Husband doesn't want me to look after grandchild once a week

He sounds like my husband. He didn't stop me looking after our grandsons five days a week till they started school, but he wasn't thrilled about it. He involved himself as little as possible with them and couldn't really understand why I wanted to do it - and yes he was jealous. He'd been jealous of our own children too, but I always thought it was his loss that he didn't enjoy them more.

I think Norah and GSM have a point.
I think a day a week IS actually a big commitment.
And if you usually work "full time" it means you are 20% down.

How old is your grandchild? Do you really need to do this?
Just wondering.

what about love
what about family
what about fun

what really matters? Money or love when money isnt a real problem?
what is one day a week for a loved member of family when the O/P has indicated they re financially secure AND she can make up the time?

some posts here are incomprehensible to me

What about obligations?
The time can only be made up at the expense of time with husband and whatever is normally done at the weekend.

Deedaa

He sounds like my husband. He didn't stop me looking after our grandsons five days a week till they started school, but he wasn't thrilled about it. He involved himself as little as possible with them and couldn't really understand why I wanted to do it - and yes he was jealous. He'd been jealous of our own children too, but I always thought it was his loss that he didn't enjoy them more.

ONE day a week is hugely different though compared to FIVE.

I agree with Willow - but of course some alternative arrangement must be made in case you want to go away for a few days, or illness, etc.

I think it's very problematic if your husband doesn't want you to spend one day most weeks with your grandchild instead of HIM and HIM alone!

I wonder what pressure the husband might be under to complete a renovation and sell the house? Money borrowed from the bank? Interest accruing by the day? A slow property market? Most posters seem to take what I would call a typical woman’s view - no regard to the business, just have a nice time.

Su51nan

Thank you for all your comments.
Just to clarify and add some detail, my husband was already running his business before I retired. When I retired I offered to help out as I had no other commitments.
I have a pension and receive no salary from his company.

That information makes an enormous difference.

Su51nan Presumably your DD will be taking some maternity leave which should give you the opportunity to reduce your hours and for your DH to adjust to the difference that will make.

Perhaps you could see your grandchild for a short time at weekends in the meantime, to get to know him or her.

Presumably this business is not just in his name and any profit will be shared as you are working without pay?
Does your DH take a salary from the business?

I hope the OP gives him a bit of time to recruit an employer to cover for the work she’s been doing. I know she doesn’t take a salary but losing her suddenly for a day in the working week will have an impact on efficiency and completion dates snd, in the longer term on profits.

But he managed without her before and he can manage again.

It sounds like they’ve got different priorities now and are moving into more separate lives.

employee obviously

We have moved past wives being slave labour as a society

One might have thought so.

If your DH loved you, he'd want you to have time with your grandchild.

Wives are of course not slaves

So why has she been working w/o salary for this long?

was this sort of thing discussed before you married.

With my business hat on I would tend to agree with the posters who remind OP of business obligations she entered into. Swapping her time to a weekend day may not work so well. In renovations it is necessary to collaborate with other tradespeople. Trades do not generally work at weekends (except for extra pay) and essential supplies may not be so easy to get hold of. Also many local councils prohibit this kind of work on saturday pm and sunday.

OP does not make clear whether seeing her grandchild is for a few hours or an entire day. I believe she should prioritize the currrent project which she entered into with OH. Perhaps when that is completed she could look at the arrangement again. After all the child will still be here. However business opportunities can be fleeting and often its a question of being in the right place at the right time.

Men can often be very single minded and inflexible when it comes to working on and completing a project. Their brains are wired to concentrate more deeply on a single task whereas women think more flexibly and can keep more oplates spinning. I am told I have very male attitudes and do not allow myself to be diverted from business by anything which I consider an " optional extra".

I don't know, we seem to have a jealous controlling man who wants free labour from his wife and actively tries to prevent things she wants to do for herself

That adds up to abuse

One day a week is entirely reasonable .

Tell him it's my special day with my grandchild - don't spoil it .

We can have a special day a week doing something that we both like - afternoon tea , a long walk , a film ...whatever, but we aren't going to have a special day every week because you don't deserve it .

Stand your ground and don't be bullied by this selfish , spoilt , jealous man .

Without more information, all we can do is especulate

Su51 doesn’t get any wage for this work BigLouis she joined her husband ‘to help out’ when she retired
I don’t think you would do 5 days a week work for nothing bar love, having read various posts from you

Take your day off Su51 from ‘helping’ your husband to ‘help: your daughter and enjoy your grandchild

If you are working full time in the business, then it’s the same as being employed by any business.
Would you go into your employer and tell them that you want a day off each week to do childcare? Or would you have to look after the GC on your own time?
Or would you step back and go Part time?
To me it’s the same as being employed, you have to renegotiate your ‘contract’.

Silly of me not to spot that the OP is working for nothing!

I’m not sure what you are doing in the Company, but you should definitely renegotiate the whole aspect of your working relationship.

As he’s getting free labour, tell him you are taking a day off, don’t even ask.

I agree with other comments on here. We don't know what the OP's role in this business is. Is it a paperwork role, i.e. dealing with admin, tax etc? If so then surely it only needs a bit of calm negotiation and a mutual agreement as to babysitting etc. Because the OP doesn't draw a salary it doesn't mean she is not benefiting from a nice standard of living that her husband and the business provides. I'm sure there is an element of male jealousy here, the grandchild has thrown a small hand grenade into the marriage but two adults should be able to sort this out.!!!

We agree biglouis. I also think like a man. Completion and sale/letting of the current project and whatever is in the pipeline needs to be prioritised. OP may not draw a salary but she may well get a lump sum when a project is sold, or share rental income. To talk of her being a slave and her husband, with whom she is in business, as abusive is sheer nonsense.

But if the two adults had been able to sort it out, O/P wouldn't be posting here.

I'm going by the information clearly given that O/P's husband doesn't just want her to be there for the business week, he is not happy with her seeing the grandchild more than "A few hours".

I'm O/P has made it absolutely clear she will make the time up and I think we need to have a degree of trust in gransnet posts inasmuch as if she says she can make the time up then that is adequate for the business.

I don't know about all this stuff about the "thinking like a man" excluding the very natural desire to spend time with your grandchild when they are very little.

We have plenty of reports on gransnet of where grandad wants to see grandchild just as much! Where there's a will there's a way.

He hasn’t been abusive. She’s expressed what she wants a day looking after her grandchild. He’s expressed what he wants. For her to continue working in the business- from which, as GSM points out- they both benefit when the profit is made.

Two people, in a partnership, should both be free to express what they want. The OP can do what she wants. There’s been no question of stopping her. But what she wants, in addition, is for him to agree with her. Well he doesn’t.

Not agreeing with someone is not abuse. Vast overreaction.