A month in - adjusting !

* frustration at seeing things done not how I'd do them !*

Already ? Dear me.
I don’t know why but I get the impression being a “Nana” may be assuming too much importance fir you. Relax.

I don’t remember any of those thoughts except are mum and baby ok and how can I help !
I always presumed I was an overthinker but maybe I m not at all

Agree Lucca why do so many grandparents become so overinvested in grandchildren nowadays.

How would they have felt if their parents behaved like this to them - I am sure they would not have been pleased.

And no I didn’t ‘adjust’ to anything as far as I was concerned it was a beautiful, welcome, happy and very normal addition to everyone’s life
And by gum there’s been glorious and worrying ups and downs along the way now they are all in their late teens/ twenties

My first grandchild is now 17! Dad is my son. I never offered advice unless asked for it. Just loved being with them whenever I could.

Don't overthink, just enjoy being with your baby granddaughter. They are not babies for long!

lizzy60
You don’t have to know how to act, how to feel just be
Of course your daughter in law will do things differently but don’t you see/hear/ read stuff everyday that you disagree with?
I do but you just have to accept that we’re all different.

I agree being a paternal GM must make a huge difference. However as the maternal GM to 5 GC from two daughters) I wish to reassure you Lizzie that I have realized that each generation parents differently .I too have had to bite my tongue on many occasions! My daughters have and still do things differently! Please don't imagine it is just paternal GM that have to take care about giving advice, we too have to be careful. New mum's have hormones all over the place and are very protective of their new borns!
Obviously daughters will turn to their own Mum's - that is providing they have a sound relationship. I am close to my daughters and endeavour to be supportive . My daughters are defensive when it comes to accepting ' advice' . Our job as grandparents is to maintain a loving relationship with new parents , they know we are there if they really do need any words if wisdom. Your son's job is to support and love his partner, and he will of course back her every time. So enjoy your delightful new GD , resist giving advice ,- just be available and remember maternal GM are in a very similar position to you!! Congratulations!!!? The most important thing to remember is that our GC are loved and secure in the care they receive.

We have one of our daughters and her three children living here, so there are bound to be times when we think something could have been handled differently.
Doesn’t mean we’re right of course, and we never criticise her parenting.
Because we all live together, we tend to discuss things more than we otherwise would, and sometimes I offer up suggestions, but she’s their mum, and she’s doing a good job.

What a coincidence.
There is Elizabeth who is struggling with being the mother of the son, (rather than of the daughter), who has just had the first granddaughter and who is feeling pushed out by the other grandmother.
Now there is Lizzy who is having to bite her tongue with frustration at seeing things done not how I'd do them because the new mother is not her own daughter. Presumably if she was she would be telling her.
Over investment?
Yes.

So agree with Shelflife . Just sit back and enjoy, always help if needed and offer advice only when asked.

Poor Lizzy. I would like to congratulate you on the birth of your new granddaughter, and thank you for sharing your lovely news, and your thoughts, with us. I am sure you will make a lovely GM, you are aware of the pitfalls. As you say, biting one's tongue goes with the territory, enjoy your little one, you just blink and they are walking and talking.

Your son and dil will do things their way as I’m sure you did when your son was born. It really isn’t for you to criticise it’s their child their rules. Just relax help when asked and don’t for heavens sake voice your opinions. Enjoy your lovely GD.

I always bear in mind how much I disliked interference from my mother in law, my parents didn’t interfere as much, but that was probably because they weren’t overly interested.
Just sit back and enjoy the baby, they’ll make mistakes, we all do, but you’re job isn’t to point them out.

Why has everyone picked up on the 'things being done .....' part of the post and jumped right in with the criticism? Poor Lizzy had only pointed out a very frequent feeling we all have.
I think you've started well Lizzy, refrain from any helpful suggestions, be lavish with praise and accept all the new modern methods of baby-care without comment, however bizarre they may seem, and you'll be fine.
Enjoy your new addition to your family, although be prepared to see less of the baby than the other granny does.

New parents today do things differently because times have changed,eg; ready made bottled milk,everthing is disposable.
Just sit back and enjoy being a grandma.
He and his partner will bring up their Dd as they see fit,you have done your bit,it`s his/her turn now.

Much misinterpreting of my paragraph here , as expected of course !Just plain honesty after having 4 of my own babies in 6 years back in the days of commonsense & accepting advice fro those in the family willing to offer it ! Many cultures accept that Grandparents' input is valuable rather than Googling everything & receiving mixed advice !

ExDancer , because they only see the parts of written prose that they want to , as with Twitter !

eazybee , I'm the only Grandma on the scene . I'll be looking after my Granddaughter a lot in due course , happy to over invest , why not , nothing else matters , surely !

BlueBell , I was only asking for others' experiences & being honest ! Maybe some on here have their rose tints on , hey !

No advice to offer Lizzy60 just wanted to say congrats

You know, out of all the things that were said to me when I had my first baby, the one I remember was my MIL visiting for the first time when he was a couple of weeks old.

“What a beautiful baby! You are doing well.”

I’m afraid my own lovely mother was anxious and tried to ‘help’ far too much.

Guess who I spent most time with?

Shelflife , thank you , you have fully understood my post & what you say is how I'll be , I'd already decided this ! I had much advice when my family were young & I found it hard to take . In reality , it was useful & true ! Maybe modern ways have much responsiblity for the insecurities & health issues of the young esp the explosion in obesity !

As long as baby is hale and hearty try not to worry too much how this is achieved. Any advice, books etc that they have read will give entirely different views to the ones you had and baby will cope fine. Try to be encouraging when you see them, you have a long way to go!

Put your hands up and say you are so out of touch with 'babies'...how does MUM want things done.. buy a couple of magazines to learn the 'in' phrases and fashions.. when asked you can reminisce about your experiences.. and be amazed anout the new fandangled ideas??