Husband doesn't want me to look after grandchild once a week

If you believe a marriage has a dominant partner and that's normal

I think you have only proven me right Lathyrus

Well that’s the thing. Most dominant partners think the marriage is equal.

It’s the other partner who knows it isn’t.

But mostly they’re afraid to challenge it.

That’s the way it works.

Sounds like that’s the way O/P is realising… and this issue has brought it up. Hence the last sentence, which has to relate to far more than the one example.

Lathyrus, you told the OP her relationship is doomed, because she wants to spend time with her grandchild! How helpful do you think that is likely to be?

Most marriages are much stronger than that. The OP and her husband will probably negotiate something acceptable to both of them, one way or another, without dire warnings from us.

Good grief, some of the responses in this thread are unbelievable . This man is cruel, abusive, controlling and jealous. He's a selfish p***k and there's even been a reference to slavery.

Thank goodness for your sensible posts Lathyrus. I feel sorry for him if only because at no time has the OP appeared to have had a problem with the awful things that are being said about him.

VioletSky

The conversation with my husband would be

Me "I'd like to do x"

Him "let's figure out how we can make that work"

That's a marriage

Glad that works for you.

In our home the conversation would be:

Me "I'd like to do X on Z day for an indeterminate amount of time - and that would impact business paperwork/mangement.

My Husband "Great, please you help me find a bookkeeper replacement, a management person? We'll need time to find help.

That's rational.

It is. So many posters seem to ignore OP’s importance to the business and the timely completion of their current project (s).

Someone said something to the effect that when some people have grandchildren everything else goes out of the window. So much evidence of that here.

Some people obviously think they are the Main Character is life and everyone else is a supporting role they get to assign lol

I'm out. It's 2023. Talk of 'dominant partners', really? Thank god I'm not in a relationship like some of you seem to have. I'm with VioletSky on this one. If the roles had been reversed and it was my husband saying I'd like to go and do something else one day a week, I'd say good on him and we would find a way to make it work together. I'm also very grateful that he wants to be a very involved 'papa' to our GS and puts his immediate family first.

When you run a business with your husband/wife/partner you need to understand that personal preferences can't always supersede what's important and necessary to that business.

It's a double commitment; commitment to the personal relationship and a commitment to the business.

Forever apparently

NO LIFE CHANGES ALLOWED

Blondiescot

I'm out. It's 2023. Talk of 'dominant partners', really? Thank god I'm not in a relationship like some of you seem to have. I'm with VioletSky on this one. If the roles had been reversed and it was my husband saying I'd like to go and do something else one day a week, I'd say good on him and we would find a way to make it work together. I'm also very grateful that he wants to be a very involved 'papa' to our GS and puts his immediate family first.

Let's go have tea and cake 🍰

Do you and your husband have a business that you run/work in together Blondiescot? It's not about one being dominant, it's about working together and that means finding a solution in this case, that work for one another in terms of their personal relationship and the business.

Knowing what works for both requires communication and possibly compromise; not ultimatums.

Enjoy your flounce😬

Why are people surprised that grandchildren are high on the list of priorities for many on here? After all, this is Gransnet, not “Business Matters”.

That's the funny thing about GN Delila. Sometimes GP's are criticised if their GC "are high on the list of priorities" and sometimes they're not.

Smileless2012

When you run a business with your husband/wife/partner you need to understand that personal preferences can't always supersede what's important and necessary to that business.

It's a double commitment; commitment to the personal relationship and a commitment to the business.

Only as long as it serves the needs of all parties- Life changes, priorities changes.

I was for a long time a free and glorified receptionist and assistant to my OH- but then I decided to go back to full time studying and have a career of my own. He was surprised- but said exactly what I expected him to say- let's get our heads together to see how we can make it work. No 'Educating Rita' jealous, possessive, controlling husband- respect.

High on the list of priorities isn’t the same as top priority.
Whether you like it or not, the OP is running a business with her husband and that’s very different from pottering at home with time on her hands. The arrival of the baby presumably followed something like the normal gestation period. Plenty of time to think and make plans for both the future of the business and spending time with the baby. That time doesn’t appear to have been well utilised. I have already suggested that completion of the current project(s) should be the OP’s priority in order to honour her obligations to her husband and secure their financial position. Plans can be made to accommodate her wish to work fewer hours in the meantime.

We don't always know how we are going to react- and can be massively surprised by the huge surge of love for a grandchild. Life is not always planned perfectly, for so many reasons.

There is a big difference between saying 'NO, you can't - or 'OK, won't be easy, but let's see how we can, together, work something out.

This thread, Smileless, although it’s about a new grandchild, has been viewed by several people as predominantly about the business side of the issue, business should take precedence, and they have hardly mentioned the OP’s grandchild. Some have even questioned her desire to be with her grandchild.

I say that both can be accommodated without it being a huge problem.

Indeed- and just saying 'no' - is a recipe for disaster.

It’s the particular nature of this business too in the current economic climate. Right back at the beginning I suggested he might be anxious about increased interest rates and the fall in house prices as well as the the astronomical increase in raw materials.

I know of more than one business that has ended just on that last factor.

House renovation relies on the difference between purchase and renovation costs and the ultimate sale price. Which as things stand is quite possibly a loss.

The bombshell of losing a significant amount of the OPs input as well could be the final straw in the profit/loss equation.

Most posters don’t seem to think the financial implications are important. The OP doesn’t seem to have grasped it either.

I did suggest when someone said he was being childish and spoilt that maybe he was the one thinking like a grownup and not a spoilt child saying I want, I want.

Smileless2012

Do you and your husband have a business that you run/work in together Blondiescot? It's not about one being dominant, it's about working together and that means finding a solution in this case, that work for one another in terms of their personal relationship and the business.

Knowing what works for both requires communication and possibly compromise; not ultimatums.

If you had read my previous comments on this thread, you would see that we do, actually, Smileless2012. My husband has just decided he wants to gradually scale back and retire from his business - guess what, I'm more than happy for him to do so. We will find a way to make it work. I've said all along that it's about compromise - and as far as I'm concerned, the OP offered a compromise, NOT an ultimatum.

No she offered a “solution” that suited her.

He said the arrangements she suggested would affect the business.

That’s where a compromise starts.

How do people not understand that a compromise involves both parties Not just one stating their terms.

What happens if someone wants to leave their marriage?

They can't because business commitments?