It's been 2 years since I last posted and I am still befuddled by what my son expects from me.
He has finished school 6 hours away where they have been living, and has accepted a job in our hometown. He and his wife have asked us to watch their 2 y/o son 2-3 days a week while they both work in the same office. The child is our first and only grandchild.
We agreed, but now I am having second thoughts.
They stayed with us for a week during the summer and again over the holidays. During the summer I was criticized for spending too much time in the garden. I grow fruits and vegetables to sell at a farmers market as I have for the past 6 years. There were also a lot of other criticisms about how I spend time with the grandchild.
The holidays were a repeat of various greivances, but I came down with a nasty cold Christmas Eve and explained that I would not be participating as much as usual, trying to prevent others getting sick. Turns out the son felt that I should be cooking and helping more because he felt the visit was meant to be a vacation from their usual life and they were looking for places to stay when they moved back, plus catching up with friends, etc.
But, this week may portend how things will be when they move back next weekend. Son asked me to pick up keys for their new home (paperwork already signed), but wait until he had notified them that night. No word from him for a couple of days and while driving past the building a couple of times on the same day doing errands decided to pop in thinking he just forgotten to send me the okay. The agency hadn't heard from him and called him for permission. All seemed fine. I sent him a text later saying I had everything, but no reply.
I finally called him today about another matter, and he said he was upset that I had "disregarded" what he asked me to do. He didn't give me a reason why he didn't do what he said he would, or why what I did was wrong, just that I hadn't followed directions.
I'm now concerned that I will be in for a lot of criticism for how I care for his son. My husband understands my concerns and has agreed to be the designated person to communicate with our son.
I was getting excited about the time I would have with our grandson, but now worry that I won't be able to do any of the things I was planning (pool, park, library, etc). Not to mention the still very tenuous relationship with our son.
No idea how to approach him to explain how hurt I am with his perception of me as a parent and grandparent. Conversations with him are exhausting as I am always so guarded and careful to say just the right thing.
Any advice?
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