Stepping back from in-laws who show favouritism

I sympathise with you completely. Keep to your rules and if they ask why I would be honest and tell them. Your husbands attitude of sweeping everything under the carpet is just enabling them to carry on as if they haven’t done any wrong.

You say they were upset with you recently, how did they express this upset?

For all those that have commented already, what happened to parents rules??

What happened to empathy, compromise, seeing other peoples point of view, involving husband in decisions ?

Lucca

What happened to empathy, compromise, seeing other peoples point of view, involving husband in decisions ?

In laws don’t seem to have any of the above do they? And the husband is walking around with blinkers.

Always the grandparents at fault eh ?

annoyedmom

Are you and your husband doing OK financially? Do you need and haven't had the level of help your sil has received?

Are your parents in law even aware? Maybe they just see their daughter as vulnerable and are protecting her?

Why is your sister in law not welcome? Do you think she manipulates them for financial support?

I am sorry but I am just not seeing enough for all this animosity if it is just about money

Yes violetsky, animosity’s the right word !

I have 3 siblings. At one point in my life things were very tricky for me and my mother helped me financially (not that I asked her btw) no resentment from my siblings at all.

To be honest, even if the allegations of favouritism of sil are true, why would this effect the relationship your children have with their paternal grandparents, their aunt, their cousin? Are you disapproving of how your sil's child was conceived? Sorry, totally irrelevant, but the use of the word 'kid' when talking of your niece/nephew is dismissive, and the word kid/kids really grinds my gears, goats have kids, people have children!

Gosh, you sound like very hard work OP. Whatever money your in-laws decide to spend it on is non of your business and you give the impression this is you biggest bug bear with your in-laws as you want, what you think, you should have too!

This is all about your wants and quite honestly your in-laws may well be happy to have you and your interference in their
family gone.

Do you always speak on your DH’s behalf? Poor man.

I presume its not what you want to hear, but I feel sorry for your in-laws! I am afraid you come across as very bitter and determined to get revenge. The comments made about babysitting, but not babysitting for fun are bizarre- what a very strange attitude. The people who will suffer most from your desperation to control and punish your in-laws are your own children. I would have loved to have had grandparents who were loving and nurturing (mine were very strict). I think you need to put aside your jealously and think what your attitude is doing to your husband and children.

This made me think of the saying “two wrongs don’t make a right”.

Poppyred, what exactly have the parents-in-law done wrong? It sounds as though they’ve given help where needed - that’s fair enough isn’t it?

And what are “parents’ rules”?

Delila

*Poppyred*, what exactly have the parents-in-law done wrong? It sounds as though they’ve given help where needed - that’s fair enough isn’t it?

And what are “parents’ rules”?

In most threads on Gransnet when grand parents complain of not spending enough time with grand kids, the overwhelming answers are “They are not your children up the parents to decide”

But not on this thread…….

And how have these grandparents transgressed?

Don’t necessarily have to do anything wrong do they ? Still up to parents to decide according to most advice given on this site.

I rather think you believe it’s up to you, and you alone, what happens. You sound very controlling.

Yes up to the parents to decide but according to the OP they are her children; what about the children's other parent?

I get the impression OP decides what he can do and who he can see, and when, Smileless. The words ‘thumb’ and ’under’ come to mind.

I think you're right GSM.

You sound hardwork, controlling and jealous. Someone posted what about parents. Rules, well there are two parents and one, mum, wants it all her way

I'm thinking this is a

Wind up. The use of 'vacationing' is a little American and the whole situation strange, 500k, hmm

I find it difficult to advise you, as you didn't say how your husband feels about your attitude to his parents and their treatment of him and his sister.

I feel your first consideration here must be his feelings about what you want to do.

If he is happy not to see more of his parents well and good.

If he feels that you have misunderstood his parents' relationship with the entire family, then you will have to rethink the entire situation.

Why do you feel that your parents-in-law helping their unmarried daughter and her child is favouritism and not a natural expression of their love for her? Does you husband feel unfairly treated by them?

It is possible to read your post and feel that you are determined not to see you in-laws and don't care what your husband would like or not like here.

I hope I am wrong about this, and will gladly apologise to you if I am.

14.43 - halfpint wind up I was just wondering, as there was a poster who complained of similar problems with Inlaws, including a favourite daughter who visited un invited, a while ago.

If it isnt then Im sorry. I do feel for the ops husband and children whatever.

I think you need to step back. To say you would cut your child of because they think differently to you isn’t nice, plus interfering with your husbands family, you shouldn’t be railroading across him, he probably loves them and doesn’t want upset. If he want to address tge problems you have with them he’s the one to talk to, not confront them. You all need to calm down.