took pottery classes, he made origami sculptures and baked, cooked, knitted, took walks, had long conversations, did some house cleaning, and washed and ironed his own clothes. These were his ‘lessons’.

Although he didn’t get as much formal ‘schooling’ as other children, he nevertheless got a brilliant education. He actually finished school with a 93% grade average and went on to attend university (he made the Dean’s List) and then got a job (there were 300 applicants) as a Graduate Engineer.

He has good friends, lots of interesting hobbies and is a thoroughly nice well-rounded young man. His siblings are equally lovely and they did all attend the local state schools.

I hope this reassures you that although an ‘alternative’ education may look as if nothing much is going on there’s often a lot of learning/education taking place.

Dylant1234

There used to be annual ‘inspections’ by education authorities of home schooled children to ensure that they were being properly cared for (and not abused) and broadly up to an acceptable level as regards reading, maths etc. Unfortunately, cuts in local services over last 15+ years means that these inspections are not being carried out and many children are under the radar. It is not acceptable for a child of 7 to be playing on a screen all day (and night!) and it looks as though an addiction may have developed. The children have a right to an education and to develop their potential. Home schooling has never meant that they are simply left entirely to their own devices. If your son is now concerned that he has been neglectful, it is up to him to challenge his ex wife and the theories she is spouting. If not satisfied, he can apply to court for a ruling as to how the children are to be educated. This is always a route when parents disagree profoundly on important issues such as education, health, religion etc. Mediation will probably be attempted first and the court might well order an educational psychologist’s report. This all takes time but clearly the first step is for your son (not you) to challenge the other parent and express his concerns about the children and their development. Social services might become involved at some point but do not need to be the first port of call.

Excellent post.

I'm with Dylan1234, and why did this thread have to get so unpleasant? I'm really shocked by some if the post early afternoon, I've never seen poster's family members abused in this way.

I’m wondering if some recent posters have actually read the whole thread?

There used to be annual ‘inspections’ by education authorities of home schooled children to ensure that they were being properly cared for (and not abused) and broadly up to an acceptable level as regards reading, maths etc. Unfortunately, cuts in local services over last 15+ years means that these inspections are not being carried out and many children are under the radar. It is not acceptable for a child of 7 to be playing on a screen all day (and night!) and it looks as though an addiction may have developed. The children have a right to an education and to develop their potential. Home schooling has never meant that they are simply left entirely to their own devices. If your son is now concerned that he has been neglectful, it is up to him to challenge his ex wife and the theories she is spouting. If not satisfied, he can apply to court for a ruling as to how the children are to be educated. This is always a route when parents disagree profoundly on important issues such as education, health, religion etc. Mediation will probably be attempted first and the court might well order an educational psychologist’s report. This all takes time but clearly the first step is for your son (not you) to challenge the other parent and express his concerns about the children and their development. Social services might become involved at some point but do not need to be the first port of call.

How lovely Minerva what a joyful time for you and your grandson. Life is learning, baking a cake is reading, measuring, combining, not everything comes to us in a classroom.

Lovely post, Minerva.

It just should be illegal, and then OP would not find herself in this dilemma.

I worry about how those children will react later- when they find they just cannot study for what they want to do and find they have years of catching up to do if they want to get access to Higher Ed.

Minerva, that is so lovely.

What a warm and loving post Minerva
So nice to hear such positivity.

As he said:
?????