Granny in the corner

I’m 68 and enjoying what I have in my life while I have it.
I know it won’t last forever, any of it. When things change I will adapt and adjust without regrets because I’ve enjoyed the journey so far.

The advantages of not being the local grandmother is that despite being well into teenage, the eldest DGC does GCSEs this year, they still remain close to you and love being with you when you see them.

I've always loved this quote
'a Grandma just is'

MawtheMerrier: I have friends who seem to “live through” their AC and GC , good luck to them, but IMO that way sadness lies because the little ones grow into big ones and while they may love and tolerate Granny, we are not central to their lives.

I agree. Two of my sisters do live through their GC, too late now to change in their 80s, but they do indeed get sad in the corner.

Best, I think, to begin as you mean to go on, not focusing on GC. I still begin each day with that in mind even at 78 years old.

Just had an unexpected message from DGD aged 12+ : “ hi grandma can I hang out with you tonight ? L ( twin brother ) is having a sleepover here and I don’t want to be the only girl.”
With pleasure my lovely !

MawtheMerrier : Rentagram could charge extra for a Gran who can slip between roles at the flick of a slice of lemon (and a top up of gin).

Actually I have thought of the rent-a-gran idea as well. For all those young families living apart from their parents, or older women wanting a connection with young families it would be such a great way to connect. There is a 'volunteer grandparent' society in one city in our province, but the trend has not gone province-wide.

I often thought of my daughter who lives away from us in a city where she has good friends, but no relatives. Two sets of grandparents (including us) visit a few times a year, but the value of having nearby grandparents is good for the children and the adults.

MawtheMerrier, I seem to have adjusted very well to being in the background, in the corner. We make major adaptations (well, most of us) through all the phases of our lives - and that's how it should be.

My friend (the obsessive one) was madly in love with her husband. Everything she did was for him, he was adored, worshipped and waited upon. It was pathetic and painful to witness.

When the kids came along - all that was transferred to them and he always looked sad. |She never relaxed the apron strings, was overly involved, needed to be needed, resisted their independence and grieved when they flew the nest (asap).

With the grandkids, of course, the same smothering involvement, a life lived entirely for them. When they became teenagers - she had the inevitable breakdown!

if I became 'geanny in the corner', I doubt that I would notice, I have so many other interests that I was pursuing, I would be glad of the extra time for them.

Sometimes it's a relief to sit in the corner with a especially in their houses and our offers to help are declined 🙂

Hetty58

MawtheMerrier, I seem to have adjusted very well to being in the background, in the corner. We make major adaptations (well, most of us) through all the phases of our lives - and that's how it should be.

My friend (the obsessive one) was madly in love with her husband. Everything she did was for him, he was adored, worshipped and waited upon. It was pathetic and painful to witness.

When the kids came along - all that was transferred to them and he always looked sad. |She never relaxed the apron strings, was overly involved, needed to be needed, resisted their independence and grieved when they flew the nest (asap).

With the grandkids, of course, the same smothering involvement, a life lived entirely for them. When they became teenagers - she had the inevitable breakdown!

Your friend is either my sister or her exact duplicate. Sad.

I’ve just found this (again) and it is a very sweet picture of what a granny is.
In the corner or not - I think this is the granny I actually want to be.

😄

I want to be that Granny!

I want to be a Granny who listens but not one who interferes.
I do try.

As awkward as ever, me, that is the grandma, I do not want to be, bits of it, yes, But all, or even most of it, no.

I agree with M0nica, I’d like to keep my own teeth if possible, and I think my underwear is fairly average.

MawtheMerrier

I’ve just found this (again) and it is a very sweet picture of what a granny is.
In the corner or not - I think this is the granny I actually want to be.

Indeed "Grannies - only grown-ups who have time for you."

When I'm with GC I do focus more to them than my daughters seem to, but I haven't as much to do either. Different relationship. I'm one who walks with children and dogs, enjoys cooking, and reads books over and over.

Unclear why grannie wouldn't have cute knickers - I do.

Why are only talking about very young grandchildren? They a lot of years between an under 5 and an over 15

M0nica

Why are only talking about very young grandchildren? They a lot of years between an under 5 and an over 15

I wasn’t aware that we were.
My grandchildren range from 12 1/2 to 16 months.

fluttERBY123

Oh, I have been looking forward to being granny in the corner for years, best seat in best corner, obv. GC do grow up and become more distant it's the way of the world. How nice to sit and throw in.the odd comment and know they know more than you now about the world today. And if you're lucky and they are independent and trouble free (some hopes) you can sit and enjoy being brought cups of tea.

Never mind the☕️ I’d want my 🍷topped up!

Every time I sneak off to the corner somebody finds me a job. 🤔

MawtheMerrier, you may not, but a lot of people are.

Well @ M0nica, we can redress that balance can’t we?

I meet up now and again with a small group of friends.

I am now beginning to feel a bit like ‘friend in the corner’, as my youngest GC is 15, whereas the others have much younger GC. In fact, two of them have new GC in just the last few days.

At our gatherings, out come the phones and the numerous pictures, plus the inevitable chat about feeding, cuddles, milestones etc.

Don’t mean to sound a grouch, but I used to make a point of not saying much about any of mine unless asked, as I was the only one with GC, and I didn’t want to bore them.

So I sit there, definitely ‘GITC’ but for a different reason.

No one very interested in the doings of older GC when there are babies to be oohed and aahd over, which is to be expected.

My DGC are 12 and 15 and I have seen no diminution in their desire to visit us. The whole family come and stay for a week every school holiday, both parents are academics. and we go north around half term.

We are a family who talk and discuss things a lot and the older the children are the more they take part. I noticed this Christmas that DGS, now, instead of slipping down from the table after meals to get back to his book, was staying at the table and joining in the discussions and making thoughtful and interesting contributions to the dscussions.

As for carrying photos around, I never have, close friends who know us as a family, and see the DGC now and again, will be shown the occasional photo, but otherwise, not at all.

I go to the GN meet-ups in Oxford and I cannot remember anyone producing photos of grandchildren at any meet-up. We had other things to talk about.

Callistemon I am much more interested to hear what people's older grandchildren are doing. Babies are just - well - babies. Older children have interests, skills and achievements.

Merlotgran I am the naughty gran who will also quite happily have my wine 🍷topped up thanks!

My best friend doesn’t have grandchildren, I have six and have been through various dramas with them, so we have obviously discussed it, but we have lots of other things to talk about.
I think a long friendship, where we know each other’s children well, is slightly different, hope so anyway, I never get out photos, never have for anyone, but my house is full of them, so they would be hard to miss.