Only children

Germanshepherdsmum

It must be nice if you are able to have more than one child. I’m the third generation of my family who couldn’t.

Indeed, GSM. My cousin and her husband are both 'onlies' whose mums were unable to have any more children for medical reasons. Both are close to their cousins as substitute siblings.
We all have different families, mostly these days by choice, but still, fate may intervene to prevent us doing exactly what we would wish. I think the secret is always to be grateful with the hand you are dealt, and make the most of it. I certainly am.

In principle, I don't really think much about the money / inheritance issue. But I have 1 GC who is an only. A sad history on the 'other side' of the family means that she has a large amount of money in trust. My 2 other GCs will have nothing like that, but they do have a horde of loving relatives!

Really interesting to read all the different experiences, thank you! I wasn't spoiled as an only with material things thankfully. The only thing I would say is in my late childhood/ teenage years unknowingly my parents made me feel 'special' their attention was obviously always on me so life hit me hard when I realised I'm the same as everyone else. Everyone is special! That was a hard lesson to learn through those years. I was determined not to have just one if I could. I'm blessed to have two. They get on ok, but are very different. They will have each other later on.

I have a good friend who is an only. Not only that but both her parents were as well added to which she is divorced with no children of her own! So she truly has no-one. She is godmother to a few and goes to them every Christmas but I know she feels a bit like a spare part.

I’m one of 4.
I wish I’d been an only child.
My mother was always stressed & money was tight. I often felt like a massive inconvenience.
She’d have coped much better with less children & I might have felt loved & valued. ( I never felt either of those things )
I see my siblings occasionally, but see my friends more & have a better relationship with them. So all in all, having siblings didn’t really improve my life.

The number of children you have isn’t the key thing, it’s how you treat them.

I am an only child. I am 72 now. It didn’t bother me when I was a child.
How I have wished over the last 20 yrs I had had a sibling to share the decisions and ask for advice.

I would love to have been an "only" and have never got on with my sibling, we're just chalk and cheese. I imagine she feels the same.
It's pretty hard work having just one child I should think, nobody to play with if you're at home.
I had four who fought in pairs!

I had siblings. 2 of them.One on another continent,and another in the uk who didn’t get on with our parents.
There was no support from them when our parents died,or at any other major life event.Those who wish they had siblings wouldn’t want mine!
Families and siblings don’t always support each other,count yourself the lucky ones if you’re do!

I wasn’t an only child, but by the time I came along, I had an adult brother and two married sisters, so it felt as if I was! I had a cousin who was six months older than me and we were always close growing up , but he lives in Ireland now so I don’t see him. We are in touch fairly regularly. My grandson is an only and his only two cousins are older than he is, so he has very little contact with them now. It hasn’t seemed to bother him, not having siblings but I think it would have been good for him.

I think you are wrong JdotJ when you say -

Being an only gives you no social skills

Why would that be?
I think my social skills and those of other "onlys" I know are as good as the next person.
I don't think they would be any better if I had siblings.

I learned to mix with all sorts and all ages, had to converse with adults as well as other children, was included in "grown up" discussios from a relatively young age, worked in a shop and a restaurant in my teenage years.... I wasn't locked in a room on my own all day!

What I did have was the opportunity for solitude if I wanted it and other privileges of only children.

The downside is the weight of parental hopes and dreams for you to be the very best at everything! There is nobody to share the weight of their aspirations. Maybe there are a lot of "high achieving" onlys?...

I think we can also be stronger - and probably quite independent.

Absolutely NotSpaghetti. Only children don’t live in a bubble with no friends or family of all ages with whom to converse. I think having greater opportunities to converse with adults was a positive benefit.

Totally agree Notspaghetti and GSM

Good grief - we might be an only child, but we aren’t oddities!

Friends had one DC but when she was 4 they were advised that if having a small family was a response to a crowded planet, they should think again as only children generally wanted more themselves.
So they gave her a sister.

We had 4 and 3 have 2 each but one DGC is a singleton. He's very happy and doesn't seem to miss siblings.

I am one of 3 and am very glad to be.

Another only here. I actually agree with JdotJ about social skills, though it may be down to personality as much as being an only child. I did have friends, but went to an all girls school, and felt very awkward in mixed company for a few years after I left school.
I didn't like being an only child, partly because there was so much focus on my behaviour so that I wasn't "spoilt". I had to be a "good" girl and never got away with anything!
I ended up with 5 children - certainly didn't want just 1. When they were young I realised what I had missed out on - squabbling and fighting as well as fun times together.

I'd like to know where the idea only children generally wanted more themselves came from..

I have two siblings. Growing up was very difficult for us with an abusive father.
We didn't bond with each other at all, in fact he drove a mountain between my sister and I.
I only had one. I'm not a natural mother unfortunately.
I'm doing better at the grandma role and have 3 gorgeous grandchildren.

I was an only child. I knew every day of my life that my parents loved me. Sadly in my mid-20s they both died very suddenly within a year and three weeks of each other and they were in their mid-50s.
I have two children and they each have two children. I consider myself to be very lucky with my family situation.

No I don’t jump to conclusions Shelflife and what I said certainly wasn’t meant as a personal statement
I took your statement If parents have one child that child will usually inherit everything so a bonus there I think! to be a general statement not about you or your family and my answer was about what you said not about you personally

Just shows how easily the written word can be wrongly interpreted

I'm not an only child but I certainly feel like one.

I have two DDs, they each have an only, but fortunately they only live 4 miles apart so the children see each other frequently.

Both DH and I were only children and wanted not to repeat that pattern so had two quite close together. They had no cousins, which was sad as we both liked our own cousins, but although they can get on perfectly well they are not close. I had a very idealised idea of sibling relationships!

One DGD is an only and the most well adjusted and sociable girl imaginable, good at making and keeping friends and much more tolerant than her parents. I guess the personality you are born with is the deciding factor.

NotSpaghetti

I'd like to know where the idea only children generally wanted more themselves came from..

I don't know if it's generally true as I'm the only "only" I can think of among my circle of friends! But in my own case it was definitely true - I wanted 3 but ended up with 5.
When I was growing up, only children were very unusual- in my school class there were no others.

It's sad in a way but the single one I have gets so much attention and goes to lots of clubs and can afford the ski trip etc. He now has 2 young cousins who live in the next street and all spend a lot of time with other gran and grandad.I think he will be OK.

Farmor15 I didn't quite understand what this meant... It sounded like they were greedy and wanted more "stuff".

Grammaretto said:
"Friends had one DC but when she was 4 they were advised that if having a small family was a response to a crowded planet, they should think again as only children generally wanted more themselves.
So they gave her a sister."

I thought it was clear that she meant that only children tended to want more than one child themselves.