Kissing grandchildren?

Both sets of grandparents were very affectionate with me but never kissed me. I didn’t suffer because of it, and I certainly never grew up with immune issues as some posters are suggesting!

What is lovelier than the sensation of kissing a babys’ soft downy napper ?
….or being head butted in the face by same angelic infant ?….

JackyB

I'm not a great kisser either, but I do spontaneously hug my grandchildren as they do me, and I probably have given them a peck on the cheek or forehead when we were really close up. It would never have occurred to me that it could be contentious. As for herpes, the older one had quite a bad case the other week when he was with us for a sleepover. I got him to a doctor quick, especially as it was a Friday, so if anyone was going to pass that on it would have been the brother.

In fact, when I asked, the doctor said herpes wasn't contagious at all. We all carry it in us and it can break out at any time, but no way would I be getting it from him (DGS not the doctor!) nor would anyone else.

Umm, I think you need to research that a bit.

We don’t all carry it to begin with. We have to catch it first for it to be in our bodies. The first infection is called Primary herpes. The young the child the more dangerous it is, can infect the vital organs and cause death.

Like any virus, the herpes virus is infectious. Of course it is. That’s the only way a virus can exist. It doesn’t have a life of its own but needs to pass from host to host.
As we’ve all learnt from Covid!

Each to their own I guess. However, the herpes virus can be passed on without a cold sore being present in the host. The virus can manifest in the eyes causing blindness in some cases.

Yes, I cuddle and hug my GC, when they were very tiny kisses were strictly off limits by my own initiative and DD and SIL understood and respected my decision. The rest of the family were encouraged to follow suit, and they did too.

Their baby, their rules........at least the OP is having contact with the GC - why not embrace that and leave the kisses out of the equation? Babies don't understand kisses either, simply not necessary.

Come to think of it my own mother used to say you shouldn’t kiss babies even my own on the mouth.
Maybe she was right about this?

I don't think I kissed any of my GCs when they were babies. Just holding them, chatting to them perhaps stroking their face. I think kisses started when they were bigger perhaps about 1 year. I actually think a stranger's face looming very close might be a bit scarey for a young baby.

From their POV although you are the Grandparents you have just arrived from another country and although you have been vaccinated you have only just recovered from Covid.

I think they are being cautious with you as the baby is very young and might not be a very ‘robust ‘ baby .

Although we were very close to our GCs we only ever kissed them in the top of their heads when they were very young, cuddles and hugs yes, plenty of time for those slobbery kisses that GCs like to give you when they are full of cold and have snotty noses!

As others have said their rules whilst you are staying here. Im sure you want the best for the baby too.

On the top of their heads!

For Heaven’s sake we have just emerged from Covid and new varieties have been going the rounds. It is understandable that some people are very anxious. Being vaccinated doesn’t stop you getting Covid, you can still get it even if you’ve had it, and you can pass it on. A new born baby is very precious and parents can be very protective of their first born even without Covid. Also there are bad stories about babies catching Covid or anything else such as meningitis.

Does it really matter if you kiss the baby or not?

Fleurpepper

TwinLolly

I too, have heard about the herpes virus being passed onto babies and they have become gravely ill or died.

It is sad, but it happens. So precautions are probably justified.

At least you can show your grandchild affection in other ways.

If your parents had Herpes, they probably would know about it.

You can pass on herpes even if you don't have an active cold sore as it stays in your system. They will have been told this during antenatal classes and appointments and some parents are very cautious and won't allow kissing at all. It is not unusual for parents to be so worried so you just have to go along with it really xxxx

PollyDolly I agree that babies don't understand kisses from grandparents. They are just for the gratification of the grandparents.

I've never kissed my GC except right on the top of their heads and only then, when they're leaving. If they come for a hug or a cuddle, that's fine, but I'm mindful of how much I used to hate being told to kiss and hug grown ups when I was a child.

I’m not a kissy person anyway but I’d never dream of kissing someone’s baby, even my own grandchildren. I don’t think you have to kiss and hug someone to show you care about them.

Marydoll

I can understand their fears. A few years ago, I read about a new born baby, who contracted herpes and died. It was thought that someone with herpes had kissed the baby.

I would make me very sad, not being allowed to kiss a grandchild, but you have to abide by their rules, it's their baby.
Have you considered mum may have a touch of post natal depression, which may be causing your DIL's anxiety?
Are you allowed to cuddle the baby?

I hope you enjoy your visit, regrdless of this.

Yes, that can happen. I have seen people kiss children and grandchildren on or near their lips.

I kiss mine on top of their heads, well, I did until a couple of them grew taller than me, so it's a hug now.

However, if that's what the parents' wishes are, then you should accept that gracefully. Perhaps they are worried about herpes or other risks and their views should be respected.

I think we’re all getting a bit over the top here. Babies dying and going blind with herpes. I’m sure it’s happened, in about one in several million cases! Let’s face it, it’s highly, highly unlikely and kisses and cuddles from grandparents are a plus for the baby, not a minus. Yes, some children don’t like giving kisses to all and sundry, and I agree that children shouldn’t be forced to go around the room kissing everyone. But grandparents aren’t everyone, and babies should be receiving love from their grandparents. We were encouraged to cuddle, kiss, and interact with our grandchildren from day one. It’s normal.

However the OP knows and accepts that they will not be allowed to kiss their granddaughter, even on the top of her little downy head. Each to their own, but definitely over protective and controlling. I hope the parents relax as the child grows otherwise she’s in for a very controlled childhood, which leads to all sorts of problems in the future.

I would never want to kiss a baby and my teenage gs has never liked being hugged or kissed except by mum and dad.

Iv always kissed and cuddled my grandchildren.....When my GC are going home their mums always say "give granny a hug"....If my D or Dil said not to to that I wouldn't have been offended may just a wee bit sad.

I think we’re all getting a bit over the top here. Babies dying and going blind with herpes. I’m sure it’s happened, in about one in several million cases!

It is rare, maddyone but of sufficient concern to carry a warning on the NHS website.

Many people carry the herpes virus even if they have no symptoms and don't realise it.

Anyway, with Covid still around, I think it's a sensible precaution with a young baby.

What lathyrus said

It is very different what a baby needs and people around him want

Other posters have a great point about just having got over covid and the variants around, plus flying from abroad

The baby is precious for the parents - their main focus

Rules may seem over the top but there also may be reasons why they have those rules

Please enjoy the visit with them and do not spoil it for a mole being made into a mountain

100% normal and 100% reasonable. I would Google pictures of some of the transmissible diseases that babies are susceptible to from people kissing them. It may have little to do with Covid but more likely to do with things like the herpes virus. Before you get defensive, herpes is highly contagious and you may not know you have it. I’d respect their wishes without question and without an eye roll, that will only cause tension and mistrust.

Thanks everyone, I welcome all the inputs

Gin

To me, current ‘rules’ about child care seem extremely over the top, it is not just kissing. A friend has just returned from giving a hand looking after her daughter’s baby and is a nervous wreck! She said she wondered how her three children survived, the things that she did then that are now classed as wrong: bathing the baby every day; sitting him in a bouncy chair; feeding him more than one type of food at the same time. The list was endless, she felt she needed to go on a retraining course!

Many things have changed with time because more research has become available on safety when it comes to babies/children. Walkers and such are fine for short periods of time but are actually harmful to babies legs and hips. That’s just one example.

No don't kiss the baby. Your mouth carries ridiculous amounts of germs and infectious diseases.

What is wrong with just hugging the baby?

But we are not talking about 'endless relatives' are we?

I have taken uner my wing a young couple who have no great-parents- and I felt so happy that they just handed their baby 3 years ago for a cuddle, and the new one a couple of months ago- and watched, happy to have a surrogate granny they can trust. Wonderful. There is nothing like hugging a new baby- and kissing the top of the head gently (not fat sloppy kisses).

Philippa, I would be very sad too. And honestly, all this uber protection is not good fo a baby's development and immune system.

I looked after my first grandson five days a week from the age of 6 months until he started school. Lots of cuddling but I don't remember ever kissing him. Perhaps he wasn't that sort of baby? On the other hand it's great fun to creep up on his younger brother and kiss him when he isn't expecting it.