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Grandparenting

losing my three granddaughters and I'm crushed

(114 Posts)
davmalk Tue 05-Sept-23 17:01:17

I’m a 62 year old grandpa soon to be without my 3 granddaughters. My daughter’s husband’s job is moving from California to Tennessee and of course that means the family’s moving there as well. Now my wife and I have raised them from newborns to where they are now 7, 5, and 2. These girls are not just my granddaughters they are my world my best friends my copilots in life. They go everywhere I do that includes my friend’s house, Home Depot, grocery shopping you name it and they are by my side. I take them to school every day and I pick them up every day. We go to the all the parks in town. I take them swimming every day in the summer. I’ve put so much love into them and invested so much into them. We (my wife and I) put our lives on hold for our granddaughters and I seriously cannot handle this. I know I’m being selfish but I love those girls more than life itself and I cannot lose the loves of my life.

Shelflife Wed 06-Sept-23 09:50:33

davmalk has not responded! I wonder why? Very strange.

pascal30 Wed 06-Sept-23 09:53:18

hmm perhaps yet another spoof..

Foxygloves Wed 06-Sept-23 09:55:52

My initial shock horror reaction was that there had been some appalling family tragedy - a car crash or some other disaster.
While I do not wish to be totally unsympathetic, OP highlights the dangers of living through your children or grandchildren.
Yes it’s lovely to be the “indispensable “ grandparent, but children grow up and grow away from you.
OP makes it sound as if he has no other life.
A warning to us all?

BlueBelle Wed 06-Sept-23 09:59:53

It sounds that the poster has not only sidelined the actual parents but the grand mother as well
What about the other grandparents ?
It all sounds very very peculiar and not very normal at all

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 06-Sept-23 10:03:55

It’s not normal for a 62 year old man to take his grandchildren everywhere he goes and describe them as the loves of his life, best friends and copilots in life. I don’t believe a word of it.

ixion Wed 06-Sept-23 10:07:35

All sounds a bit dodgy to me.
And 🤮

Shelflife Wed 06-Sept-23 11:16:52

I agree GSM his wording is very weird indeed! Must be a scam , he is probably reading our posts with great satisfaction!! If it is not a scam there is something very seriously wrong!

Farmor15 Wed 06-Sept-23 12:08:32

Not sure if it's a dodgy post as I know of a rather similar situation. Parents moved to stay with son and dil in US when first child was born. Still there 8 years later with 2nd child born a few years later. Now it seems GPs do nearly all childcare (other GPs were also involved initially till ill health prevented them helping). They also look after housework, laundry, most cooking and garden. Bring children to and from school. I'm not sure what the actual parents do, apart from working!

It doesn't seem a very healthy situation to me, and now our friends are worried about what will happen if/when when their health deteriorates.

To me, this over-involvement of grandparents in their children/grandchildren's lives is not good for any of them. Much better for grandparents to have independent lives and interests, as most here on Gransnet do!

BlueBelle Wed 06-Sept-23 12:10:47

This bothers me
They go everywhere I do, that includes my friend’s house!!!

BlueBelle Wed 06-Sept-23 12:14:04

and this I love those girls more than life itself and I cannot lose the loves of my life I d be very concerned for their safety before they move away .

mrsgreenfingers56 Wed 06-Sept-23 12:25:36

This post seems way over the top. You bring your children up to flee the nest and if involved in Grandchildren then an extra blessing BUT they have to make their own way in life.

Be happy for them and don't guilt load them.

Yourself and wife need to make a new life for yourselves, take up new hobbies and interests and focus on each other.

mrsgreenfingers56 Wed 06-Sept-23 12:27:01

Reading a bit more of this post maybe the American way of expressing yourself is considered a bit excessive compared to UK ways. Don't know what others think.

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 06-Sept-23 12:55:56

BlueBelle

This bothers me
*They go everywhere I do, that includes my friend’s house!!!*

I thought that sounded rather creepy.

Namsnanny Wed 06-Sept-23 13:16:00

Germanshepherdsmum

BlueBelle

This bothers me
*They go everywhere I do, that includes my friend’s house!!!*

I thought that sounded rather creepy.

I'd be very surprised if Davmalk comes back to reply. Poor bloke.

sukie Wed 06-Sept-23 13:34:21

mrsgreenfingers56

Reading a bit more of this post maybe the American way of expressing yourself is considered a bit excessive compared to UK ways. Don't know what others think.

I'm in the US and agree with everyone here that what the op has expressed is over the top and off.

" they are my world my best friends my copilots in life" indicates it is past time for the op to do as the wise gn's here are advising; find new hobbies, friends and spend time enjoying life with the spouse. 62 is still young from where I sit.

Shelflife Wed 06-Sept-23 14:18:28

Perhaps they have moved with very good reason !?

Dylant1234 Thu 07-Sept-23 11:50:00

From the age of 55 your three young grandchildren have been your everything - time to get a grip - it’s not all about you ……. There seems a lot more to this than we’re hearing, if I were their Mum or Dad I’d move away too!

icanhandthemback Thu 07-Sept-23 11:58:48

I know it feels like it is the worst thing in the world but if you look at strategies for you and your wife to have your own lives, you will cope. You will go through a period of grieving because it is a huge change but try not to let that show to your child or your grandchildren because it really is your problem rather than theirs.
Try to reframe your mindset to see how lucky you have been to have this time with them with so much involvement. Try to see this as an opportunity to live your own life but still have contact with them by visiting or talking through technology.
My husband's ex wife took his children away where visiting was difficult and he had been in similar circumstances to you. At the time it broke his heart but he decided that he didn't want to be the one who "ruined their lives" by making a fuss. He thought about what was best for the children because he loved them so much, he wanted that. Many years on, they have returned to our area and they have a closer relationship again. However, he knows that they may choose to go back to their Mum's area again at any time or even to a new location altogether. If they do, he will cope because it is what is best for them.

Nannashirlz Thu 07-Sept-23 11:59:46

I know how you feel like a lot of other grandparents who have been the child care with their grandkids then they move overseas. It’s not easy but you learn to live with it and move on with your life. Enjoy what time you have left before they move and I’m sure they will miss you too but that’s life families don’t stay on the doorstep anymore and you shouldn’t expect them to. They have their own lives to live. Be happy for them and like others have said you can fly video call etc I know it’s not the same but that’s life I’m afraid

NannyDaft Thu 07-Sept-23 12:05:23

You won’t loose them unless there is another reason they are moving . How does Granma feel about this ? Are the girls your only Grandchildren .
Wish them well with a smile on your face ! You can visit FaceTime telephone there is so much available. Don’t let these little ones be upset by your feelings

Leavesden Thu 07-Sept-23 12:13:43

You could move too.

Polly7 Thu 07-Sept-23 12:17:06

..may be over reactions expression and wording if so please take a step back and reel it in ....

What would you say to a good friend to help him if he poured all this out to you ??

If you are still here please reply!!??

Nobody said life was easy, you have a lot more than many - my friend would die for a GC !! You have such wonderful memories and can still see them! Tell you what teenagers can change very much Ha
I find gratitude helps in challenging times!!

Enough said....if this is for real

Sennelier1 Thu 07-Sept-23 12:17:30

Dear grandpa, I'm a mother and grandmother. My son lives nearby with wife and son. We see our grandson very often, in fact he has two homes, one with his parents, one with us. Our daughter moved to another country and lives there with her husband and two small children. I love them to pieces, but yes we have to travel to see them. It's very different, I agree. But......we, you and your wife, me and my husband, we made our own choices when we were much younger. We shouldn't object when now our children make their own choices. That's life ❤️‍🩹

dizzygran Thu 07-Sept-23 12:22:48

So sorry for you. You will of course miss them, but you have built up a great relationship with them which will last forever. Think about a move closer, you will be able to visit them, or they you.

Hilsmetime Thu 07-Sept-23 12:26:07

You are fortunate to have grandchildren with whom you have spent precious time but times change. I have no grandchildren of my own, only step grandchildren who I rarely see as they live 130 miles away or are now at uni scattered round England. My husband is 85 and I’m 69. I hope at least my younger daughter ( in her early 30s) will one day have a child but I doubt my husband will be a hands on Grandad if he’s still around when the child is born. I have to curb my jealousy of friends who talk about their GC. Enjoy the time you have and use FaceTime or email when they’ve moved, and count your blessings. Even our children are only on loan and have their own lives to lead. Good luck