Retire to care for 1yr old?

Is OP going to come back and say more about the type and length of drive, whether she intends staying over, whether more grandchildren might come along which her daughter hopes she will look after even though she isn’t getting any younger, whether she really wants to, or can afford to, retire etc - all the things posters have questioned?

70 miles is a long drive. After looking after a 12 month old all day and then nèeding full concentration for the drive home. What time will you need to set off in a morning?

Someone suggested sleeping over, I would do that, at least by doing that, you are refreshed for your 70 mile drive back home.

As we age, the ability and stamina to look after little ones has diminished to what it was when we were younger....

Whichever way you decide, all the best.

I wouldn’t do it. Like Hetty, I love them dearly, and am lucky to have them local, but have done my time.

I enjoyed every second of being a stay at home mum, but wouldn’t expect to capture every moment of the grandchildren.

I suppose it could depend on the journey, so type of roads etc. Is it 70 miles of motorway, or back roads? Still too far I think.

Do you want to retire? If you retire early, do you forfeit a chunk of your pension, can you afford that.
70 or 140 miles a day on most roads in England is a challenge. The roads are extremely busy. A 70 mile journey is likely to take 2 hours. A full day caring for an infant, then a long drive home. A friend does this, she often stays over to avoid the stress of the journey home. So two full days after which she’s tired.

There will also be emergencies, when the little one is poorly, can’t go to nursery, or mum is ill and needs some help.

Also, baby 2 often arrives not long after baby 1. If you have other children, there may be children arriving there. Don’t want to be a grump, we’ve done years of child care, it’s lovely to spend time with them and great to support our adult children. We need to look after ourselves as well

No don`t do it, its a very tight commitment. You have to be there no matter what the driving conditions and potentially drive home tired and in the dark. Emergency cover from me was always given freely but I have never been taken advantage of and it was always greatly appreciated. It will be hard to back out once commited, just say no now, so that dd can make other arrangements

We live about 1.20 hrs drive on a good traffic day away from my now 2 Granddaughters. We are the emergency cover, when childminder is poorly etc
There is no way I would do it weekly.
As others have said it might be worth giving it a go, but at least ask for petrol money, you will be shattered by the time you get home.
But 70 miles on a bad traffic day will be a few hours one way.
Have a good think on some of the GN views, but it's a No from me.

I wouldn’t even consider it quite honestly. But lots of different opinions and suggestions from posters.

There is no way I would drive 70 miles to do my grandma bit! I would feel that was expecting far too much - would definitely be a NO from me!! Consider the implications of retiring and when you do retire it must be for your advantage not your daughters and should happen when you are ready for that change.
If you were to agree to one day a week childcare 70 miles away think of the winter months and the driving problems that brings. I know I sound harsh but IMO this is asking far too much. I recognise this is a personal choice and many people would not be daunted but I would be very stressed at the prospect. By all means do it if you really want to but say no if you have doubts, easier to say no now than pull out once the child care are has started.

I’m afraid I’d just say no. I don’t think it’s a reasonable thing to ask of anyone on a regular weekly basis and I think it shows little consideration on the part of the daughter for her mother.

DH retired to look after our GC, one, then two. He drove 15 miles a day though that went up when he the school run started.
DD paid him too.
I wouldn’t do it if it involved a 70 mile drive, because of petrol and wear and tear on me and the car, but there are some useful suggestions on here if you want to do it.

I do a 55 mile drive about once a week and come back totally knackered. Today was one such trip and i had road closed with diversions. Don’t do it is my advice

A neighbour did a similar journey, she parked her car in the park and ride and took a coach to her daughters and did the same thing back in the evening.
The daughter paid for her parking and she wasn’t frazzled with the driving, but it was still a very long day, but she loved doing it.

I think posters have given you lots to think about OP, I wish you luck in making your decision.
The bit about bad weather made me smile - some years ago there was a heavy snowfall - it had been predicted so we left early, with provisions just in case. It took some tenacity, but it took us just half-an-hour longer than usual - which is the time we allow for delays so we arrived on time. As we got there, DiL said "My boss has just been on the phone telling me to take the day off. He's not coming in because he can't start his car". Now, we have known DiL's boss since he was a school friend of one of our children, and he lives within walking distance of the office!
So DiL rang him and said "Rose (and DH) have driven 40 miles through the snow to get here, so I'm going in". He slunk in 2 hours late, saying "I didn't dare stay away!"

We drive 70 miles each way every Monday to look after our grandson.I drive there and my husband drives back.We get up at 4.30.

Our daughter and son in law are teachers so we have the school holidays off.

I am so glad we have done this as we have developed a lovely relationship with our grandson.

Time flies and they are at school before you know it.If you are fit and healthy I would say go for it.

I was unsure about the journey length, is it 70 miles in total or each way. If its a total of 70 then not too bad apart from bad weather issues. As MOnica said the cost implications should not be overlooked, fuel prices are increasing all the time.
You need to think hard about this mrsbirdy It would be good to spend time with your grandchild and help your daughter but the journey will be tiring especially after a day with a toddler.

If you can stay over the night before your 'duty' then that would make the driving less onerous. Think that's what I would do but wouldn't arrive until mid evening. Mind you, I would be disinclined to retire if I loved my job. Is reduced hours an option?

70 miles there - and 70 miles back, at least 2 hours each way, What is that going to cost you in petrol, wear and tear, depreciation, tyres, and car repairs bill - and a 2 hour journey means you arrive at your daughters house, tired and frazzled and in no state to look after a small baby all day.

Pesonally, I wouldn't consider it - and what happens when a second child arrives? Work until you reach retirement age to maximise your pension. You haven't got long to go and, as they say. 'every little helps'.

Perhaps give your daughter the money you would otherwise have spent travelling to her house and back as a contribution to childcare costs.

Hi. Yes I would do it if there were no other options. Could your daughter drop him at yours, then you could take him home, or visa a versa whichever suits. If not then I would stay over, especially in bad weather.
She also needs to have a back up plan in case your ill, or the weather is too bad to drive. Good luck.

Sorry, but I think it's a bit much to expect for anyone to drive 70 miles to do childcare. Surely this was all considered by the mother before she had the baby, as in who would care for the child while she was at work? What happens when the wee one goes to nursery and school. I think it's a helluva an ask and I wouldn't do it. Apart from anything else I have health issues and just wouldn't be able. If you are giving up your own income to do childcare, then I think you should be paid, given the price of petrol. What happens when a babysitter is needed for nights out etc, are you going to drive 70 miles each time? What happens if you take ill? Im sorry if I sound harsh, but to my mind this is fraught with pitfalls.

I think you need to find out exactly how your DD thinks it is all going to work out. You are younger than me and I reckon at your age I could have done the run but it is a huge commitment along with caring for a small child who will soon be everywhere. Yes five years soon shoot by but you could then find yourself with a smaller pension than you hoped for and a fully occupied at school GC. Just reread you are working four days could you ask DD for a trial run on the other day to see how it goes.

May i ask where the child goes the other 4 days a week?

Many parents have this arrangement so the gp spends time with the gc, so it is for the gp's benefit, not the child

What are the circumstances around this specific situation?

As for retiring, it is a huge decision that you should make because it fits your life long term.

Do you like your job?
Are you financially secure to retire now?
What would you do the other 4 days a week?
What would happen if this 1 day a week doesnt work and she asks you to stop it?

70 miles is also a lot (although living in the US, some people do this for daily commute so it is a minor factor)

I did this (actually, retired for another reason, but the 2 largely co-incided) and we hve decent pensions.
It's an 80 mile round trip - the 40 miles there takes about an hour (but see below)

I began this 10 years ago, and for the last 9 we have done it as a couple. That began because we all wanted to do that, but for about the last 4 years it has been a necessity as my arthritis won't permit quick physical reactions.
The youngest GC is now 3.

I take it that the drive is 70 miles each way, which is quite a lot, so you need to consider that (and traffic). With that journey I would think:
Do you want to stay over? 2 nights eat into your week, but can be very pleasant for everyone. We sometimes take then opportinity to visit friends who live about halfway.

If you are driving in the morning, what is the back-up plan if you get held up? We allow an extra half-hour, but have occasionally been caught badly.

What are the general relationships like and how much do you get together anyway? I'm very glad that we have a relationship that doesn't rely on hard-pressed parents finding time at weekends.

Do you feel ready to retire? And are you happy to do the childcare?

And if so to both, could you stay the night?
At 68 I did one day a week for the first grandchild, 60 miles away, but always stayed the night before, otherwise I’d have had to leave at around 6 am, to allow for rush hour traffic.
Just too knackering.

I agree TerriBull. It IS hard work. Exhausting sometimes, particularly when I'm teaching online and DGS is in the background being demanding.

But I saw how GP in China care for their DGC while the parents work and I also saw the amazing bonds they have with their GC and resolved to emulate it if I was lucky enough to have a GC. And now I do. And it's wonderful mostly.

I do agree with Gago Jo that adorable full of wonder age is gone in a nano second I miss it, but it's tiring. Have to say I'd hate the drive though, short journeys for me. I'm afraid that would be the fly in the ointment. Only you can know whether it would be too much.