grandchildren and deodorant

Let it go.

My Grandson was smelly ! I told him he had to wash before putting on his clothes . He took it in good part and still visits !
He doesn’t smell now

It's a tricky one, you do not want people at school saying anything however I can understand the parents would be annoyed that you have become involved.

They know that he smells and maybe they nag him to shower and use deodorant, they may feel it is a reflection on them that he doesn’t wash properly.

The majority of teenage boys go through a disgusting stage.

To answer your question: Yes. You are completely out of order.

You gave a suggestion to your son, which could have gone one way or another. So because you clearly didn’t get a rough response, you take a few steps further and start giving directives to your daughter in law. You knew it was wrong before you did it. No validation from gransnet is going to change the fact that you overstepped. Apologize and move on.

Pre-pubescent and pubescent boys often smell. Let the parents deal with the consequences. If you don’t want him at your house being smelly, don’t invite them around. But keep your child rearing tips to yourself unless they are solicited, especially with your daughter in law. Don’t be that mother in law.

Oh indeed they do Theexwife I think at aged 11 it is still quite young to be bothered with lotions and potions but all bodies start puberty at different times and it is most likely those pesky hormones are the culprit.

Mine went from fearce arguments with slightly older sister about who got in the bath first and got to mess about with all those daft water toys for longest ( generally drenching the bathroom but managing to still have a mucky face)
to a phase we called the “Kenny phase” (see Southpark) where we could not get this damned but beloved Parker style coat off his body..even in the house.

I can visualise it still now, he did spend a lot of time outdoors then.
Then secondary school happened and wow! We entered the “Lynx” phase and all that entails😉

pooger24

Our grandson aged 11 has been a bit smelly when he has come round to visit us recently. I told his Dad (our son) and he said he would deal with it.....but he doesn't seem to have done so. Our daughter in law is very touchy.....I have now texted her to suggest that he washes in the morning before putting on the deodorant......am I out of order?

Yes, out of order.

Why would anyone take offence it's not something nasty. A quiet word from gran is better than someone at school.
My Ds and Dil would welcome advice knowing it is well meant.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

Indeed @Hithere

I remember going away with a group of twelve year old boys on a residential trip. The smell in the dorm was overwhelming! .

The problem we had was stopping them spraying aerosol deodorants, they set off the fire alarms!
I think you need to leave it to the parents, but then again children can be quite cruel to each other. It's not an easy one.

You can always tell when a class of year 8 or 9 boys (aged 12-14) has been in a secondary school by the overwhelming smell.
Could you keep some deodorant at your house for when your grandson visits? You could make the point that we all sweat in this hot weather and we don’t want others to comment on an unpleasant smell. Your house, your rules.

When boys hit puberty - they pong !

I'd been told and thought that my friends were exaggerating , but I was shocked at the stench .

My son had showered the night before , but after a day of his lounging around in his pjs watching sport I felt sick when I opened the door of the TV room .

I told him .

His sisters told him and not too sweetly .

But it's difficult for you as a grandparent .

Criticism doesn't go down well -I've found .
Maybe buy him some nice smelly bath products - even so you are treading on thin ice !

Musicgirl

You can always tell when a class of year 8 or 9 boys (aged 12-14) has been in a secondary school by the overwhelming smell.
Could you keep some deodorant at your house for when your grandson visits? You could make the point that we all sweat in this hot weather and we don’t want others to comment on an unpleasant smell. Your house, your rules.

His body his rules. Someone being in your house gives you zero rights to touch them or apply anything on their bodies that they object too. That shouldn’t ever need to be said.

Sometimes it’s our peers opinion that have the most impact on our behaviour but as marydoll says children can be very cruel to one another and as a granny I’d be concerned about how/what they’d say to him ..

Perhaps though that’s just what will happen and your grandson will then understand your intevention was coming from love.

We all want to protect and prevent our loved ones from harm but it’s not always possible.

In my experience all 11 year olds stink, my son went through a phase of not showering my husband once found him sitting on toilet lid while shower running - pretending to us he was showering!! Talking to other parents they were all the same. Also a reluctance to change clothes. Then we had the Lynx years ( not sure which was worse).
I am sure his parents realise and trying to cope the best they can. He will grow out of it.

@lylelyle, where in my post did I say or even imply that the boy should have deodorant physically applied by his grandparents? All I said was that one idea was to keep some deodorant at their house and suggest that he used it. Personally, I would say to him that l had noticed an unpleasant sweaty smell because of the hot weather and had bought some deodorant. I would be grateful if he used it. If he decided not to then there would not be a lot anyone could do. It was one solution to a problem. We were asked for our thoughts and these were mine to be accepted or rejected according to what pooger24 thinks of the idea.

Theexwife

It's a tricky one, you do not want people at school saying anything however I can understand the parents would be annoyed that you have become involved.

They know that he smells and maybe they nag him to shower and use deodorant, they may feel it is a reflection on them that he doesn’t wash properly.

The majority of teenage boys go through a disgusting stage.

It is a reflection on them if their son does not wash properly, you know.

And his school-mates will make remarks, at least the girls will!

Age 11, he probably does not want to listen to his parents, and might be more willing to listen to his gran!

My eldest DGS 13 is inclined to smell and I just tell him nicely he might need a shower as its hot/ he has had PE whatever sometimes I offer to run him a nice bath with his bath stuff and he usually acquiesces. I get him to give me his clothes as soon as he has changed after school and I lay out the fresh clothes ready. If you have a good relationship with him can you not have a gentle chat with him rather than dragging his parents into it, these things sometimes come better from a Grandparent than parents.

More often than not it’s their hair that’s giving off the pong.
At 11 his hormones are starting to rise.

Musicgirl

@lylelyle, where in my post did I say or even imply that the boy should have deodorant physically applied by his grandparents? All I said was that one idea was to keep some deodorant at their house and suggest that he used it. Personally, I would say to him that l had noticed an unpleasant sweaty smell because of the hot weather and had bought some deodorant. I would be grateful if he used it. If he decided not to then there would not be a lot anyone could do. It was one solution to a problem. We were asked for our thoughts and these were mine to be accepted or rejected according to what pooger24 thinks of the idea.

I guess I’m just not understanding how ‘my house my rules’ applies to that. If you were referring to the mere suggestion, fine I suppose. People can’t really restrict what you say in your home. Though, I wouldn’t agree with being so pushy and forceful about it. In your home or not, I don’t think it’s anyone’s place to subvert a parent and go directly to a child.

Afraid you are out of order it’s not your business to be telling your son and when that didn’t work you went to the daughter in law to tell her how and when HER son should wash
oh my oh my broken all the rules there, stay out of it If he stays over your house encourage him to have a shower and you can have sone deodorant at yours, but to tell his mum at what time of day he should wash!!! No wonder she’s touchy
Are you really needing to ask if you are out of order 😂🤣😂

Personally, I would not have got involved. It's quite common for boys to smell less than sweet in early puberty. Their reluctance to do something about it usually ends abruptly when they first discover girls.. who are quick to comment adversely on the accompanying miasma. Such reflections have triggered my own memories of teenage boyfriends back in the 60's, when Old Spice or 4711 Cologne were among the few anti-pong mixtures available, and Lifebuoy soap played on its deodorant qualities. Was that really 60 years ago? Good grief...

There’s nothing like a female twin sister to deal with this problem 🤣 as my grandson found out!

Or …. One could try writing B O in the steamed up bathroom mirror NanaDana (that was the commercial) subtle it was not!