still not the mom he was expecting

I think it sounds a very controlling arrangement. I can't see how/why they would stop you gardening with your grandson, surely the fresh air will be good for him and it's doing something nice?!

You are doing nine and a half hours twice a week, with three days and the weekend to separate the days. I would try it and simply see how it goes; focus on the time you will have with your grandson and see how you cope and how much you enjoy it.
To put it bluntly, your son is behaving like a prat and seems extremely entitled. He can be what he likes but you don't have to deliver what he says he wants; remind yourself you are the ones doing him a favour, a very big one.
You said he had finished school; is this university and is this his first job? Expecting you to cook for him and look after him so he can have a break; really? If he behaves like this at work he is in for a big shock.
I hope you get to look after your grandson and have a good time together.

I looked after my first grandchild for three days a week, until she was about 2 1/2. I followed mums itinerary to the letter, and if I wanted to do something, I ran it past her first.

My DIL was so grateful I could have my granddaughter, and I loved it, but wouldn’t have done in your situation, where you sound frightened to say or do anything. If you’re tense/ on edge...that’s most likely when things can go wrong.

I was 52 when I did this, and it was still hard physically. We did a lot of walks, pushing buggy’s up and down hills. I had to move one of my swims to the evening, when I’d had her that day. If you do three days, it’s surprising how much that takes out of the rest of your week, and it’s not as simple as having enough time left over to do what you want. You may not have the energy.

Make sure you know exactly what you’re doing before you take this on, especially as your relationship with your son is already fragile. You could look after your grandson for a short time, and then not see him at all otherwise.

All the best.

Sorryabout that mistake, but I still think this parent and child relationship is unbalanced and needs a reset. No parent should feel unable to talk totheir child and arrange things and need to do it via their husband.

Perhaps your son is stressed with moving house.
I would say little now but if he is sharp or rude say something like'Gosh I'm sure you don't intend to be rude but that is how it come over' and smile sweetly at him.
I hope it all works out. Coukd you liaise more with your DIL?

Monday and Friday Monica not Monday to Friday!

Hang on, this whole story sounds like a classic case of elder abuse.

What sort of mutually loving and caring parent and child relationship is based on a grown man with a family dictating to his mother what she shall and shall not do for him, piling her up with caring responsibilities and expecting her to work more hours than he would ever consider acceptable to work himself.

Your son is demanding you work 10.5 hours a day 5 days a week, 52.5 hours a week, without coffee breaks, lunch breaks and complains when you fail to pull your weight when you are ill, although he will grant you a couple of weeks off when your husband is in hospital. How very kind and considerate of him!!

OP your story is not one of a mother and child relationship based on love and mutual respect, it is one based on intimidation and fear. His making unreasonable and abusive demands on you and you to scared to stand up to him or even speak to him.

You need to seek counselling before his demands make you prematurely ill, both physically and mentally. Like so many abused people, especially women, you see yourself as having some kind of duty to your abuser and believe that his demands and your acquiescence are signs of the love between you. They aren't. They are the abuse.

You ladies are all so lovely to take the time to reply with suggestions and helpful advice. I will read through them more carefully a little later today, but a couple of clarifications.
For now we have agreed to Monday and Friday, 8:30-6. Husband will be home for those days until mid April, then I'll be on my own on Mondays.
Husband will also be having surgery mid February and will require my care for at least a couple of weeks, maybe 3 due to his restrictions which means I won't be able to watch GS at all.
We had already planned that all GS's care will be provided at our home. It's a half mile from their home to ours, and then a mile to work for them.
Thank you again for all the replies.

Excellent suggestion from Oopsadaisy.

You need to protect yourself from all this criticism mothercat and you need to feel confident when looking after your GC and enjoy it.

You'll be unable to do either if you're constantly worrying about every little thing in case your son criticises you.

Hello ? I would say that 2/3 days a week is a lot to take on. I don’t know how old you are but we did one very long day a week for many years and as we got into our 70s with GC still at primary school found the early starts and Late nights too much as when often happens another child is born there is the expectation of care of that child as well,
Its always easier to increase days if you want rather than to have to decrease after you start.
It seems your son expects a lot from you and hope that it works out ( I agree about having the child at your house so that you can get on with things ) but a toddler has to be watched every minute,

Discuss how it’s to be managed say that you will let them know when you are on holiday and of course they tell you their holiday plans so you can make plans for yourself in that time. you will definitely need. a regular break ,
Hope it works out , it is lovely but it will eat into your free time.

I really feel that you and your husband need to sit down and talk to your son and daughter in law before you start looking after your grand child on a permanent basis. I can’t see this working out while your son does not communicate with you. It’s also not fair to your grand child. You are helping them out and also have your own business of selling fruit and vegetables. If he is going to criticise everything you do this does not bode well for anybody. Maybe you could suggest that your child care will be on a trial basis only to see how things go. Also start with one day a week. Two to three days sounds like a big commitment to me when you also have a business.

When people discuss familial childcare arrangements they often focus on the parents boundaries and rules, which is obviously very important.

But you also have to create the same. You have to decide what you are willing and not willing to allow happen. You are given them a truly amazing gift. The money alone they will save!
Have you discussed your holiday time? Or what happens if you are unwell?

I agree with Oopsadaisy1, put the ball back in their court.
At that age children love to potter, it was a joy looking after our GD 2 or 3 days a week till she went to full time school.
My SIL used to tell our GD what happens at Nanny's stays at Nanny's, we don't necessarily do it at home.

I think it’s very difficult I don’t really see why you should list out all your minute by minute activities either they trust you if they don’t A 2 year old will love pottering in the garden with you helping carry things and pulling up weeds etc and going shopping with Nan putting things in the basket helping you find things on the shelves and as he gets older pricing things The same with the library carrying a book helping you find what you want going to the kids section and choosing his own It all sounds delightful and if you’re having him only 2/3 days a week plenty of time to go to the pool for an adult swim or out with your husband and doing the hard graft on your garden

As for all the criticism I d let it roll off like water off a ducks back with an ok we ll try that next time DONT get defensive and DONT feel you have to explain every minute in detail do it all with a smile and above all stay calm

Send your son and his wife an email, telling him how thrilled you are at the thought of looking after your Grandchild and that you are looking forward to taking him to the pool, library etc. also that you want him to be able to help you in your garden as it’s very important to you and should be fun for a child.
Then wait for his reply.
If he then tells you that your expectations aren’t what he wants for his Grandchild, then you can tell him that, in that case, you will have to rethink your offer of childcare.
IMO it will be best for you to look after your GC at your home rather than your sons. Let them do all the running to and from house to house. You can have more fun at yours than at their house by the sound of it.