This is my first time on Gransnet, so thank you for listening.
I'm feeling really perplexed and would really appreciate some advice/opinions on what is felt to be a reasonable amount of time to be with my daughter and son in law after the birth of their first child?
My daughter and I are very close and I just presumed she would like me to be around to help with things after the birth of her's and my son in law's first baby. She is due in two weeks.
I live over a five hour car journey away so would need to stay somewhere. I said I would not expect them to put me up even though they have a big house with a separate en suite guest bedroom on it's own floor. I accept they want to be just the three of them so wouldn't intrude even if I was allowed to stay.
I have spoken to my daughter this morning and she tells me that she would like me to visit her the day after they get back from hospital and then stay in self catering for a couple of days before leaving. She has been very specific during these two days that she would like me to shop for them, cook a meal on one of the nights and then she would tell me how the labour had been. This is all absolutely fine but I had expected that she would like or need more support for longer and also perhaps have some involvement with the baby. She had been in tears last week saying she was worried that she didn't know how to look after a baby and her husband didn't know either.
She also explained that because of this arrangement it would mean that my son in law's parents and his brother and partner would see the baby first as they live locally. I add that she doesn't get on with them very well as they have been prescriptive about the pregnancy and after birth with very outdated ideas which have upset her. I know I am childish wanting to be the first grandparent to see the baby, I'm just more upset that my daughter hasn't realised that this might be the case.
I am trying not to feel upset and am, of course, accepting my daughter's wishes. I'm just really surprised that she doesn't want me to be around for very long especially as I live such a distance away and we have been so close during the pregnancy as she was very ill with hyperemesis gravidarum.
I know this sounds as though I am entitled to more and I'm wondering if it is based on my own experience of my Mum being around for much longer to help me when my daughter was born and this is now not what happens, 33 years on. Saying that, my daughter in law's Mum was around for three weeks after the birth of my granddaughter so perhaps it is not that outdated.
Am I getting in a selfish stew over nothing?
Thank you so much anyone who might be able to help.
