Too much choice for the grandchildren?

It's not new . This asking small children what they prefer has been creeping in for many years.
"Would you rather?" (as in John Burningham's wonderful picture book)

I think it puts too much pressure on children. How are they expected to know what we adults know?

However, we have all had to adapt. I can no longer say "would you like a smack?"
Last night DGS, now a teenager, came to dinner with his parents. I asked in advance if he ate curry and if not what would he like. His favourite foods are rocket, parmesan cheese and balsamic vinegar.
I provided that. It was delicious and a great accompaniment for the curry.
.

I brought my 4 children up on a smallholding in france in 90's onwards. No choice,ever.
Today 2 are vegetarian and the other 2 semi vegetarian.
As children they learnt that something had to die if they wanted meat on their plates. They are now passing this on to their offspring
.Job well done!

A couple of dinner choices are fine, but you have to be careful you don’t end up running a restaurant if there is more than one child! My DD has 3 DS and if asked they would all pick totally different options.?

I tell my grandchildren that when I was a child I had 2 choices every dinner time.. take it or leave it ?

MissAdventure

Glad to have cheered you, Calli

?
Thank you

'What would you like for dinner?'
'Spaghetti bolognaise with garlic bread please'

'Oh dear, I've run out of spaghetti and we've no garlic bread'

A 2 or 3 year old might have a tantrum, a 9 year old might shrug and say 'that's ok, anything you cook is lovely'.

Glad to have cheered you, Calli

MissAdventure

I always gave choices.
"Be quiet, or go to bed"
"Eat it, or go without".
That kind of thing.

I did enjoy that post MissAdventure!
It cheered me up no end before I went to bed and I certainly needed it.

???

And this:
I do think children can be given too much choice.
It's easier to say "it's cold out, so do you want to wear your red trousers or the blue ones?"

Yes, those are the best tactics, the child thinks it has some autonomy but in fact it's limited.

I agree with MissAdventure in that a limited, age appropriate choice is best. Too much choice and squabbles break out because they all want something different. Too little choice, or no choice at all and there's usually a sulk because that's not what any of them wanted. Choice of 2 and that's it.

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/joyful-parenting/201602/5-guidelines-giving-kids-choices

I disagree, hithere, as does 'psychology today'.
Whatever works for you, though.

My grandson responds well to a choice (the blue socks or the red socks?). He's hilarious when he verbally thinks about it, 'Ummmm. Ummmmm.' It does defuse the not wanting to put his socks on argument. His mum does the count to three if he still doesn't cooperate. I just put him on my lap and wrestle the socks on.

Misadventure,

Not at all.
I ask my kids: what do you want for dinner? And they know very well the answer.

The choices need to be age appropriate.
In other words, give a small child too many, and it overwhelms them.

They are parenting their way, as you did your own different way

No, kids deserve to have choices in what they eat, do, dress, etc
They have their own personalities and tastes, help with being assertive and know who they are

Kids are not puppets, they are people

It’s not so much my grandchildren’s parents that are guilty of this but their Grandfather.
When he asks them what they want to eat it’s almost as if they are presented with a restaurant menu.
The joke is they nearly always stump for carbonara.

Are you sure this is what is making your DIL stressed?

You need to offer some choice because it will help to avoid a flat out "NO" and the ensuing arguments. "Put your shoes on" instantly invites a "No" Would you like to wear your shoes or your trainers ?" means they will hopefully agree to one or the other. The same with clothes and food. "Would you like sausages or fish fingers?" is easier than just saying "what would you like to eat?" It's finding a balance between too little choice and too much.

Then you end up eyeing up everyone else's dinner, wishing you had chosen what they're having.

Now my grandchildren are 6 they get more grown up choices such as ‘it’s wet outside, I suggest you wear wellies otherwise your feet will get wet. If you decide not to we are not coming home to change”.

It generally only takes one lived experience and very wet and cold feet to get one of the twins, who always knows best to take note for next time. It’s so useful to say “do you remember last time …….”

I think too many choices can be confusing for children. A bit like too many things to choose from in a restaurant. You end up not fancying any of it.

Parenting has indeed changed . Children are given choices and IMO it happens too much . Nothing wrong with giving children options - occasionally! However many children are overwhelmed with the pressure of making decisions . Would they like this , this or this for tea !? Would they like wear to this or this . Children often feel safer having decisions made for them . Of course children do appreciate having the opportunity to make their own choices but this should be a privilege not a right . Old fashioned I know but I do think many parents are of the opinion that to consistently give their children a choice they are showing respect for their children. I feel the present generation of parents are forgetting that children are not mini adults!

MissAdventure

I do think children can be given too much choice.
It's easier to say "it's cold out, so do you want to wear your red trousers or the blue ones?"

MissAdventure
I still do that with my grandchildren, works wonders.

I always gave choices.
"Be quiet, or go to bed"
"Eat it, or go without".
That kind of thing.