Grandchildren’s messy house!

If they are relaxed so should you be
Enjoy the company

This is my opinion. It has nothing to do with you. The grandchildren are loved, cherished, well fed and warm and safe so stop worrying. It is their house, their mess and you can go home and live in your own house. Visit whenever but please do not criticise or give an opinion or you may not get invited back. Plus a worse case scenario is that you may get cut out of their lives entirely and not see your beautiful grandchildren again. Stay quiet.

Be glad you had family that wanted you to visit. Some people can only function in chaos. They have chosen their way to live. Respect their choices. I haven’t hear from my family for 7 years and Holidays are very lonely.

You’ve been invited for coffee just be pleased with that. I’ve got three sons all leading busy lives get to see them when they’re free and on their terms I just deal with it. Mess or no mess that’s up to them.

My daughter has clearly given up on housework and I don't comment. I am hardly a role model myself. In the past I have helped her but her husband would get upset because he said I shouldn't need to. She is disabled and I would gladly help but he just moans at her so I don't do it any more. I would sooner they lived in disarray but were happy.

My adult children's home is chaotic. It's clean enough but very untidy with washing in various stages of drying, waiting to be washed or waiting to be put away. Their are toys, books and lego projects everywhere, meals in every stage of being prepared or finished and waiting to be cleared away. You can't set foot in the hall without tripping over football boots, shin pads, school bags and trainers. Their dining table is always covered with art projects and models in progress, absolutely no clear space to actually use it to sit down and eat a meal at. But it's full of a happy contented family who prioritise spending time with each other, having interests and hobbies that they support each other in and, most importantly, parents who always have time for their children. When children grow up they won't remember having a perfect crease in the perfectly ironed pyjamas but they will remember mum and dad who helped them with their modelling projects, talked to them and actually spent time with them.

I was a very messy and untidy individual when younger but this gradually changed as I got older. Now I want complete order in my life. People do change.

I guess many family homes are in a state of chaos just after Christmas, but we go to see them, not their mess. Ignore it.

Your granddaughter's house sounds exactly like my parents'!

My maternal grandmother and aunt, who lived together and kept an immaculately tidy home, were wise enough to say nothing.

My paternal grandmother make unkind remarks about my mother's housekeeping, both to her and to me, when I was old enough to understand them, and did not exactly endear herself to either of us by doing so.

A dear great-.aunt of mine frequently offered to do the mending, an offer my mother accepted gratefully, so that got rid of one of the untidy piles of things left around. I took over the mending when I was ten or so and bored stiff during a school summer holiday. No-one thanked me, and after that it was just assumed to be my job.

I have always kept a far tidier home than my parents did, which is probably because my childhood home was such a mess, and the approach of Christmas, Easter, birthdays or visits from relatives drove my mother into what in Scotland is called " a right state" and saw my sister and I conscripted to tidy up.

Either you say nothing at all, or you ask politely if there is anything you can help with. If your granddaughter wants help, she will doubtless ask for it, as long as you neither look nor speak your astonishment of the mess.

In my world a messy house is a messy mind is a messy life. I brought up 4 children to respect their space and the communal spaces of the home. We lived in a farmhouse with stone floors
And even the chaos of a large family didn't lead to mess. Too much wokeness on this thread

Wokeness? . What is 'woke' about being tolerant of other people's mess in other people's homes?

If households with 2 working parents are putting family time before cleaning...

Then sign me up to the wokeness

I remember I used to have a perfect house when I stayed at home... When I went back to work it started slipping and trying to keep up with it was exhausting, overwhelming and stressful

But I stopped caring what people think a little while ago now. Much more value in good people and happy homes than there is what next door thinks about me not mowing the lawn this week

It is not the gd's messy house, it is also the parents'

Why do some grandparents chose to ignore the fact the kids have parents?

It is not the gd's messy house, it is also the parents' I think you've misunderstood the OPs post Hithere. Her granddaughter isn't sharing the house with her parents, she shares it with her partner. Not that the state of their tidiness is anyone else's business but, in this particular case, your criticism of parents is way off beam.

I chose the word wokeness because everyone seems afraid of giving an opinion which might offend. I once remarked to my daughter that her living space smelt of drying clothes which could lead to damp, which would be bad for the kids. They sorted it out.
Grandparents in the past were known for practical observations for good or bad and most families were able to take it.

I'm not at all afraid of giving an opinion that might offend. I don't deliberately cause offence, but if I disagree with something I will say so. In this case, I disagree with any idea that how people live in their own homes has anything to do with other people unless it is causing actual harm.

Why would anyone want to offend their own family?

They already know what their home looks like

It's just an excuse to throw an insult and be judgemental...

And you won't be liked for it.

How many family relationships have fallen apart or aren't as close as they could have been, because of people who thought their opinions more important than others feelings?

Absolute back to front thinking

Something society is learning better on which is a strong positive

I would be more than happy to get an invite rather than them -
a- feeling they can't have visitors due to house not being spick and span
b- being too busy tidying and cleaning to see me

just enjoy being with this lovely young couple!

In my world a messy house is a messy mind is a messy life.

The converse of this is that a hyper tidy house signifies an empty mind.

It's also worth remembering, perhaps, that most Life is messy. That is why it's so fascinating.

Does it matter? No.

Housework will still be there when we are long gone. If I was young, had a good job, no kids id be spending my spare time enjoying myself.

It doesn’t matter - they’re young and have their own set of priorities. Domestic chores are probably way down their list of things they want to spend their time on. I wouldn’t give it another thought AJGranma.

No. Mess doesn’t matter. Not a bit We’ve had a warm, comfortable family time at our son’s home. It’s rarely tidy. His life allows little space for tidying. He had planned to prepare for lunch yesterday. Instead he spent the day with his own teenagers and unexpected extras of five additional friends of one of them. It mattered not to him that he was still making his traditional Christmas pie when we all arrived and there was general
lack of preparation. He’d put people first yesterday. We all helped with the table setting and cleared the space we needed. Everyone was relaxed and happy. If I’m honest he coped far better than I would have. We’re proud he’s so totally unflappable and sees people not mess. Your granddaughter is probably the same aj. If she’s not worried there’s no need for you to be.

But what if the untidy and messy is accompanied by dirty and being unhygienic? If you want to rinse out a mug before accepting a cup of tea and you wouldn’t want to walk on the carpet barefoot? If the grandchildren aren’t bathed or hair washed and dirt under their uncut nails. What do you do then? 😢

The saying 'it takes a village to raise a child' springs to mind.