Step grandchildren help

My DS has a daughter and his wife is her stepmother. They never use that terminology for his wife, though. She and DGD have gradually forged their own relationship; there was no pushing to make them accept each other.

We accept that our DiL is not her mother and don't expect her to behave as if she is. She still cares for and about her and they get on really well. DiL's parents understand that there are 'real' grandparents and, while treating DGD like a grandchild, they are sensitive about how they do it.

Missed out the "be" after must !

Some good advice on here Bluefox; you don't say how old your new grandaughter is but it must very difficult for her to share her mum with a new family. It will take time, patience and a lot of love on your part, don't force it, just be there for them and I'm sure everything will turn out fine. You and your husband sound lovely.

Hetty58

(naughty)

Thanks, it honestly helpful to hear. X

(naughty)

I got applause for making my grown up daughter sit on the naught step - for being bad tempered with my granddaughter! Relationships with step parents take time - and good humour.

MissAdventure

The main consideration is the little girl.
The adults are big enough to iron out any problems, and there are bound to be some, but everyone needs to work out where they are in the packing order.

If it's any consolation, it can be difficult with biological grandchildren, too.

I used to get told off for having a sympathetic look on my face when I thought my girl was too strict.

Thank you. ??

The main consideration is the little girl.
The adults are big enough to iron out any problems, and there are bound to be some, but everyone needs to work out where they are in the packing order.

If it's any consolation, it can be difficult with biological grandchildren, too.

I used to get told off for having a sympathetic look on my face when I thought my girl was too strict.

Thank you all so far.
Just to say my husband and I are extremely fond of our new daughter in law and our new granddaughter.

You do nothing

I'd treat her just the same as any grandchild and accept her with lots of love, warmth and tolerance, whatever her personality or background. Your son's difficulties with the relationship are his own problem to resolve. Often, a step parent will resent a child for the way they interact with their natural parent. He may feel that she's just too demanding or difficult with her mother - as he feels so protective towards the woman he loves. Fathers who have always been there since the birth, who have formed a strong, loving bond with the child, tend to feel somewhat more relaxed and tolerant, so perhaps bear that in mind.

You can’t do anything. Please don’t try, it isn’t up to you.
Just make her feel part of the family ?

Be there for your son, listen to his concerns and let him have the benefit of your advice.

It will take time for you all to adjust, especially this child who I would think has been used to having her mum all to herself and now has to share.

It can’t be easy for the little girl. I have no advice, except to say, give her a lot of love, so that she feels secure. It will come in time. Good luck !