Should I provide Childcare??

17Millierose

I have looked after my 5 grandchildren in various days over the years. On my retirement day my daughter announced she was pregnant with her third child. Thank goodness for my husband! We looked after Poppy for 2 days per week as well as taking the other 4 to school and picking up. It was a full time job and really hard work and I couldn't have done it by myself and I was quite fit. Do not sign up for this if you think it will make you unhappy, it's harder than doing a paid job. Go for one day if you can. Good luck xx

Having help as in two people doing it as a couple is the way to go. As a single mom always trying to be both Mom and Dad it drained me over the years. And now as a Grandma, it is dang hard trying to babysit or even think of childcare for very long by myself. Reality check for sure I have had here. Thanks so much.

nonna6

One problem is people are having children so much older
So in turn grandparents so much older

Yes it applies here. My daughter is nearing 40! When I helped my youngest daughter I was 13 years younger!!! Each year you feel more tired...multiply that and grandma needs a nap, kids! LOL!! And may I add, Grandma needs a Butler! At the very least I think we should be able to do the things we have been putting off as caretakers all our lives even if we don't have the same energy!

Or maybe people living way longer than before as well?

One problem is people are having children so much older
So in turn grandparents so much older

I have looked after my 5 grandchildren in various days over the years. On my retirement day my daughter announced she was pregnant with her third child. Thank goodness for my husband! We looked after Poppy for 2 days per week as well as taking the other 4 to school and picking up. It was a full time job and really hard work and I couldn't have done it by myself and I was quite fit. Do not sign up for this if you think it will make you unhappy, it's harder than doing a paid job. Go for one day if you can. Good luck xx

Cumbrian123

Coming in late on this topic but after looking after our 2 aged 2 and 3 , adorable gc for 2 weeks on our own, full time- No please don’t do it to yourself.
There’s a very good reason old women don’t have children- we haven’t got the required energy needed .
As I always say to my daughter,
“I never had the pleasure of making them” absolutely no one helped me and my husband with any childcare, we sorted it ourselves.
I work part time, husband has multiple health issues, 2 lively toddlers- don’t do it !!

]Thank you for your outlook. It made me look back to when I had my babies. I had help when I took care of them. A very responsible teenager that lived across the street would come over often to help out. I needed to be reminded that I didn't do it alone for 8 hours a day on any given day, at least not most! I realize now I would be a wreck. I don't think I could endure 8 hours for 3 days a week without a helper. My parents helped out when my kids were young, but they worked as a team and it was only occasionally. When it was for a few days or during vacations when they were older, my parents were much younger than I am now. Thanks for sharing!

Coming in late on this topic but after looking after our 2 aged 2 and 3 , adorable gc for 2 weeks on our own, full time- No please don’t do it to yourself.
There’s a very good reason old women don’t have children- we haven’t got the required energy needed .
As I always say to my daughter,
“I never had the pleasure of making them” absolutely no one helped me and my husband with any childcare, we sorted it ourselves.
I work part time, husband has multiple health issues, 2 lively toddlers- don’t do it !!

Rosie 1959, LouLou 23 & OopsaDaisy 1,

Firstly, I am in total agreement with Lou Lou and Daisy.

This is really asking too too much. What about the Mother in Law ?

I would explain your health situation and the fact that you are employed and happy with your part time job and that it is would be quite stressful for you at your stage in life considering your health is not 100%.

Good luck ..

I wouldn’t have dreamt of asking my parents to look after my children for more than the very occasional evening. It’s not their job - it was mine and my husband’s. I live too far from my grandchildren to have been asked to care for them.

I stayed at home with mine, and we put up with living on one income. My grandchildren had a proper paid nanny who became a real family friend.

MadeInYorkshire

No!

I have fibromyalgia, and a multitude of other medical diseases and syndromes, and would love to do more with my grandchildren, but you will find it too much. Stick with your little job as long as possible, as it gives you some social contact, which I miss dreadfully ....

I had my 2 the other evening, I was shattered when they left!

I definitely would say it will be too much for you ....

Thanks for the reality check! Fibro is so unpredictable and enough by itself without arthritis etc!!!

cc

Nana4

The jury is out and unanimous! DON’T do it came out loud and clear. Of course you are flattered your daughter thinks you are to be trusted with her baby with all the experience you have acquired. But with all that experience comes ages, illness, tiredness and that is the stark reality. Just wondering, are sick babies allowed in daycares? If no, there is another problem for the parents. Stay strong! That’s the hard bit. Wishing you well. C xx

No, a sick child isn't usually allowed in a nursery. If they actually vomit they have to stay at home for 48 hours at my grandson's nursery.

LOL, my daughter told me I could watch the baby when its sick and not allowed in the nursery. I don't want to get sick!!! Gosh the thinking is incredible. I don't want to watch a sick child and get sick myself and not be able to do what I need to do! My immune system is not the best with the Fibro and other goodies I have to manage. Thanks for bringing that up! Sure helps talking about it!

Cossy

LouLou23 Just to put your mind at rest I have four grown up children, all went to paid childcare from a very early age, all were fine, social, and slightly ahead when starting “real” school x

That is good to know. I stayed home with mine with the mindset that it was an investment I was making. That said they had lots of time with others watching them too. It's great to hear your kids did well and are happy. I seems it most likely comes down to ones investment as a Mom and making sure to make their kids a priority. That as a foundation and the rest is really so circumstantial depending on a woman's situation. We all do what we can, don't we :-)

We did this for three days a week in our 70s and although we loved being with our first granddaughter it really wore us out. In your circumstances, with the best will in the world I think you have got to decline or offer one day a week. When baby becomes a toddler it will be harder and the stress will not be fair to you or to the child. I know it is such a difficult decision but look four years ahead. It won't get easier.

Your daughters baby is the responsibility of your daughter and her husband, not you, so don’t succumb to emotional blackmail or feel any guilt that this is far too much fir you to contemplate. If you were 10 years younger and fit and well, it would be a different story, but such a young baby is a great deal of very hard work, both physically and emotionally. Does your daughter even know of your health problems?

It’s exhausting looking after little ones. You can’t take your eyes off them
a moment. Not fair of your daughter to expect so much from you. Perhaps offer adhoc and evening babysitting.

I do 1.5 days a week and I love looking after my GS but I am 72 and it exhausts me! Set the understanding up
along the lines that your daughter must have Plan B if you cannot help and 4 days will leave you reeling. You can say no to 4 days.

This is far too much. Just one or at a push two days
I am 70 and I thankfully only have to do school pick ups two afternoons and that's more than enough. You have to look after yourself!!! Xx

I cared for my grandsons for 2 days a week from the oldest (now 51/2) being 10 months old. It did involve a challenging amount of travel and eventually it got to be too much and earlier this year I had to ask my daughter to make alternative arrangements for her 18months old toddler and the after school care for his older brother. At the time I felt awful, but now having picked up more paid hours in my job and claiming back my days am so relieved that I spoke up when I did.
It’s such a big commitment that I wouldn’t offer again but I do value the relationship that I’ve been able to build with the boys and am still available to help cover in the school holidays.

No!

I have fibromyalgia, and a multitude of other medical diseases and syndromes, and would love to do more with my grandchildren, but you will find it too much. Stick with your little job as long as possible, as it gives you some social contact, which I miss dreadfully ....

I had my 2 the other evening, I was shattered when they left!

I definitely would say it will be too much for you ....

I’ve only ever looked after two of my grandchildren occasionally however as they live 450 miles away it was full on for about one or two weeks at a time.Covering for the nanny’s holidays. I loved it but needed a holiday afterwards to recover. It was the early starts in the mornings that was so difficult as they were awake from 6am. They are now 10 and 8 and it is much easier. Not up just so early and they are at school. I’d think very carefully given your situation before committing to an arrangement that really will not be good for your health. Enjoy your new grandchild.

In your position I would
have to decline this invitation as even with age and health on your side this is a
massive commitment. Good luck with everything.

Nana4

The jury is out and unanimous! DON’T do it came out loud and clear. Of course you are flattered your daughter thinks you are to be trusted with her baby with all the experience you have acquired. But with all that experience comes ages, illness, tiredness and that is the stark reality. Just wondering, are sick babies allowed in daycares? If no, there is another problem for the parents. Stay strong! That’s the hard bit. Wishing you well. C xx

No, a sick child isn't usually allowed in a nursery. If they actually vomit they have to stay at home for 48 hours at my grandson's nursery.

The jury is out and unanimous! DON’T do it came out loud and clear. Of course you are flattered your daughter thinks you are to be trusted with her baby with all the experience you have acquired. But with all that experience comes ages, illness, tiredness and that is the stark reality. Just wondering, are sick babies allowed in daycares? If no, there is another problem for the parents. Stay strong! That’s the hard bit. Wishing you well. C xx

l echo what others say, i have health problems i offered 1 day a week looking after my grandson, it wipes me out the day after. when we are torn over a decision it exhausts us more so be careful. Next year from april the gov offers 15 hours free childcare, sept 25 30 hours a week.I am flexible as to if i decide to stop doing it, i would say they thrive as much at a montoressi nursery, i wonder whether i have the energy to stimulate as i would like, and is it good for my gs? We are not responsible for bringing our gc up we did it once with our own children.Some grandparents have nothing to do with with looking after gc! we do it because we care, or do we care too much?

KatyBlue

I’m in a similar situation. But Amy daughter needs about 20 hours a week in a flexible arrangement. No money ( we’re ok financially). My husband is disabled and I’m worried I’ll be stretched too far caring for multiple generations. I agreed but I’m worried sick that I’ll let them down. 🫤

It's tough if your husband is disabled as you really can't offer such a flexible arrangement and still keep everything going. I really think that our children should sort out proper childcare rather than expect us to pick up the slack. Some of those who have posted on here also are still working themselves, so it is very unrealistic to expect them to take on so much childcare too.
I was a stay-at-home mother until my youngest child was at full-time school (largely because I couldn't earn enough to pay for good childcare) and even after this I struggled with finding and paying for childcare in the holidays. But I'm their mother and never expected someone else to step in and take over my responsibilities.
Some adult children seem to expect their older parents to effectively subsidise them, whilst enabling them to enjoy the fruits of working, i.e. their salaries! Realistically my own children and their partners have found that paying for good childcare absorbed a large proportion of the second salary whilst the children were pre-school, though obviously it should pay dividends in the longer term.