Retire to care for 1yr old?

Is you health up to it? Childcare is exhausting! I’ve looked after my GS from 21mths. He’s just started school. I was 64 when I started but really notice the difference now. I drive 16 miles e/w but stay overnight in the winter as his parents both leave before 8am. It’s very rewarding and I feel very privileged to have cared for him but it’s a big commitment so be sure before you start. We agreed beforehand that if I did something they didn’t like, or I wasn’t sure why they did something in a particular way we would talk about it without getting offended, but I would follow their rules.

When I was in my early sixties I used to travel probably about three days a week avoiding long journeys on Fridays as traffic is dreadful. I worked as a therapeutic peripatetic counsellor in lots of different schools and hospitals. Journeys to the East Coast about 70 miles and then moving around from one appointment to another all day. This meant very long days and sometimes not getting home until 7.30pm. I loved the work, I enjoyed the thinking time between each stop with the driving. two days a week I planned my appointments for places closer to home. But would I have driven 140 miles per day to child-mind? Oddly enough no. I think it would have been more exhausting than the job I was doing.

I did exactly that. I always felt that I wanted to be involved when my daughter had children so I gave up work at 57 to help with childcare and almost 7 years later I'm still doing it. My daughter also lives a good distance away so every other week (I share with the other grandma) I travel to my daughter's, stay overnight and spend Tues to Thurs there providing the care. It's been hard work and friends and family have told me I'm mad but I wouldn't have missed it for anything. I have such a close relationship with my two grandsons it has been worth every minute. I'm fortunate in that my daughter is a teacher so I have school holidays off and when she had her second baby I had a year's 'maternity leave'! My time will come to an end later this year when my youngest grandchild goes to school. It will be a relief in many ways to have my time back but I will miss it too. It's certainly not for everyone so needs very careful consideration before making that final step. It has saved my daughter a fortune and probably cost me a lot financially but you can't put a price of what grandchildren give you back.

No, the child is the choice of the parents, grandparents are a by product of a choice someone else makes about their life. Your grandchild will soon be at playgroup, then nursery, then school, then university. Perhaps it would be better to keep working or doing what you enjoy and if helpful make a financial contribution to child care and then go at holiday times and do the granny child care bit.

15 years ago I did exactly that and retired to look after my twin grandchildren. ( I was 60 at the time).Their live in Nanny married and returned to the South of England when they were 3 and just starting nursery school. They found alternative care for 3 days but were desperate for 2 days cover. I too lived a fair way from them (80 miles). I decided to do it for a year only and traveled to them on a Monday and slept over returning on Tuesday evening. It gave me a wonderful chance to bond with my grandchildren taking them out and about after their morning in nursery school. I was also able to cook for my daughter and her wife and they kindly paid my petrol costs so it was win win for us all. Go for it.

I went from five to four working days so that I could look after my one year old grandson one day a week. Daughter only lives about 10 mins away and brought him to me and collected before bathtime. Did that for three years and loved every second of it. Now the same with second grandson and enjoying one on one time with him. Both went/go to nursery three days. Mum had/has one day at home with them.
I do think it must my your choice to do this. It’s hard work.

Could? is not the same as WILL be retiring.
Do not commit yourself /make any promises to your daughter
until that day arrives.

No, I wouldn’t commit to travelling 70 miles and working a full day, then travelling home again feeling shattered (and you will be!). You don’t mention whether you have a partner who could help?
It would be a lovely way to bond with your grandchild, but I would only consider it if I could stay the nights before and after. We looked after our grandson one day a week, but that was locally (6 miles).
I wouldn’t give up work if you need to build up your pension. Personally I couldn’t wait to retire! Never looked back!
FYI - There is a benefit you can claim for caring for a grandchild under 12 - even if it’s only one day a week.
‘Specified Adult Childcare Credits’ transfer NI credits to your pension entitlement from the working parent. I tried to claim, but my daughter didn’t work enough hours.
Personally (I’ll get shouted down for this - ?) I would recommend you to help your daughter financially so that she can stay at home herself with the baby (novel idea?), then you will be able to visit in a more relaxed way. ? Call me old-fashioned, but I still think that young babies need their Mums.

Hetty58,
I totally agree with your last paragraph.
Some AC think it is your duty to provide childcare when you have retired.
I know plenty of GP's who have no qualms providing CC but other want to enjoy their retirement in their own way.

Do you want to do it and can you afford to do it? As others have said 70 miles is a long trip. Would you be staying the night before, or are you happy to be getting up very early and then having another long journey in the evening? I hope you can work something out, that suits everyone; but if not take into account what is best for you.

70 mile drive,could take the best part of 2 hours depends on toads and traffic. Will your go to DDs the night before if she an early start? Then drive back end of childminding day. Think it would be a No from me. I did very rarely travel 35 miles each way to childmind for the day and it is not easy, a lot more time consuming than you think.

Kryptonite, I couldn't agree more. Drink it in while we can!

Yes, in the summer months----fine, but come winter ? Bad roads ?
I'd think twice myself.

Forgot to say, I drive 3 hours each way to do my stint regularly, usually once a fortnight, staying over the night before. 2 grandchildren to care for now. It is very tiring, but will change all too soon when school days come along. I recover the next day then go out to work the rest of the week. More driving! I treasure these times so much and know how quickly it will be over. We have a close relationship which makes it all worthwhile. I get no help with petrol etc .

Don`t do it, if you retire, the one day will most likely turn into 2 days upwards.

I would see your work situation as your last to build up your pension pot before retiring and having to maybe live on the state pension so I would not rush to retire prematurely unless you really hate your job. Also a 70 mile trip can be quite a heavy burden in bad weather, ill health, heavy traffic etc.

I’d do it tomorrow if I could
70 miles is quite a distance though
Can you go the night before and stay over?

Hello there.
I'm mid 50s and not working and I will be looking after My grabdchild one day a week however My Daughter will be dropping off although they only live 3 miles away and I dont Drive .I'm not sure that I would drive 70 miles even if I could ...it really is a huge commitment for You I feel....

That drive in itself is a heck of a commitment! I wouldn't do it, but maybe do as someone already suggested contribute t paying for a local childminder.
I've been lucky, both DDs took their children to childminders/nurseries, but knew I was there in an emergency or school holidays.

I'd be wary of committing to this. On your own, in bad weather or dark evenings it could be no joke.
I'll be 67 in July and have found over the last year or two that my eyesight for driving and my stamina have reduced considerably.
I know we're all different, but if you find the first few months ok and then struggle increasingly to keep it going, that could be more difficult than just saying no to start with.
Offering to help pay for a childminder would probably cost you less than the fuel, wear and tear on the car, and reduction in pension.
You could offer to go some Friday/Saturdays when you're off, stay over and let your daughter ( & partner?) have a night out and/or help with specific tasks. You could make that a fairly regular thing.
On the other hand, if you feel fit and able, don't mind driving in snow or in the dark, wouldn't mind if it extended to two children..... and were thinking of retiring anyway - it might suit you to do this.
The fact you are asking GNs suggests you are unsure of committing to this. You don't want to end up doing it but being really stressed/tired and not wanting to let your daughter down so carrying on to your detriment.
I assume your working hours/days couldn't be amended to facilitate this without retiring?
All the best whatever you decide.

No l wouldn't give up my job 70 miles is,a long way. Others have said about bad weather not feeling well etc. The child will be going to free day care at the age of three. You'll be 'redundant' then. I'm looking after my grandchild and working part time. It's exhausting and l'll be glad when it's time for them to go to nursery. Keep your job and the adult conversation that goes with it

Yes! Retire if you can anyway. Enjoy your life. Can you stay the night before at your daughter's house? Then recover the next day when you're home. Still plenty of time left to enjoy your own things.

I think I would only agree to the 70 mile drive if I only had to do it one way each day, such as on a Friday when I could drive up and stay over Friday night then return home Saturday.
Would have the bonus of being there on a Friday night so DD and SiL could have a date night!

I have previously offered regular childcare for grandchildren who are local and still do a couple of school pick ups a week. I now have another younger grandchild who lives further away - a lot less miles than you are considering but an hour or more each way in rush hour. I did not feel able to commit to regular child care but instead decided to give a contribution to nursery cost each month is boosted by 20% in their tax free child care account so covers half a day week. I also offered to cover holidays for other gran who is more local and is offering 2 days a week care, nursery closures (during covid) and child's illness. This has worked well so far. I have done 5 days in the last 6 months and have 4 days booked in for holiday cover. I would not have felt able or been willing to commit to a 70 mile round trip to provide care.

I gave up a not very good part time job at 69 to look after two of my grandchildren - - but I lived opposite them and fell out of bed at 7.30 am and across the road to do the breakfast and school run. Same at night with tea and homework and I treasure those times now as my relationship with both now teenage grandchildren is close and loving BUT i would not have driven the distance required in this post. There are days when they are grumpy, tired and just sometimes a handful and I found tiredness and lack of stamina to be a problem. If I could not have just walked over the road to my own peaceful home at the end of the day I would not have done it so happily.