Grandkids ignore us when other grandparents are around

My DGDs have a special bond with their other grandma. She spent a lot of time with them and they get on well. Having said that I know they love me and DH. We have had great times together. Most importantly don’t show it gets to you. It’s hard I know bu they are young. In 6 months or a year things could be completely different. When you have the boys in your own make sure they have fun and a good time and just enjoy their company then. It would be a shame to make life difficult for your DD who obviously feels your hurt but can’t talky do anything about it. Try and not to worry about it. From someone whose grandchildren are now almost adult, trust me things change. Be good caring grandparents and play with them, give them love and support them and they will remember that not whose knee they sat on one Christmas.

taking things personal that little children do or say is opening yourself up to the threshold of hell

Stop the double meetings, It’s not a competition, if you go at separate times then the kids get the best of both worlds and you won’t see what happens to get upset about
I really really fail to understand why you all formally go together you say you all live within reach so why not stagger it so there’s absolutely no competition
I think the older child is picking up on your discomfort and feels more at ease with the other gran especially if the mum has told him to be nice to you, the three year old will follow his sibling of course
I don’t understand why it’s sad to visit separately
I think you’re making too much of it relax and enjoy them separately

I think the best advice is not to take it personally and don't react negatively as it's really common with children of this age. It happens to parents really frequently as well when the children suddenly develop a preference for one parent. It's just a phase.

Lathyrus

Although we all like the thought of “one big family” it’s a bit of an illusion. Making sure that everyone feels included in a large social setting is something that even adults find difficult. Little children don’t have those social skills at all.

If they enjoy time with you when the other grandparents aren’t around then they do have a good relationship with you so make that grandchildren time.

And then make the big get-togethers lovely quality time with your adult child when neither of you have to be distracted by little ones.

I so agree with this. We know they do love you when the. other GP aren't there,

We cannot really know "why" - it could all change in 2 years

Dont go on hurting yourselves, its kinder xx

It does occur to me that if you and your daughter sit down in the kitchen to have a chin wag, pretty soon you’ll find the grandkids will come through to see what’s going on!

At the moment they’ve got four grandparents eager for their attention. No wonder they feel they can pick and choose.

They’re very little. Keeping score and jealousy won’t do you a moment of favour. Let it be. Kids go through people jags as easily as food jags. It’s not personal, unless you make it so. Your reaction will absolutely influence how things continue.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AussieGran59

Sone unbelievable responses here. Tzumama2, ignore them.

Really ? Some excellent advice I thought

What do you think, AussieGran59, just curious, whats best for Tzumama2?

Thanks to all for your comments.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I’m sure it will change in the future. My kids were always changing (outward) preference between grandparents & parents come to that when growing up. We’d just refer to someone being flavour of the month. Perhaps the other grandparents have comfier laps or are easier to climb on.

I don't know if this will help, but I'm invisible to my small grandchildren in a group situation when my ex and his girlfriend are there. They both have big personalities and I'm quieter and also don't like big gatherings. It used to feel strange at first, but I know that the little ones adore it at my place where they can mess around with art stuff and make that awful slime stuff. I think they are equally as close to all their grandparents but for some reason I'm not so appealing when the others are there. I don't take it personally; they're only 5 and 7.

Regardless of the children's parents being DS and DIL or DD and SIL to the OP the practice of a 5 yr old sitting on anyones knee to eat a meal is ridiculous and of course the 3 yr old will copy, its what children do.
The parents need to step in and put a halt to that as they are simply feeding what is an unpleasant situation for the OP.
I do agree though that children are receptive to facial expressions so when the child sits with the other GP just ignore the situation.
Grandparenting isn't a competition, it is a privilege.

I had this situation with my sons kids and to be honest we just let them do their own thing and now all is well and they are fine with us. To be honest it’s rather lovely to sit opposite your grandson and watch him sometimes rather than have him on your knee. Be careful what you do as it can have a long term impact on family get togethers. Grandkids are a wonderful gift to grandparents enjoy them while they are young. They grow up far to fast. 2 of ours aged 8 and 11 leave for Australia in 3 weeks and we are broken.

The ‘favourite’ can sometimes be the one who is seen the most and the GC are most familiar with, or it can be the one who isn’t seen as much and is therefore more of a novelty.

If they are ok with you when the other GP’s are not about, I would do what others have suggested, and avoid the joint meet ups.

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What? No she isn't

I am so sorry and hope it’s better now since this thread is old. We must overlook insensitive, cold-hearted comments when we are reaching out for support.

As harsh as it sounds, they're kids (and young kids at that) so it's likely they have their 'favourites' but it doesn't mean they don't love you. The biggest mistake you can make is comparing your relationship with your grandkids to the other grandparents. The relationships are just different. Enjoy the time you get with them and if they prefer to sit with the other grandparents at events where you all attend then, so be it. Would you prefer that the children were 'encouraged' by their parents to sit with you? I wouldn't want any child to be forced to sit with me under duress because, as they grow, so will distance and resentment. Just enjoy whatever you get invited to without the focus being how much attention you get from these really young kids.

Small children are like cats, ignore them and they will be all over you

I can totally understand your hurt feelings. It was the opposite with my husband and I. We looked after our grandchildren every day from them being 6 months old as we had retired, but the other grandparents were a few years younger than us so were still working full time. Until our grandchildren went to school, it was my husband and I looking after them during the week and their other grandparents only seeing them for a few hours at the weekend. But when we had a get together, our grandchildren were always talking to us and asking us to help them with something. We tried our best to bring the other grandparents into the conversation but they didn't seem to know how to interact with the children.

When they started school, we were always the first port of call during the school holidays.

Perhaps your circumstances are different to ours, I think in many cases, a lot of it depends on who the children see more of and what the grandparents do with them when they are in their company.

We baked cakes (which they took home with them), made cards, played games etc. etc. we took them out for the day, to the park or the coast.but the other grandparents could not do this as they were working full time.

I think it is best for the grandparents to see grandchildren separately as my experience is not good and the children find it difficult. In laws and out laws don’t mix well generally 😂