Kissing grandchildren?

Fleurpepper

Yes, a bit extreme. And this is how allergic children are 'formed'- but it is their rule, and as you have already accepted, you have to follow them. I'd find it very sad too.

No. It’s really not.

Not worth arguing about and spoiling the visit, in my experience.

Summerlove

Fleurpepper

Yes, a bit extreme. And this is how allergic children are 'formed'- but it is their rule, and as you have already accepted, you have to follow them. I'd find it very sad too.

No. It’s really not.

Not just about kissing- but about very limited contact with others, and little contact with dirt, soil, nature - over protected, over cleaned and constantly disinfected. Specialised medical research proves just that. As a specialist told me recently 'I've never had an allergic child from a farming family'.

I brought up 6 children on a farm , they helped muck out the byre , brought in hay , cut silage , had cats as pets ate sand from the sand pit , three of them have allergies

150 miles and rail strikes at present prevent me from visiting my very new (2 months old) GGD. I am longing to see her, cuddle her, talk to her and hear her 'talking back' to me. Kissing her comes well down in my list of priorities. I can think of many more ways of showing her how much I love her. Kissing a baby is for the kisser's satisfaction, not the baby's.

Well yes, I agree children can sometimes be over protected but what you’re talking about there Fleur is bacteria and children building up there immune systems.

As I found out last night with my Googling, babies don’t have their own immune system till they are weaned. So they won’t build up anything till then no matter what you expose them to.

A little bit off topic but definitely related. Over protective parents don’t help their children, they hinder them. Children need to experience the world, and often aren’t allowed to. It starts with the introduction of the baby to grandparents and other family members and family friends. The baby in the OP is now five months old and not allowed to be with anyone other than parents and grandparents. Socialisation starts early, it starts when the baby starts to ‘take notice’ and is to be encouraged. During Covid all baby/toddler groups were closed and only key worker children allowed to go to nursery. And what did we learn? We learnt that the socialisation of young children and the language development of young children was hindered, badly in many cases. If we had but looked, we would have undoubtedly found out that immunity to common viruses was also adversely affected.
Children are born into society. Initially a baby will be cared for entirely by its parents, but it should quickly be moving into wider interactions and experiences. These parents are over the top protective. The grandparents are adhering to their rules, after all, what choice do they have? But the rules are over the top and unreasonable. Unfortunately the real problem may well come later on when this over protected child starts to interact with others. I hope the socialisation doesn’t suffer, but it may well. And we wonder why so many children have mental health issues today. Over protective parents are one of the reasons.

Philippa60
I think what you are getting here is mainly "opinion" but what you should really be considering is the science.
I know you specifically asked for opinion and wanted to know if "no--kissing" was normal.

I think the short answer is yes. It is normal amongst those familiar with the latest understanding of wellness/disease in babies.
It's the safest option until the baby is fully weaned for reasons given.

I think, as others have said, parenting has changed a lot over the years.

It starts in the womb - women are now encouraged not to smoke or be around smokers. In 1960s women were told that less than 10 cigarettes a day was ok. Women are told no alcohol is safe during pregnancy now as well.

Breastfeeding is now known to be best for baby and most pediatricians recommend waiting to feed babies anything other than breastmilk or formula until they're six months old.

It's now known that buggies for babies and young toddlers should face the adult and that if a child is facing away a lot it impacts negatively on their development.

We learned (the hard way, unfortunately) that back-sleeping is the safest sleeping position for a baby, as it greatly reduces the risk of SIDS. Some babies died because they were simply the "wrong way up". Then there are the baby-sleep-bag things. I can see they work but it does look sad to me to see them (albeit content) sleeping in a sleep-bag. I loved tucking my babies up.

Car seats are mandatory now in the UK, USA etc. No more cuddling and settling babies on the back seat anymore.

Babies are now familiarised with dental hygiene very early. I'm sure I didn't bother till my babies had teeth!

Just SO many changes - and these ate the ones that just popped into my head.

....Just go with the new evidence. Kissing babies is not normal anymore.

Surely being made to kiss sundry relatives as a child - I do remember the bristly (male) and whiskery (female) old great-aunts/uncles I hardly knew anyway - is a bit different from kissing the top of a young baby’s lovely downy little head.

Witzend

Surely being made to kiss sundry relatives as a child - I do remember the bristly (male) and whiskery (female) old great-aunts/uncles I hardly knew anyway - is a bit different from kissing the top of a young baby’s lovely downy little head.

Yes, absolutely.

We didn’t kiss our grand babies , hugged yes, but it’s the parents choice isn’t it, their child their rules

My children are all adults now. My dad was never one for kissing and hugging them (or anyone else for that matter). It certainly didnt effect his relationship with them. He was kind and gentle and they were all very attached to him. In fact when he was very old and had dementia (they were grown up at this point) they all helped cared for him and were with him holding his hand when he died. Whether he had kissed them or not when they were children didnt matter at all.

The kissing is a bit off the point, the over protective parents are the point. It doesn’t matter if the baby is kissed or not, but it matters if the parents are too over protective.

Actually, in the first year, babies don't need to socialise outside of immediate family at all, the first year is when babies develop a secure attachment to their primary caregivers and if they only spend the first year with a single parent they won't be harmed at all as long as the parent is engaged.

That's also the time they are focused on physical development.

At about 6 or 7 months they may not want to be held by anyone except their primary caregivers, this is completely normal.

At about 1 year they may experience some separation anxiety, also completely normal. They are old enough to really focus on play with other children or adults then and if they have a secure attachment to a parent they will look to them to ensure new people and situations are safe.

Having family around in the first year is great but the focus should be the primary caregiver/s and a baby certainly doesn't need kisses from others to socialise.

My grand son was infected with the cold sore virus as a baby and spent 9 months in hospital three of those on life support when he has suffered from complete systems failure and was put on the emergency liver transplant list. So kissing any child under a year is not advisable

How awful Pippa poor little mite... and poor parents and family.

Good post Violet. I think those who say the children will be insecure or unsociable are missing the point of the benefits of great interaction from primary caretaker from birth.

Pippa000

My grand son was infected with the cold sore virus as a baby and spent 9 months in hospital three of those on life support when he has suffered from complete systems failure and was put on the emergency liver transplant list. So kissing any child under a year is not advisable

What a terrible experience for all of you. I hope he is fully recovered.?

I think we can lay to rest the whole "babies need socialization" argument. Babies do not need to be around anyone other than parents for socialization in the first year.

www.babycenter.com/baby/baby-development/developmental-milestones-socialization_6576

This is absolutely about kissing a baby, not being over protective.

To answer: yes it's normal not allowing babies to be kissed by non-birth-family.

Another huge generational difference

Hithere

Another huge generational difference

Madgran77 my thoughts too. There are generational differences but I think there are also many things that are universal to all mums, such as the panic of being given your first born and being overwhelmed with their vulnerability and reliance on you to make sure you make the right decisions and keep them safe.

We had neighbours who were OCD when it came to their children and hygiene.
We were BBQ ing at their home one summer when their youngest child of about 5 begged to use the porta loo that was for the builders who were working on an extension for them, they were so particular the workmen were not allowed to use the lavatory in the house.
The parents relented and in he went, came out and continued to play, suddenly mum screamed out “stop you can’t have washed your hands”
The darling child to our joy said “ It’s fine I licked them clean”????

I don't remember kissing my grandchildren when they were young. Lots of cuddles, certainly, but no kissing.
I think it's sensible to do what the parents want; it's their baby after all, and you want to keep the peace.

Sago I’m definitely not ocd about cleaning, but I did ensure my children washed their hands after using the bathroom. That story made me feel a bit sick ??