grandchildren and deodorant

Alex52

Of course you were right to mention it. Do they want their child ridiculed at school. I didn't need to mention it to my daughter with her 11yr old son, she just went out and brought him body sprays and I keep some here when he stays and he carries one in his bag when he has PE.Why should you have to watch what you say, you don't want people avoiding him at school, maybe son and daughter need a reality check.

Or maybe they are already on top of it and the child is refusing to follow their suggestions?

Why do so many assume the parents are ignoring any problem and that only granny can fix it?

It’s more likely that the parents just don’t share all parenting decisions with the grandparents!

If he is 11, he is old enough to be told (gently) that his newly emerging manliness comes with some hygiene needs. Better that he hears it from you, than the kids in his class.

When my boys were at primary school they had a session to cover this subject in advance. I remember my son coming home from school and telling me that I had to buy him some smellies because Mrs H had said so!
What Mrs H said had to be obeyed.

Nit your problem. Definitely out of order.

Having worked with this age group in a school for over 30 years, it would be much nicer for gran to give a gentle prod than for him to suffer snide remarks from his peers.

Oh my goodness Lynx. My son would bathe, then apply half a can of Lynx. I had to suggest to him that he apply his Lynx in his bedroom because it was triggering my asthma when he sprayed it on in the bathroom!

And the black puffer jacket on during a boiling August day going out for lunch. He felt safer in it he said.
Once we were all going out and I insisted puffer jacket off before we went. He re-emerged revealing he had had a fleece lined check shirt on underneath!
Poor things they grow so fast at that age - and are a bit pongy.

I don't think it's out of order at all. You could phrase it to be helpful, giving him advance warning that girls will be impressed if he smells lovely and freshly washed.

Can it not be done through gentle persuasion with say an advert that comes up on TV or gran says to husband 'There are some very modern deodorants around nowadays that smell fab. Wish they had them in my day when the boys at school used to smell after football. ' I used to work with a bloke of 23 and he really did smell. The girls in the office bought him some Boots stuff for his birthday and he never smelt again.

I remember this exact problem with my DS but he soon became body (or girl) conscious and showered regularly, followed by the inevitable application of one of the Lynx sprays!

My DGS2, despite being physically immature in Y6, needed to use deodorant from the age of 10. Luckily, his parents insisted on a morning shower then deodorant, not least because he is not a morning person and it helped to wake him up! A keen participant in sport, he often showers again later in the day, too.

No doubt your DS and DiL will recognise that your advice was borne of love and concern, rather than an implied criticism of their parenting skills. You can’t “unsay” what has been said or texted so try not to dwell on it.

I explained to my DGS 12 the importance of showering and using deodorant recently. I said when I was his age I kept well away from boys who smelt. I regularly mention hygiene. My advice works some of the time.

We will be looking after our 2 grandsons for 10 days from next week and I make sure I clip their nails and clean them. My son who they live with 50% of the time just doesn’t have time to do everything. They never object.

I think it’s hilarious that people assume this couple doesn’t shower their child just because he has body odor. As if showers beat pre-pubescent hormones and sweat in a typical active boy this age. Hate to break it to all the savior grannies, but kids this age are going to smell. The pushy, know-it alls who think they have a right to overrule and teach others how to parent are precisely the type of obnoxious grans kid end up avoiding eventually. It is not your place to parent others’ children. Continually addressing issues that the parents have repeatedly been kind enough to ignore you about will lead to them being put off by you, spending less time. Then there will no doubt be more daughter in law bashing threads because you don’t have the self-awareness to know when to back off. You parented your children already. Stop being so pushy.

Lylelyle

Fully agree

This perception that some parents have no idea what they are doing and they need to be corrected is a recipe for disaster

Judging from the responses here, it seems very much to depend on the relationship you have with your GC's parents and their personalities as to whether or not you feel comfortable offering advice or giving an opinion.

Must be a nightmare having to think before you say anything at all in. My mum, GM and m.i.l. would give unasked for 'advice' when our boys were little which was simply ignored if not agreed with.

No big deal.

Our daughter in law is very touchy.....I have now texted her to suggest that he washes in the morning before putting on the deodorant - blimey - I'd be touchy if I had a MIL who did that!!

You need to b**t out!!!!

I would have just bought him some deodorant to use at my house - that's all. Sometimes, it's a problem with washing not being really 'clean' at all.

When my friend's son stayed, his t-shirts (even 'clean' ones) all had stiff, starchy areas in the armpit region. Maybe it's a mixture of sweat, fabric conditioner and deodorant - or the result of a quick wash? I soaked them overnight in white vinegar before washing them.

My boys both had smelly feet, socks and trainers, until they started using anti-perspirant. Oh, the joys of teenagers!

I like being considerate of my family. I’ve never found it nightmarish to think about my loved one’s feelings before I speak. I care more about harmonious family relations than my ego. I don’t think it’s hard to fight the urge to dictate to my adult offspring how to parent. It’s just about respect. But I get it. Some people need to feel in control of others.

This is definitely a parent issue that should be handled according to the individual child's needs

I just explain to mine that they have reached an age that they need extra hygiene and then ask them what deodorant they would like. I then regularly check if they need anything when I do the shopping

If grandparents, without my knowledge, decided to have this talk with my child I'd be annoyed. I'd also be annoyed if they then began nagging about it to my husband then myself.

It's actually quite rude telling people they smell bad and should be handled delicately. Especially when the teen may actually have good hygiene and just be hot or hormonal, so they can't help it anyway.

Oh, the joys of teenagers! yes Hetty it brings back memories doesn't it.

I'm a bit on your side, my grandson smells & luckily it's my daughters son so we talk easily nicely about it. He's getting better.
If I had to speak to my DIL it would be a no no, she's not so kind.
Then there's my Step Son ! He's 18 next Month & absolutely reaks with smelly dirty clothes. He doesn't give 2 hoots about it. It's very offensive and has been for years. My OH his Dad gets him to have a shower when he comes to stay, but he doesn't shower properly & still smells afterwards & puts smelly clothes back on. His Dad is a lovely man and tries to be on his sons level to no avail. I just think the lad is one of these smelly people we avoid or repell to if we go near them, he just really doesn't care.

I don’t think you’re out of order OP.

Maybe the young lad doesn’t know how to wash under his arms with shower gel /soap.

I had two GDs staying last summer and one of them absolutely stank - turns it she was just standing in the shower and not washing herself under her arms at all.

I “popped” into the bathroom when she was there with a towel for her and reminded her to use shower gel under her arms.

Lads need to know how to do this too.

The armpit should be dry before antiperspirant is applied.

If the smell is really bad, you might suggest shaving his pits to his parents and using hand sanitizer as a last resort.

He also might have an allergy to dairy products. If he drinks a lot of milk, it might be time to wean him off it.

Japanese people consume no dairy at all and are well known for having no body odour at all.
They also have a shower and bath everyday.

It’s good manners not to be stinky. Your grandson needs to know that he has to make it in the real world with people who don’t necessarily think he’s cute. Not being smelly is part of socialisation.

You might emphasise that with him.

I’d not mention it to his parents anymore… just show him directly how to wash his pits and bits when he’s staying with you.
He’ll thank you later.