Talking to GC

Edge26

DiscoDaancer1975,
If you look at my reply to Kim19 it will give some answers to your questions.
Thank you.

Yes...I think I remember you from before.

My advice doesn’t change.....you’re being totally manipulated, and it’s just not on.

So many adult children seem to use their children as bargaining tools to get what they want from grandparents. Don’t fall for it. There’s two ways this could go:

1. You stop being at their beck and call. Could possibly lead to estrangement.

2. You carry on as you are. Could possibly lead to estrangement.

Do what’s right for you and your husband. Stop this now, and I think you have a better chance of time with grandchildren in the future.

The path you’re on is leading to definite failure in my opinion.

DiscoDaancer1975,
If you look at my reply to Kim19 it will give some answers to your questions.
Thank you.

He sounds very angry & jealous. Some good advice here & glad to know you do stand up to him. In your shoes I’d probably withdraw the childcare but the consequences might be more than you can bear.
I could write an entire chapter but for now I send supportive good wishes & I hope matters can be happily resolved with some straight talking to your unkind son.

Kim19,
He has tried and failed to tell me to end my relationship with my OH ( not his father )bearing in mind we have been together for 18 years. My OH will not speak to him anymore.

My son believes I should put them first , i.e, if they ask a favour but i can't do it because I am spending time with OH or I am busy he starts another row saying they should come first. He didn't like it when I told him we wanted time to ourselves.
If I can do it I am the best mother in the world, if I can't I am a wicked woman.
He has only been acting like this since my GC have been born and he plays them off against me. I know for a fact he has said things about me in front of eldest GS.
I envy you your relationship with your Son's as mine is definitely not normal.
Thank you .

This seems a baffling request, I understand GC wants to see and talk to you but, every day?

You see them twice a week, could you compromise? Are there 1 or 2 days a week you are usually free to facetime?

Maybe you can set a routine with GC so that everyone knows what to expect...

Other than that I don't know what to say really. At least GS obviously loves and wants to see you often

I agree with DiscoDancer this isn't good for you or the children and I'd be very tempted to say I wont be looking after the children until this stops.

How did this all start with your son?

As much as I’m sure you love looking after your grandchildren, it’s just going to get more awkward as you go along. Your grandson will start to repeat what he hears, if he isn’t already.

I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear, but if it were me...I think I’d say I’m not doing it anymore, until they can be civil.

It’s not fair on the children, and it certainly not doing you any good.

It’s a difficult one, but you must look after yourself first.

Well, in the interests of seeing your GC, you may have to thole this. Also, in the interests of your GC, you may have to learn not to respond to nastiness in their presence. I would find these options extremely difficult but would try to arrange some more intimate discussion times with a view to discovering\sorting the fundamental grievance. Why does he want to 'run your life'? Perhaps he knows too much about how you spend your time away from him? NOT his business. Are you discreet? I don't mean secretive. Something certainly seems to be troubling him big time of else he may simply be a bully? Has he always been like this or is it a recent thing? Maybe he is unwell or has other problems you don't know about? It's so sad and I sincerely hope you manage to reconcile this soon. I would be bereft without the lovely relationships I am lucky enough to have with my sons. Think they sometimes despair of me but I know they're there if needed (and vice versa). I wish you good luck and success with this.

Have you asked him at least not to say these things when your DGS is there?
I think I've seen you posting before, tho, and the situation sounded awful.
Sorry I can't be helpful.

DiscoDancer1975,
I'm afraid to say that my son does do this I front of my GS.
I have tried numerous times to resolve the situation and talk to my Son about how he cannot try to run my life and tell me what I should and shouldn't do, this one of the reasons I asked the question.
I really don't know how what to do anymore.

I don’t think the problem is how often you talk to your grandchildren.

There’s obviously something really wrong with your relationship with your son and DIL. This needs fixing first I would say.

The four year old will be picking this up now. Your son shouldn’t be talking to you in this way in front of his children.