Missing grandaughter so much

If he's out of work, why is he only seeing her at a weekend? What's he doing the other 5 days?

Could he not do the school pick ups? After school tea? Have her a few hours after school? Make the most of being out of work and spend some time with her?

What's your relationship like with her mom? You sound like a lovely nan who has a great bond with her.

Has your son been living in a bedsit for 5 years? So for 5 years you've been doing the pick ups and having her stay with you every weekend?

Is your son OK? Does he have a good relationship with her?

You don't mention his relationship with his daughter and how he's feeling?

Mom is obviously counting on that £200 per month. Kids aren't cheap especially with the cost of living atm.

So far so good VS.

Smileless2012

Well if Hithere shows me where she thinks I've misread what she's written, I might understand too.

I hope you have a nice day too

Yes it was totally clear Norah, no need to rewrite or assume that because someone expresses a different point of view they don't understand what you're saying, or misreading.

I agree that nothing (legal) is beneath you, to support your child which includes facilitating contact for that child with their other parent, therefore supporting their emotional well being.

Smileless2012

If I had a D who I believed was being financially wronged, I would not support her decision to stop her child from having contact with their father Norah.

As icanhandthemback rightly says, it's the rights of the child that take precedence in the eyes of the law, not the rights of the parent(s).

I'll re-write so it is totally clear.

I said The important thing, to me, is ensuring GC mum has the finances in place to provide support to said GC.

What I'd think if my daughter were being financially wronged.

We'd pay, she'd have funds to court or mediation. We'd not knowingly put up with our children being financially wronged by their children's dad. We'd make a stand - put money from where we speak. Believers in courts.

I read £7 per week if unemployed, so pay that, don't slack. And get a job, nothing (legal) is beneath you, to support your child.

Well if Hithere shows me where she thinks I've misread what she's written, I might understand too.

I understood Hithere

I don't think I've misread what you've written Hithere. If I have then show me where.

If I had a D who I believed was being financially wronged, I would not support her decision to stop her child from having contact with their father Norah.

As icanhandthemback rightly says, it's the rights of the child that take precedence in the eyes of the law, not the rights of the parent(s).

Again, misreading what I wrote - have a nice day!

It costs money to go back to court Hithere, and if you had any experience of court awarded custody or access battles you would know that without the cooperation of all involved parties, these are difficult to enforce.

I'm not talking about verbal agreements made between the parents, I'm talking about rulings about custody and access made by the courts.

As a family solicitor my brother would have at times been tearing his hair out (if he'd had any left) at the sheer frustration on behalf of his client, the parent being denied contact and when his client was the parent denying access.

He would point out that they were not following the court order, and be given a shoulder shrug in response as they as well as he knew, that the only recourse was for them to be taken back to court.

A parent does not have the legal right to prevent the other parent from having contact with their child because they are behind with or not paying any child support.

They are breaking the law if they do so.

Hithere

However, it is the law that sets up what rights each parent has, not the father or mother alone

The parents rights are not enshrined in law when it comes to access and residency, it is the rights of the child that are focussed upon.

Any GP whose had regular contact with their GC and then has that taken away for whatever reason will be affected.

It seems to me, in the wider picture, 2 weeks is decidedly not an impact to a GP as far as interacting with GC. The important thing, to me, is ensuring GC mum has the finances in place to provide support to said GC.

What I'd think if my daughter were being financially wronged.

A court order, restraining order, will, any kind of legal document is the agreement by law where both parties stand

If a person does not follow it, there is a reason and standards to go back to court and report the infraction

If an agreement is verbal and parties do not agree on same terms, it may become a "he said she said"
We all know how hard is to enforce verbal agreements
Unless a party can heavily provide proof of their side (even then), it just tends to default to what is established by law

If a party or both refuses to involve the law for whatever reason, quarreling is guaranteed for a long time
The child loses in this scenario

Countries have laws for a reason - refusing to know and exercise your rights and set up your own agreement is anarchy

"If a parent is denying contact out of spite/revenge/just to be awkward, are they likely to agree to go to mediation?"
No, probably not an agreement, a guardian may be appointed on the interest of the child

I don't think that anyone including the OP is suggesting that the father's financial support isn't important Norah. What's being discussed is the mother stopping contact between their D and her father.

The main concern is a little girl not being allowed to see her father and her father being prevented from seeing his D. The impact on the GP is secondary but that doesn't mean there isn't any.

Any GP whose had regular contact with their GC and then has that taken away for whatever reason will be affected. Any parent who sees their AC being denied contact with their child is going to be impacted by the effect that has on him/her.

You'd have to be pretty hard hearted not to be affected at all.

But the law is very difficult to enforce when it comes to one parent being denied contact by the other Hithere. What's the parent whose told they can't see their child supposed to do?

Go back to court if they can afford too time and time again because whether you choose to accept it or not, that does happen. Mediation isn't free and is only possible if both parties are in agreement.

If a parent is denying contact out of spite/revenge/just to be awkward, are they likely to agree to go to mediation?

14:36 ditto

No impact to GP, that's just a distraction to the real matter.

The assumption that mum wasn't dependent upon dad's financial support and isn't facing financial ruin bothers me. I'd assume mum had dad's contributions factored into her spending needs/plan. Dad needs to get a job, any job, even several partial jobs to fulfill his very real obligations, no matter mum's resources.

However, it is the law that sets up what rights each parent has, not the father or mother alone

Exactly, Smileless2012.

No it's not necessarily a cop out Hithere. Legal aid to enable a parent to take their ex to court for a custody order has all but disappeared and some just do not have the money without it.

A blanket assumption that this is a father copping out puts the father as the "evil one" when in reality maybe it's the mother who is determined to prevent contact between the child and their father.

Even when there is a custody order, if it is being flouted then the only recourse is a return to court and there are no guarantees that that will improve the situation if a parent is determined to prevent access.

A parent shouldn't have to fight an unreasonable parent for their right to see their child, and their child's right to see them.

A father using the financial reason not to have a custody order for his child is such a cop out

That puts the mother as the "evil one" for playing referee when in reality, it is the father not fighting for his own rights

icanhandthemback

What was clear to you, VS, obviously wasn't clear to me which is why I asked a straight forward question hoping for a straight forward reply. However, I have apologised and I share the same stance about putting the child first and not badmouthing the mother or father but looking for a resolution to the impasse. Whilst I can be open on here about my DIL's behaviour, I remained friendly and encouraged her to find a resolution. Although our parenting attitudes were very different, I always took care to praise her parenting where it was obviously working well. Nobody is all bad and she came with her own back history which influenced her behaviour. Sometimes as a single parent, you can't see the wood for the trees.

I understand and agree