DD and SiL are very happy new parents. DD is taking 12 months maternity leave before returning to work full time. We have discussed child care and I happily agreed to look after Baby 2 days a week. I had assumed that I would help out 2 days per week from the beginning, but in the early months I settled into a routine of going round one day per week and I was very happy with this routine. I am not great with very young babies so tended to help with chores , cook a meal and generally keep DD company. DD adores Baby, spends all her time feeding and playing with him.and he doesn't seem to sleep much. A few weeks ago, I was quite surprised when DD suggested that I don't come over regularly every week anymore but just see them "whenever". However I was happy to hear that she was planning to get out more, go to mother and baby things and meet up with friends.
Over the past year I have been building up a very small home based sewing business. I was planning to do this alongside the childcare duties. However, business has been building up nicely and since DD didn't seem to need me as much right now, I have taken on lots of sewing work and I now have a full diary with enough work to fill all my time.
Three days ago, I got a message from SiL telling me that DD has hurt her back and asking if I was able to go over and help. I felt very bad saying that I couldn't as I had clients booked in that morning and had a medical appointment in the afternoon. I offered to go round after my appointment but they did not answer. I worried all night about DD but was relieved to get a message in the morning saying that DDs back seemed a bit better. The following afternoon (which was yesterday) I received messages from DD and SiL asking if I could go and help as DD was in a lot of pain and was struggling. She said she has been told by the doctor to avoid all lifting, twisting etc. I told them I was happy to go over and help, but would have to take sewing machine and do some sewing whilst there. I got on with rescheduling two clients who had appointments for the day. I then received a message from SiL asking if I had lots of work planned. I explained that I am fully booked for the next few weeks but after that I would be more free. SiL replied that they would probably have to pay to get someone in to help DD until she returns to work in 7 months, but maybe if I came to help they could give me some money as they "don't want you to worry about money" . To be honest the sewing business isn't all about money, it doesn't pay well, but I enjoy the work and I feel it is my own little project. I have spent over a year building a client base and a reputation and I don't want to throw it away. I also feel very unsuited to 100% child care. I would be embarrassed to take money from them and anyway SiL is very scatty and would probably forget.
I recognise that this is an emergency, but I currently have 3 bags of school uniform waiting to be labelled, a jacket to alter and a bridesmaid waiting for a bespoke dress.
I really don't know what to do. I am utterly torn between DD who needs me to do something I don't feel very capable of doing and my clients to whom I have made promises and taken on work.
Am I a bad Mother?
What would you do?
Thanks Cafe au lait, all very good points. I think the problem is/was the sudden change in support needs which took me by surprise with unfortunate timing. I think I will be OK with 1 or 2 days child care per week, especially when little one is a bit older
UPDATE: thanks so much everyone for your kind and helpful comments. I read them and took them on board. So I rescheduled two clients due today and spent the whole day with DD and GC. I had a serious talk with SiL and DD making all the points above. I took the most urgent sewing jobs to their house with me (together with my most portable machine) and was able to complete these whilst doing all lifting of Baby, manoeuvring of equipment etc. SiL has asked his sister (a nursery nurse) to help tomorrow and will manage to stay home or get help next week on the three days when I cannot be there. I have put off one non urgent client to free up some time next week. DD reckons she is likely to be better in a few weeks and they are booked for a "staycation" first two weeks of August which gives her some relaxed time with SiL. I got her to.book an appointment with the osteopath. All in all a very successful day and of course it was an absolute pleasure to spend time with my very precious GC and my very dear D! Thanks to all of you for calming my panic and helping me to clarify the situation.
I would just say I will help when I can but I can’t do as much with my work load. I can’t help as much has you would like. Oh by the way you mum not super mum. You don’t say if son inlaw family are helping.
Glad to hear that you have managed the crisis between the three of you, and glad that you are able to maintain your business as well.
What amazes me on here is that you all have brought up families, made decisions for years and then spend days and nights worrying about things like this situation. Surely you can all sit down and discuss it putting your point of view! You have a life too and I do not believe grandparents should not be at the beck and call of their 'children'. I do despair on this site sometimes. I have not been on here for weeks as I was mulling over leaving. I think I will now. It is so logical that all you have to do is to explain that your business is doing relatively well and you need time to continue it. After all they did ask you to stop going at one stage.
These cases over gradchildren are emotional blackmail.
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join the discussion, watch threads and lots more.
Register now »Already registered? Log in with:
Gransnet »Get our top conversations, latest advice, fantastic competitions, and more, straight to your inbox. Sign up to our daily newsletter here.
