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Grandparenting

Buying for adult grandchildren

(53 Posts)
BBNan5 Thu 03-Aug-23 13:36:10

Just curious as to how long others carry on buying birthday and Christmas presents for grown up grandchildren? 2 of our 6 gc are in their 20s with good jobs and salary. They don’t buy for us but that’s not really why I’m asking. They mostly like designer clothes etc but we don’t really have a designer pension. Would welcome others views.

Georgesgran Thu 03-Aug-23 23:24:03

Exactly henetha

henetha Thu 03-Aug-23 23:26:00

Hi, and thanks Georgesgran. 😁

biglouis Thu 03-Aug-23 23:55:13

I stopped buying christmas presents in the 1970s. Saves an awful lot of money and hassle. Every year I hear a lot of people saying they will cut down and they still load it onto the credit cards. This year I think people will really think about cutting out some of the tat.

NotSpaghetti Fri 04-Aug-23 01:01:17

My mother-in-law (now 99) umtil two years ago bought gifts for her grandchildren but they were "tokens" and generally things like gloves or smellies or a scarf for the "girls". She has started to "up her game" in terms of value but downscaled on the shopping front. She now sends a birthday card and moves £40 into their bank accounts. She is lucky to be able to do this but think she would still give a fiver if that was what was affordable.

Sara1954 Fri 04-Aug-23 06:42:20

I give the two older children money now. I do tend to buy a few bits for the girl, but my grandson I’ve stuck with money.
The next two, young teens, I spoil a bit, buying what they ask for, with no real financial limits, the next one is a boy, who always wants some technology, and the youngest is the most fun, I feel a Barbie Christmas coming on.
My husband always says we spend a small fortune, and get a couple of tins of biscuits, not quite the truth, but we definitely give more than we receive.
But we don’t mind at all.

multicolourswapshop Fri 04-Aug-23 06:57:49

There’s a website called Wish which I use it’s so cheap but good quality but then it comes from Japan. I bought all my carers last year a lovely little bracelet which they loved and I bought my grown up Grandaughter a beautiful pearl necklace which she asked for at a ridiculous price but so real looking.,it was really beautiful

The only downside is, these purchases take an age to come but if you start shopping now you’ll get your gifts in plenty of time for Christmas. I also bought loads of keyfinders and gave them away willy nilly give it a try

karmalady Fri 04-Aug-23 07:01:45

I put £30 in with birthday and christmas cards, eldest is 16 next week. I shall carry on until 18.

I need to hang onto my savings for my old age and it is not a myth, seeing my 80 year old neighbour now having to pay huge amounts for his care at home.

M0nica Fri 04-Aug-23 07:15:30

Bluebelle, however much we love our children and grandchildren, we see far too many threads on GN from devastated parents and grandparents who have given AC/DGC everything they asked for, on just such a basis as you suggest and then are devastate when said AC/DGC turn on them when, for any reason, the giving stops, because the AC/DGC have measured their parents/GP love entirely in material terms and what is given to them. To this sector of the younger generation, if the gifts stop then love has stopped.

I will always love my DC/DGC, and I hope I always have the reciprocal loving relationship with them that I have now, but I never ever want my love measured by how much money and material goods I can give them.

Nor do I measure their love for me by the size of present they give me. A token gift is sufficient, but a relationship that is give, give, give, on one side and take, take take, on the other, is usually not a good one.

Present giving at Christmas and birthdays, is entirely divorced from wider decisions on helping children financially or distributing ones estate in your life time.

ginny Fri 04-Aug-23 08:10:36

henetha

I can't understand why we would not want to give gifts to those we love the most. I don't want anything in return , as they know, but they often do buy me something.

I agree. A gift should be given freely not because you expect one back.
It doesn’t have to be expensive.

Sara1954 Fri 04-Aug-23 08:29:10

Ginny
I agree

Imarocker Fri 04-Aug-23 08:54:44

Oldest GD is approaching 18 but youngest is still only 12. I think I will stop monthly pocket money at 21 but probably carry one with small presents for Christmas and birthdays.

sodapop Fri 04-Aug-23 09:14:05

My grandchildren are in their 20s and 30s now so I just send money for treats they would otherwise not afford.

narrowboatnan Fri 04-Aug-23 11:46:36

I give my adult DC and adult GS some birthday sweets (Etsy or Moonpig) and a card with a scratch card in. My DS said that his scratch card this year was the most exciting present he received - and it won him a fiver!

Nannashirlz Fri 04-Aug-23 11:47:50

My oldest granddaughter is only 12 but I know when my sons I give them presents until about 21 then I just give them some sweets and a £25 gift voucher now both in their 30s they get a tin of roses between them and they wife’s and a small gift each and what I used to spend on them now goes on grandkids but one of my daughter inlaws parents still buy them like they were kids and spends a fortune on them I often wonder how they do it because they both retired

paddyann54 Fri 04-Aug-23 13:20:06

I buy for my family because I love them ,I dont think I'll ever not love them so I wont ever stop buying for them.Same goes for my OH's family and my nieces .I dont just buy at Christmas,I send gifts during the year if its something I think they'll enjoy,for instance my daughter got some rose bushes recently ,gives her a new thing to focus on and she'll love growing them.
I get a lot of pleasure seeing my children /GC and wider family happy.
We dont have holidays,we're not big on travel so if we're pleased to spend on family thats up to us.'Why would there be a cut off age for birthday presents? They get a birthday every year of their lives.

esgt1967 Fri 04-Aug-23 14:12:54

My grandson is only 6 so I won't have this problem for many years to come, however, on a similar note, I decided several years ago to stop buying presents for my adult nephew (he is now 29) and more recently for my brother and his wife.

My nephew moved out from home several years ago but never sent me a birthday card off his own back and I found that I never received a thank you for the birthday and Christmas presents that I sent him so I stopped sending him presents and he now gets just a card. I still don't get a card from him so I don't feel guilty in any way.

I used to get birthday presents for my brother and sister-in-law (stopped Christmas many years ago) and they reciprocated but we have become rather estranged due to breakdown in communication following my mum's death a few years ago so last year I decided to stop buying presents and just sent a card. Lo and behold, they did likewise immediately, ha ha!

I still buy for all my adult children - my daughter is 30 and my son is now 20 (my other daughter is 17) - and will continue to do so, therefore the question of what happens when my grandson reaches 18 could be difficult but, although my daughter is expecting another baby next year, I am not expecting to ever have hoards of grandchildren so would be happy to continue buying presents well into adulthood.

Lovetopaint037 Fri 04-Aug-23 15:49:58

We give money simply because we can’t begin to think what to buy. They are in their twenties and one is thirty soon. Used to love buying things for them when they were young. They buy us lovely things like vouchers for events or teas out, chocolate, cheeses.wines, flowers but we have given them money to help at different times for special happenings in their lives.

Gundy Fri 04-Aug-23 15:55:11

As GC get older it gets harder to buy for them, as you want to get things that please them. I follow this plan:

• Toddlers to age 10: I still am able to buy toys, games, “stuff”, clothes.
• Age 11-17: They start wanting gift cards or money at an early age to buy their own things. I indulge them.
• Age 18-22: Usually in college/univ, a good idea is Amazon gift cards so they can get supplies, clothes, even food, whatever they need to get through school.
• Young adulthood: Pretty much on their own with jobs, maybe even marriage… restaurant gift cards are well received, if you feel like sending a gift.
USA Gundy

Kim19 Fri 04-Aug-23 16:11:24

I think Henetha has it spot on here. Anyone I give to is because I want to and I lose no sleep over any absence of thanks. Nice when it happens but not remotely important. Whatever happened to the joy of giving? Obviously I cut my giving according to my cloth.

Gwenisgreat Fri 04-Aug-23 17:00:59

My DD1 turned 51 yesterday - we gave her a cheque which we normally do, saves a lot of brain racking then getting the wrong thing! Our DDs always buy us presents, though I've told them not to spend so much on us, they are not well off and have mortgages and children!

knspol Fri 04-Aug-23 19:38:40

I recently stopped sending Christmas presents to some relatives who didn't even bother to send a card but it was very difficult to stop doing this when it had been been going on for so long.
I give b'day and C gifts to my sisters grandchildren but never get even an acknowledgement they've been recv'd. As my sister send gifts to my grandchildren it would seem wrong to stop.

Sara1954 Fri 04-Aug-23 19:46:01

I stopped giving to my brothers children years ago because my gifts were never acknowledged, and my children would get some awful cheap tat six months late, or not at all.
But I have to say I’ve always felt guilty, and wish I hadn’t stopped. They were only little, so not their fault.

Bijou Fri 04-Aug-23 23:08:13

My grandchildren are all in their 50s and one great grandchild is 23. I do send a card and cheque to spend on a meal out.

Cabbie21 Fri 04-Aug-23 23:43:33

My late husband always sorted gifts for his side of his small family. In one instance a cheque was sent and another for the same amount was received. Seems pointless, so I will stop.

My oldest grandchild is now 22 and has never thanked me in any way since their mum stopped thanking me on their behalf when they were tiny. I cannot begin to decipher their tastes in anything these days, they never make contact or reply to texts, so it is time to stop presents, I think.

Deedaa Fri 04-Aug-23 23:57:27

I've never thought about an age limit. Both sets of grandparents continued to buy my children presents until they died and I imagine I will do the same with my grandchildren. It's fun.