GD behaviour

I think the clue is, she's 5

Well I don’t think anybody of whatever age should have to receive kisses they don’t want. However, with regard to the name calling and poking the tongue out, even though this may be typical five year old behaviour it is rude and her parents should be pulling her up on it. She’s old enough to learn that this behaviour isn’t acceptable.

I have a 4 1/2 year old GD who used to occasionally pinch or hit me. I just ignored and walked away. Parents would scold her, but she is rather incorrigible! Best to ignore bad behaviour and I definitely wouldn't try to kiss her. My GD is better now - they go through different stages of development and try pushing boundaries, but usually to grow out of it.

True JaneJudge

The parents are rather inactive. It is this new way of education, make the children understand by themselves their bad/good behaviour. Don't quite agree but I keep quiet

Farmor15 good to know. Thank you.

is your breath fresh? not being rude but children say it like it is..
..why does she call you pooh pooh and put her tongue out.

We have three beautiful GDs they are all under 6. One week when we arrive they are all smiles the next week they are moody (not all at the same time).
I just sit down get some paper and crayons and start drawing. They usually sit down and either tell me what to draw or ask what I'm going to draw.
I just smile because I was such a moody little madam I know where they get it from! It's an age thing which will be grown out of eventually don't take it to heart.

nanou it’s a phase. So many of them do it. Testing to see how far they can go. Most children go through a phase of thinking it’s fun to call people stinky, or smelly or poo whatever. I would ignore it. The less attention you give her when she does this the better. It will pass.

If she is rude and offensive, just ignore her and make it clear you are taking no notice of her. Fail to notice her presence, talk to others as if she is not there.

My DD was very rude to her grandmother, once. My MiL with 30 years experience of teaching 5 year olds, just turned to me and said. 'Please tell X, that I am not speaking to her again until she apologises for what she just said, and that is exactly what she did for the rest of the day, completely ignored DD. My MiL was staying with us and the next morning DD crept into her bedroom and apologised and all was forgiven and forgotten.

Not wanting to be kissed -fair enough!

But name calling and rudeness ...I suggest you say very calmly "That is very rude and hurtful. I will not tolerate that behaviour!" Then just ignore and don't engage.

OP

It is normal, she is 5!

I would read a bit about child development phases and adjust to them - you wont always have her adoration and full attention

As she's 5, has she just started school? Or moved from reception up to year 1?
I find it's quite common for children to pick up all sorts of behaviours from the other pupils, then try them out at home for the shock factor.
Try asking her if that's what she says to her teacher, I'd guess the answer is "no."

How do you spoil her?

Don't ask for a kiss if she's said she doesn't like it, it's not compulsory for her to oblige you if she prefers not to.

All totally normal - of the five younger grandchildren - they have all had a turn at being rude, ignorant, throwing tantrums, picking fights with their cousins or siblings as well as being absolute angels!!
Possibly the worst is middle child of the threesome - he kicked off with his Mum in the street when she was dropping them off for breakfast before school. He carried on with his Grandad who just told him straight to pack it in!!
We have the rep amongst the GCS for being not being the strictest but we won't suffer fools gladly. He may just been have hangry!! Once he had his breakfast he was really a different child! lol!!
But they all have their moments - interesting to see how their personalities emulate their parents lol!!

It is nothing to do with 'this new way of education' and everything to do with too tolerant parents. She is being rude because she is allowed to get away with it. Say quietly 'that is rude and please don't speak to me like that again', don't attempt to spoil her and give her the minimum attention without making an issue of it.

Thank you all for your kind answers. I find them helpful to get other women's POVs

Just be yourself with her. She's 5. They go through phases throughout their lives. Even adults.

Don't go in for a kiss. I've not kissed my grandsons for years but we get on exceedingly well now.

Things will work out in the end.

I remember well the horror of 'Give Auntie a kiss goodbye!' - and the approaching wrinkly face, complete with peach fuzz and red lipstick. I would feel physically sick (not helped by my perfume allergy) but comply - as I was brought up to be obedient and only speak when spoken to.

Please - just let a five year old be her normal, natural self - be that sulky, cheeky or even a bit naughty - as she'll soon grow out of it!

One of my DGSs aged 9, although a lovely funny boy, always sticks his tongue out in photos. On Friday he is having his school photo taken, that will be a challenge to the Photographer 😉

I agree her parents should make it clear that her behaviour is disrespectful and rude. However I think your response to her behaviour is important too. When unacceptable behaviour starts turn your back immediately and walk away from her.
If you react in any other way you are rewarding her behaviour - giving her exactly what she wants!!
In her defence she is only 5 years old!! and is doing it because she can .
However I feel you should respect her wish not to be kissed! My GD was the same. I have a clear memory of being expected to kiss an elderly great aunt, the thought still gives me the shivers!!! Relax and don't retaliate. It will pass - good luck.

My step-grandson refused kissing or hugs. So I told him it was rude to just ignore people and taught him how to shake hands properly. He accepted that, and used it with other people too.

Spoiling her probably won't help as children need healthy boundaries to learn respect.

Calling you silly names and poking her tongue out is very minor and easily ignored.

Reward good behaviour instead.

It's never too early to teach children about consent. We shouldn't be kissing or hugging children who don't want to be kissed or hugged as this sends the wrong message. Teach her she is in charge of her own body by asking for a hug, respecting if she says no and not showing any negative emotion. Showing negative emotion will teach her she is responsible for others feelings if she has contol of her own body which is not a good lesson either.

Kissing really isn't necessary with grandchildren and only spreads germs easily.

Doodle

nanou it’s a phase. So many of them do it. Testing to see how far they can go. Most children go through a phase of thinking it’s fun to call people stinky, or smelly or poo whatever. I would ignore it. The less attention you give her when she does this the better. It will pass.

Agree - my GS is 5 and going through that stage where everything is 'poo' or 'stinky' or similar. He thinks it's hilarious. I just ignore him or tell him that's not a nice way to speak about people. As you say, it's a phase and it will pass.

It sounds like attention-seeking plus a growing awareness of independence.
I hope you can react in a loving -not smothering- way and not show any hurt.
My 3 year old grandson is quite shy and it was an achievement recently for him to let me read to him (instead of mummy) but when they left I went to give him a kiss and he shook his head and cried “No duddle ” (cuddle) - fair enough, he got a tickle instead which made him giggle and we parted on the best of terms.

Ignore the negative, reinforce the positive, don’t be hurt -and definitely don’t show it.
It’s a phase.