Anxiety before looking after my grandchildren

It’s perfectly natural as they are in your care and not your children. It doesn’t help that everything is done different now compared to when we brought our children up.
Try to plan what you will do when you have your GC keep them occupied and you will be fine. You will probably find when you finely relax you and the GC will enjoy each others company.

I do too. I worry far more about looking after the GC than I ever did about their parents!

I have been fortunate that we have had just a few minor mishaps and all parents have been understanding and even amused by the predicaments. GC like coming to our house because we can focus on them rather than trying to do the household chores at the same time.

I do find it helps to have a plan as Redhead says and a routine. I also have some time during the day when they amuse themselves - I have a coffee and 'do the crossword' - just for a few minutes, but it gives us all a break.
Good luck!

Oh yes me too. I seem to calm down once they get here thank goodness, although if we’re taking them out ,the anxiety starts again, I don’t like driving them around, in case we have an accident so tend not to go far.
AC don’t understand this at all, but I think it’s just that we’re not their parents and it’s a lot of responsibility. Is there anything your especially worried about ?

I always had "What on earth would I say to their parents?" in the back of my mind when my GS's were little. Now they're pretty much self sufficient I'm not so bothered.

I never used to get anxious but now I find I wake in the night with worries of all sorts for example if the family is coming I’m anxious about what to feed them, or what we should do when they’re here! Absolutely ridiculous but it seems to be getting worse. Why is this?

I think it's natural to feel a bit anxious looking after precious GCs. I looked after 2 of my GCs for 3 days a week for 11 years and few of the 'what ifs' happened and when a few minor ones did I coped as I did with my own children.

I wonder if it is age related? I find I have a tendency to catastrophise now when I never did when younger. That, and I'm looking after children who are not mine creates anxiety. I give myself a good talking to and run through the 'what ifs' with questions and answers which seems to help.

Oh gosh. Glad I dont. Though most of mine are still young, and we tend to babysit while kids in bed and parents gone out for the evening.

I make sure, and they do too, that we know all the "rules".
Know what they like to eat etc.
I bought a more up to date first aid book recently.
I have lots of toys available.

I am getting anxious about being asked to look after GC and falling down the stairs with them, I’m hypermobile and my knee has given way on the stairs a few times so carrying a baby downstairs is a big no for me. Thing is this is crazy, there aren’t any GC on the horizon so it’s something that may never happen!

Mine are all grown up now, in spite of my worrying when they were young, they all survived ok. I do recall being very concerned when I was in charge of them, aware of the huge responsibility. There were a few little mishaps but nothing too serious, thank goodness.

I used to get anxious when first looking after baby Gd1 for the day - what if I had a stroke or something when she was in the bath, or was carrying her downstairs? (I was 67 when she was born, so not exactly a spring chicken).

Luckily the anxiety did wear off after a while.

It's normal to feel more anxious about your grandchildren than you did about your own.
We know how precious our granddaughter is to her parents, and when she was younger I was always worried about something happening to her while she was in my care
Fortunately, the worst was a fall on the pavement resulting in a grazed knee.
Now that she is going on eleven, I don't worry so much. (Just a bit).

Thank heavens I have found this thread. I literally wake up at night with thoughts of ‘what ifs’. I look after my DGS 1 day a week, and I love it but I am so anxious leading up to that one day. I’d love to take him into London (he’s not 3 yet) but I’m terrified something will happen.

Thank you so much for starting this thread, I’m so glad I’m not alone in feeling like this.

Please all calm down. The only accident any of my three grandchildren had growing up happened to one of them when they were in the care of their parents and it was way more serious than anything that ever happened to my DC when they were growing up.

While taking them out, I never took my eyes off them for a second. It was tricky when the twin boys were young in the park, beach or shopping. One would go one way and the other in the opposite direction. But we coped and they survived.

It doesn't help when someone says please calm down. It's more challenging when your mind races ahead and creates the catastrophe. The OP was looking for ideas and support. Telling her and others to 'calm down' isn't being supportive. I hope that you have received ideas here OP

Witzend

I used to get anxious when first looking after baby Gd1 for the day - what if I had a stroke or something when she was in the bath, or was carrying her downstairs? (I was 67 when she was born, so not exactly a spring chicken).

Luckily the anxiety did wear off after a while.

Yes, I understand this feeling as it has often crossed my mind when looking after my twin grandsons what would happen if something happened to me!

When they were babies I never carried both of them together in case I fell and even now I have to watch out for toys tripping me up.

It is such a big responsibility . Both of them were flinging themselves about on the sofa yesterday, both giggling and having fun but I was a nervous wreck in case they missed the sofa and landed on the tiled floor.

I’ve got them from this afternoon until Saturday while their mum is abroad so wish me luck!😄

Imarocker

Please all calm down. The only accident any of my three grandchildren had growing up happened to one of them when they were in the care of their parents and it was way more serious than anything that ever happened to my DC when they were growing up.

It's worse when they're your DGC, though, because they're your responsibility when you are looking after them but they're not your children.

I think part of it is age related. We know we aren't naturally quite as agile, strong, quick etc as when we had our own children. It may also point to the fact that as grandparents we’re not really meant/designed to be doing extended childcare. We’ve done that a long time ago and perhaps our natural role at this stage is to relax and enjoy the grandchildren rather than step back into a parental role!

Wow Linnypie - I couldn’t believe it when your comment came up - I’m so so happy you’ve put this post up - I’ve been having a few anxiety issues lately with menopause and hormone changes and since then I’ve had so much anxiety about having to look after my grandson one day a week - I start feeling awful before I pick him up thinking how am I going to manage for the whole day - what if I faint or am ill - I feel absolutely ridiculous thinking this way because he’s always absolutely fine - think it maybe an age thing and it’s definitely much harder looking after someone else child

Oh yay! Others who feel this too! I’m caring for my 2.5 and 6 month old granddaughters 2-3 days a week and sometimes I feel so anxious while I’m caring for them! I feel guilty if I let the 2 year old watch tv or play on her tablet (because parents have made comments and they try to limit time on devices which I do understand) but sometimes I need a break! I try so hard to keep her busy with other activities and going outside. I love these girls so much but truth be told as much as I love them I don’t really love taking care of very small kids; I wasn’t a fan of this stage with my own. The 2 year old is really sweet and she’s very well behaved and her meltdowns are very short lived so I feel very blessed in that regard. I’m having more fun with her now as she’s more verbal and engaging.
I retired when the oldest was 3 months old and volunteered to do this part time but it’s really hard sometimes and sometimes I’d just rather be somewhere else - there! I said it! 😂

I too used to get so anxious before they actually turned up at our home but once they were here, we were too busy to bother about anything apart from having fun.

When we looked after our grandchildren during the week our children used to tell me what our grandchildren should eat, they told us when they should have a nap, they told us not to get paint and glitter on their clothes etc. etc.

We told our children that what happens at grandmas, stays at grandmas and if they didn't like it they could pay for child care.

We were not stupid, we knew which foods they liked, we changed them into play clothes to keep their own clothes clean but apart from that we had fun. Our children knew our grandchildren had fun with us because they were always asking to visit us.

If children want their parents to look after their grandchildren for free then they keep their noses out because we grandparents are not stupid, we know what our grandchildren like and dislike.

A friend of mine looked after her grandchildren and their parents gave them a list of do's and don'ts, she said it was so stressful keeping to the list. Ridiculous. Unless they have allergies then just let them be children. Or like I said, pay for childcare and I am darned sure they won't do that.

Could have written this myself! Glad it’s not just me. I like to think it’s because we are sensible, caring, realistic, intelligent people and it is a huge responsibility to look after someone else’s child and not always what we want to do in our later years!