Husband doesn't want me to look after grandchild once a week

How can you gransnetter advise OP puts a grandchild before her commitments to her husband, to me this is totally barmy. It is not the OP's child she has no commitment to the baby at this stage and can agree with her daughter when to have access that suits the whole family including her husband. If she was employed she couldn't change her hours of work to look after a grandchild unless new contract was agreed. No one knows enough about the business and their financial situation to even give advice on such a sensitive issue. I would like to know how OP would feel if her husband decided to stop working one day a week to look after his grand child. If they work together that is what they do, offering to work alone on a weekend does not have the same impact and why should OP's husband have to change his working days to suit. Sorry but I cannot agree with the general. advise given here.

Su51nan you haven't explained to us whether you've actually been asked to baby-sit for a whole day or whether this is your idea. Is the mother returning to work and needs you - or do you just like the thought of having the baby to yourself for a whole day?
If you were in full time employment with someone else - what would you have done?
Could you meet DH halfway and look after her for an afternoon?

There’s nothing at all in OPs post about her directly benefitting financially, nor that her input in crucial nor indeed to the fact that her husband actually does this work for a living and it’s his main income ! They could both be retired and renovating as a “hobby”

Too little info here about their financial status to judge this side of things or that they actually have any “contractual obligations”, sorry to argue with those using their “business heads” but any normal Mum whose daughter has produced their first grandchild would be over the moon to have the chance to babysit once a week and it seems so important to OP, and I understand why, even if some of you don’t. She’s willing to make up the hours and I very much doubt she’s labouring and all the contact with contractors etc can easily be done on the other four days and in fact she could be available to take emergency phone calls even on the childcare day.

TBH I’m staggered that some of you are “blaming” the OP for her sad situation. This has clearly upset her and is spoiling precious time spent with her first biological grandchild !

He is your husband not your boss. A marriage is about mutual love, respect and total equality and it’s def not all about what he wants. Why would he want to stop you doing something that gives you so much pleasure ? My 2nd husband put me in that position of having to choose between him and my AC, once too often, he’s now an EX. He often said “if I really loved him I’d side with him” my response was, if he really loved me he wouldn’t keep putting me in that position. Because the controlling won’t end there, it never does. Stand your ground.

Sorry but I can’t stand having my DH’s granddaughter once a week but we have to. He made the arrangement 3 years ago, but the grandchild wants me all the time when she comes and I work FT from home. I’m fond of her but once a week all day is too much and very disruptive to my work. Nothing to do with jealousy: I find having her all day very tedious and extremely hard work.

I will have my Grandchild as often as I like, you will never build a bond if not. Do what you want to do not him let him go do the renovation himself . Grandchildren are so precious

Lol, that is NOT the definition of stepford wife

We don't know if the DH draws a salary either. It could well be that he doesn't and presumably both live off the fruits of their labours. There is nothing to suggest that he is mean with money or keeps her poor...that would be coercive behaviour. If the OP can access their money, a salary is not the be all and end all.
I wonder if this was the other way round with DH wanted to take a day out of the working week, whether we would be quite so sympathetic. Only the OP knows how important her role in the company is, we can only make assumptions.
Instead of getting into a power struggle, how about sitting down and discussing how the business can facilitate you enjoying time with your grandchild. Is there a way you can gradually reduce your hours? If you were an employee, your employer would be obliged to consider flexible working hours, has your DH considered this aspect of your request? Have you also considered that if he were your employer he could refuse your request?
If you have no rights in the business to be autonomous, you might want to consider your legal position and get advice too.

tell him to take a hike, nobody owns another, especially in a relationship.do what is good for you.it isn't easy though, its very demanding looking after little ones, i do it one day a week,i need a day to recover!

They had a life together that suited them both. Working together during the week and presumably leisure time at the weekends, as there’s a day available then for working.

Now the OP wants a different life. To spend a day a week doing something else and to spend the weekend working.

That’s a fairly major change in a relationship instigated by just one of the couple.

I can’t help thinking that if it was a poster saying “my husband wants to spend a day a week with his mates and says he won’t be available to do things together at the weekend because he’ll have to catch up with work” the responses might be rather different 🤔

Bad luck to DH !! I have no biological GC but my wonderful step-daughter, whom I’ve know since she was 11 has a 9 year old who calls me Granny and I love him dearly, he’s coming stay for 5 days (he’s 8) and we simply cannot wait !

Your DH is behaving like a spoilt child, just ignore him and suggest very nicely to make himself scarce once a week if he doesn’t wish to build a relationship with DGC and you don’t need to choose, just do it ! Can you look after her at DH home instead ??

Your grandchildren are small for such a short time. You will never get the time you missed back.

Germanshepherdsmum

You don’t give your age or your husband’s, or give any indication of when your current renovation project will be completed or what intentions the two of you have as regards future projects. Will your absence have a big effect on financial viability? You say you have offered to work at the weekend to make up time but that would impact on your time together and the usual things you do at weekends. In other words you have an obligation to your husband both in business and in family terms. It’s easy to see why you want to help with your grandchild but what obligations, financially and otherwise, would you have to give up? I’m afraid I’m a great believer in honouring obligations.

Are you a Stepford wife?!!

He needs his legs slapped and sent to bed without his supper.

He says if you spend more than a few hours a week with gc your life revolves around her I think it's time he grew up and you started to stand up to him babies grow up quickly and if he can't accept you want to enjoy your gc maybe the problem is his

To those who “think like a man” - do you think this is something we should all aspire to? Is something lacking if we think like women?

If "thinking like a woman" is seeing a gc as a blind reason that trumps all - how offensive

She wants to change the agreement they had for 2 years - communication is key between a couple

It is that simple

For some posters, mention gc and all common sense goes out the window

One day a week to help your daughter and above all build a relationship with your gd . I know from experience that time given to this will last your life time. Foot down and just tell him that is what you want to do.

I don't know if I think like a man or a woman. I was told by a man (not related) that I'm a lateral thinker. It might have been meant as an insult 😂
Not all men think similarly, likewise not all women.

Cogito, ergo sum

Germanshepherdsmum

We agree biglouis. I also think like a man. Completion and sale/letting of the current project and whatever is in the pipeline needs to be prioritised. OP may not draw a salary but she may well get a lump sum when a project is sold, or share rental income. To talk of her being a slave and her husband, with whom she is in business, as abusive is sheer nonsense.

This is just the ideal time for them to take on an apprentice.

They could teach the young person all they know about building and renovation and the young person could go to college some days a week to continue their education.
We need more young people to train in these practical skills.

Su51nan could then have her day off with her grandchild, knowing her DH is not struggling on his own without help.

Of course, the apprentice would have to be paid a wage but the firm could be eligible for a Government grant.

When you are renovating properties you have to wait until sale or letting to receive an income. It was OP’s choice to work in the business.

I missed the part that there was no salary for working full time really! Well that just puts more emphasis on the fact that this is a controlling marriage rather than a partnership.
Don’t be seeking his approval to take time to see GC. Just do it stand up for yourself and stop being taken for granted.

It seems to me that many men are not really interested in small children especially if they are not their own. My DH is one of them. I don't think they understand the maternal feelings of women. If my DH didn't see his GC for a year I don't think it would worry him. I absolutely adore my GC and would advise you to be firm and tell your DH you will be looking after the little one and that's what you're doing, no ifs or buts. You will be building wonderful memories.

Someone upthread suggested finishing the current project full time and meanwhile explaining to her husband how much this looking after the grandchild means to the OP.
Explaining your feelings gently but firmly - and slowly getting him on board is better than feet-stamping I think.

Goid luck.

Germanshepherdsmum

We agree biglouis. I also think like a man. Completion and sale/letting of the current project and whatever is in the pipeline needs to be prioritised. OP may not draw a salary but she may well get a lump sum when a project is sold, or share rental income. To talk of her being a slave and her husband, with whom she is in business, as abusive is sheer nonsense.

I’m not sure it’s thinking like a man. I’m a woman and I think like that, so it is thinking like a woman. Just a fairly logical one who would fulfill her commitments before satisfying her own emotions.

And not need approval for my decisions to the extent that I feel someone is being abusive if they don’t affirm what I want.

That’s the crux of the post really. The OP wants his approval.