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Birthing partner

(27 Posts)
Foxgloveandroses Sun 28-May-23 17:32:23

Hi everyone, my daughter is expecting her first baby in July, this will be my first grandchild as well.
She has asked if I could be with her for the birth.
Has anyone else had this experience? Any useful tips would be very much appreciated. X

Ilovecheese Sun 28-May-23 17:45:15

Yes I have. The only tip I can give is for you to leave quite soon after the birth so that the parents can be alone with their baby. ( I am assuming that your daughter has a partner)

Foxgloveandroses Sun 28-May-23 18:02:39

Oh yes that's a good one Ilovecheese! Thank you 🙏

Fleur20 Sun 28-May-23 18:11:45

Do some homework on modern childbirth!
Expectations, methods and attitudes have changed in the past few decades.
Ask her what her birth plans are and how she WANTS you to support her.
Read a couple of 'pregnancy' magazines.
Congratulations and good luck!!

LOUISA1523 Sun 28-May-23 18:18:20

I was there when my DDs 2 babies were born...her partner was there with number 1 ...and my DD went straight down to theatre after a 3rd degree her partner asked me to stay with him and baby, til she came back from theatre ( 2 hours later) ...with baby #2 it was just me and DD as it was Christmas day morning and my DD didn't want her DD1 to wake up on Xmas day morning without mummy or her partner stayed home ( his choice) ....that was nice just me and DD to welcome my Christmas day GD ....then her partner And GD1 turned up an hour after the birth and I went home.... you just have to go with the flow really can't predict what will happen.

Joseann Sun 28-May-23 18:19:36

I have, twice for daughter2.
Don't be surprised things don't go to plan, just adapt to the situation and show encouragement. Keep calm and make a few lighthearted jokes.
And I agree, leave the building once done!
The feeling really hits you after the event, I found.

Foxgloveandroses Mon 29-May-23 09:15:01

Thank you everyone, such good advice, much appreciated.

GrannyGravy13 Mon 29-May-23 09:22:27

Yes I was there through both of DD’s labours and births.

Just go with the flow and pack snacks, drinks, phone charger and baby wipes if it’s a long labour and you want to freshen yourself up.

It is an amazing experience that I will cherish for ever.

GagaJo Mon 29-May-23 09:35:25

I was for the birth of my only grandchild. I was very unwilling, because my birth experience was very traumatic, but it was fine. She had an easy birth. Huge placenta!

Bella23 Mon 29-May-23 09:49:15

I wasn't asked thank God. After my own experiences, I didn't want to pass my fears on.
Friends have and they say keep to the top end and keep the platitudes coming and don't interfere unless it is dire.

silverlining48 Mon 29-May-23 10:19:13

I never expected an invitation and didn’t get one so have no advice other than enjoy what must be a really special experience.

Sparklefizz Mon 29-May-23 10:30:44

I was with my daughter for her first baby. It was such a priviledge and as my daughter didn't have a partner, I felt I could be useful and supportive.

The midwife seemed to think my daughter was making a fuss, and made a sarcastic comment saying "That's why it's called labour ... because it's hard work!"

When she left the room, I had a chat with my girl. She has never been someone who makes a fuss (she is not a shouter and screamer like those on TV), so if she said she was in a lot of pain, I believed her. I pressed the button for the midwife who then actually paid some attention, and realised my daughter had very quickly reached the stage of pushing.

As it was my daughter's first baby, she didn't know what to expect, and judging by the midwife's attitude I think she would probably have ended up giving birth alone if I hadn't been there to insist on help.

It was absolutely wonderful to hold my first grandchild minues after birth while the midwife attended to my daughter, and we have a tremendous bond because of that.

When I left my daughter so that she could sleep, I sat in the car park and sobbed with joy.

Granarchist Mon 29-May-23 11:45:56

I agree with other posters. I was there for no 1 baby - I checked with son in law and he was all for it! Once baby safely delivered I crept out and it took them ages to realise I had gone. It was a huge privilege.

ExDancer Mon 29-May-23 12:03:29

I agree, stay at the top end, she doesn't want you peering between her legs saying daft things like "oooh I can see the head". Make sure you know if she has any strong rules over pain relief and be prepared to speak up on her behalf if she seems to be suffering more than necessary.
Remember too, that we don't all need to scream and shout at each 'push' like film stars although she's allowed to make whatever noises she wants to. I have also been told its irritating to be constantly urged to 'breathe', 'in' and 'out' as its totally unnecessary.
Its a wonderful, emotional experience and you'll be exhausted afterwards, plenty of tissues needed. And as someone else said earlier -- don't linger afterwards, she's exhausted and needs rest.
Congratulations and good luck.

downtoearth Mon 29-May-23 12:10:31

My brother and ex SIL had split up,she had another partner with whom she was expecting another child,her 5th, I was her birthing partner of choice. I was down the business end as well the talking end.
A big priviledge to be asked.

My 18 year old daughter,with my first Granchild,as before very much part of the birth,especially as my daughter suffered from epilepsy,another priviledge,on both occasions I left straight after to let both parents bond,but this time I sobbed my heart out in the car with relief and gratitude the waiting was over.

GagaJo Mon 29-May-23 12:14:18

My DD was very lucky to have my DGS in Spain. She had the same midwife, 121 care, throughout her whole labour. I was encouraged to not only look at the 'other end' but to take photographs. Including of the placenta! I have a video my DGS being lifted onto my daughter as he came out.

He loves looking at these photographs now.

We were really lucky to have the girl that delivered him. She was exceptional and very proud of doing her first delivery in English.

BlueBelle Mon 29-May-23 12:34:12

They didn’t do it in my children’s day and I m quite pleased I can’t think of anything worse than taking photos of the other end as you put it gagajo 😂 I guess we re all different
Of course I would if needed but thankfully it was just their partners with them as it should be in my view

When I gave birth it was just me, no husbands or partners allowed in them there days (and to be honest that suited me )

Franbern Mon 05-Jun-23 09:08:41

Not actually with me whilst I gave birth - but with baby No.2 (first daughter), it was a home birth, and as she gave her first cry, the Midwife allowed my parents into the room. Baby was wrapped in a towel and handed to my father, whilst Midwife delivered placenta, etc. '

My lovely, but very unable to show emotions, Dad - babbled away to that baby and the bond between them remained special and strong until his death twenty years later. He loved all his g.children, but she was always his 'special' one.

Nandalot Mon 05-Jun-23 09:52:47

I was my DD’s birthing partner (single mum). It ended up being a caesarean. I was pleased to be there for her. The only anxious moment was when I heard the surgeon say ‘That’s not good’, but in fact everything was fine. I was the first person to hold the babies! We are very close as a family and I think this was a moment we were both happy and lucky to share.

Nandalot Mon 05-Jun-23 09:54:18

Yes, I forgot to say, it was twins, a boy and girl.

Shelflife Mon 05-Jun-23 13:02:19

Haven't witnessed the birth of my GC. It is a great honour to be asked ! I would have liked to have been there.

Foxgloveandroses Tue 13-Jun-23 22:20:18

Thank you everyone I really appreciate you all taking the time to reply to me and for you sharing your experiences 🙏

Mamasperspective Sat 01-Jul-23 04:03:20

Number 1 - ask her what she needs while you are in there.
There will come a point where she just feels she can’t do it and she just needs you to love and reassure her that she can and that she should keep going because she IS strong enough.
Make sure you check on hubby too as this will be a stressful moment on him and he will feel helpless and like there’s nothing he can do. Do your best to make sure he feels involved.
What a lovely moment for you to share! Good luck!

fiorentina51 Sat 01-Jul-23 09:27:56

My DIL and son asked me to be present at the birth of their twin sons. I was stunned but felt honoured.
I did go down the business end at the invitation of the midwife as my son felt happier holding his wife's hand at the crucial moment!
Baby number 1 was delivered without problems and once he was checked over, he was handed to me as baby number 2 was having difficulties. I brought him over to his parents but both were a bit preoccupied with delivering his brother.
Baby number 2 wasn't breathing but the medical team soon got to work and all was well.
Both babies handed to parents then I held DIL's hand whilst she was being stitched.

I tried to keep in the background as much as possible and used my common sense. I disappeared for a cuppa for a while to give them some time alone.
It was a huge privilege.

downtoearth Sat 01-Jul-23 09:55:39

33 years ago today,I had the priveledge of being an active birthing partner for my ex sister in law,it was her 5th baby, the 2nd with her new partner, 9lb 5oz,he was handed to me straight away,as mum had wanted a girl,after 4 boys,she soon rallied and he is the probably the closest to her of all her boys.
An unforgettable experience,he has just recently become a father himself.